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Relationship Health Message Board


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Jedoz, it doesn't sound good. It's hard on both of you at the moment cause you've been together so long. I'm sure you both love each other very much, but sometimes it's just not enough. He seems to be struggling because he does love you, but perhaps senses that in the long run, it's just not what he wants. It's common for him to blame you, because he probably doesn't want to feel like this, but the reason it's happening is all within him - it's just easier to blame you than really think that it's his fault. He seems to have identified that you guys are growing apart... with the nothing in common, can't take you around his friends comments. As sad as it is, this is life. The same thing happened with my first boyfriend, and it's just the age we were at, and the fact that he wanted some things as he got older, and I wanted another. It's easy to overlook these things when you are in a comfortable routine after years together.

You know it's got nothing to do with you. You've never indicated that you didn't know what you wanted etc etc. Sometimes things just change. I realise you got engaged only last year, but alot of things can change in that time, and sometimes it can happen overnight... however, I think you've seen this coming. It's really no ones fault, just one of those ***** things in life. Of course, try to communicate and talk about what it really is that's wrong. Maybe you can still save it. It's no use him just blaming you though, he's got to be really honest and tell you how he feels about the relationship before you can do anything.

I realise this is sad for you. And I know it is sad for him also. My bf of 5 yrs cried too when we knew it was time to move on. He even had another gf (which I didn't know about), but after 5 yrs together... it is still sad.

Hang in there Jedoz. Maybe if you guys just give each other some time apart it will do you the world of good. My sister and her (now) husband were together for many years and broke up. A few months later, they were back on and a few years later got married... so it's never totally hopeless. But you need to look at it in a realistic view, not a romanticised one. Don't look at his actions of the past, because they are irrelevant now. Concentrate on how things are now... and listen to what he is telling you. I know that it's hard, but you know the truth of the situation... and you can't change it unless he really wants to make it work. And you certainly don't want him to stay with you just because it's comfortable and less upsetting. You both deserve more than that.

My heart goes out to you Jedoz. It's a horrible feeling. Right now you are pretty much at rock bottom, but you can claw your way out slowly. Just take things day by day and see how they pan out.

Lots of hugs to you. Keep us updated on how things are going. I hope things ultimately turn out the way you hope, but if not, we will be here for you!!!

Best wishes to you in your time of need. :angel:





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