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I'm a 20 yr old female. I was going out with a guy for like 5 months. We have a lot in common. I'm extremely attracted to him. I thought about him all the time. He called me a lot. The thing is, he has a lot of problems. First, he's a recovering addict and he's been clean for 1 year now. Second, he exaggerates about a lot of things. Third, he's too honest: he told me one time that he finds a lot of girls attractive and thinks about/wants to have sex with them. Fourth, he told me that he thinks he's bisexual, then he said that he can tell when a guy is attractive. I can tell when a girl is attractive, does't mean I'm bi. Fifth, he's very unemotional/apathetic: he doesn't seem to care what goes on in my life. He would ask me, "how was your day?" I would reply, "eh, it was ok..." then instead of saying, "oh, did something happen? oh what did you do today?" he would go into talking about himself. When I talked to him about this stuff, he said that he has to be selfish to stay clean. It just seems as if he just doesn't care.

He has raised his voice to me twice. He didn't yell, just raised his voice, I may be making a big deal out of it, but I'm just not used to people raising their voices, except my parents, but it caught me off-guard when he did it.

We usually talk on the phone at night. He tells me that he'll cal me in the evening and then 1/4 the time he doesn't call until the next morning. It happened to often that when he called the next morning, I wouldn't answer because I was no angry.

He's been taking Luvox 200 mgs for years and years now for depression. I understand that lack of feeling/concern/emotion, or apathy, if a side effect of taking it.

We had broken up about a month or so into our relationship because when he told me about how he wanted to have sex with a lot of girls (which later he said was an exaggeration) I started thinking about, "why is he with me if he feels this way?" He didn't understand why I got angry at that. He was so naive that he thought I would be understanding. That's NOT something you tell a girlfriend. I thought maybe he was going out with me because I was convenient. I don't use drugs, and that was a condition to go out with him.

There were a lot of disappointments. I was so frustrated a lot of the time. But I never said anything to him because, not looking at the big picture, I felt it would be stupid to get angry that he didn't call me back. (later he said that he didn't think it would affect me that much, that I would understand that he was busy or got caught up with play rehearsal)

Now he keeps asking for another chance. I want him sooo much. The only person I have around me to talk about this with is my best friend in all the world, who also happens to be my ex boyfriend, the one I left to be with the recovering addict. I believe that I exaggerate myself. My best friend/ex bf knows the whole story, he's the one I call when I'm angry about not getting a phone call, he's the one I take my frustrations out on, he's the one who knows everything. I also overreact over little things. My best friend/ex believes that the recovering addict is fake/manipulative and thinks I should tell the guy to go kill himself. I hear him saying this, then I think about everything, and I wonder if they're right. I mean I understand why he told me all that stuff. He wants complete honesty between us, he didn't think it would be fair to continue a relationship without me knowing those things about him.

My ex wants another chance, says he has confidence that he can change himself, for himself. That he has an unhealthy selfishness and self-centeredness and wants to change that. He says that he wants me with him when he makes those changes. I don't know what to believe. I think that he's telling the truth. But it's hard to explain these things to my best friend/ex because he doesn't want to understand, I mean, he's my ex.

Overall, there were a lot of good things, but there were so many disappointments and frustrations. I know he has problems, but can someone really change? He's in narcotics anonymous and they teach that you should be selfish, healthy selfishness, as in you must do what's right for you.

He has admitted that he took me for granted, didn't give me the attention I deserved, didn't listen to me as much as he should have. He talked to me like I was his sponsor, I barely ever talked, I mean, how are you supposed to cut in on a person talking about themself?

How much could him taking Luvox be a part of this? I would love for it to explain most of it, because then that would mean that the guy I love is partly being held back by a temporary medication.

Please help. For right now I'm planning on just being friends with him.





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