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Hi All,

This is my first time to write a post.
I have what I think is a very awkward situation.
I am 27 and live in Melbourne, and because I am the type of guy that prefers stability and developing roots in his home city, it makes me very stubborn about changing the place to live for any reason - including love.

Four years ago, I met (through a friend) a nice Colombian girl. She was studying here, and hence her future in Melbourne was uncertain. I liked her and she liked me, and we had many things in common (we are both from the same continent) so we both agreed that we would take the risk and continue going out to see how everything would pan out. It wasnt till a couple of years later, that she began to become unhappy about her job, her friends, she missed her parents and she felt out of place and alone. This I believe is normal. It could happen to me I guess, if I were living in another country. Obviously our relationship degraded due to these external factors. So much so, that we both went together to Colombia to meet her family, but I came back on my own, knowing that i would never see her again. Of course, i had the option to live with her in Colombia, but there was no way in hell i was going to do that.

Anyway, after a few months of torcher and sadness, I was feeling better, and hooked up with a girl that I had met a long time back. She was a cousin of my friend, and lived in Greece, but was in Melbourne to see her father and cousins. Anyway, even though I was definately not ready for another relationship, I decided to go out with her during the time she was here (1 and a half months) - I guess for a bit of fun. By the end, we were kind of serious about each other. She decided right there and then that she would go to Greece, pack and come back to Melbourne to finish her studies and live with her dad. I was all for it, but knowing what had happened to me in the past.
Anyway, she basically chickened out, and instead expected me to move to Greece. Her mum was also very defensive of her (which was probably the person who convinced her to stay in Greece) and this girl also got scared of missing her younger brother and her country. Thats fine, at the end, after some more headaches and tears, I didnt want anything to do with her. There is no way in hell I would go to live in Greece.

It wasnt till about six months ago that I truly started believing that I would be ready for another relationship. Anyway, a few months ago, I met a really nice girl from work. You guessed it, she is also not from here, she was born in Malaysia, but studied and works here now. We actually had travelled overseas together (along with other employees) for business purposes. During all this period, I knew that she had a boyfriend and most importantly, that she wasn't settled here. Therefore, I treated the situation rather professional, and considered her a work colleague. Nevertheless, I found her incredibly sexy and I was attracted to her physically and I also thought she had a nice personality. It wasnt till we got back from the trip that she started approaching me alot. Asking me many questions about work related matters, that I think anybody else could've answered better than me, she sent me messages on my computer, etc etc, basically flirting with me.
I finally budged and accepted an offer to see some comedy with her, but I really wanted to keep the relationship on the level of friendship only.
In the past few weeks however, after having gone out a few times to dinner, movies and coffee, I think we have jumped to the next level in our relationship, and so, I had to push her away in the nicest way I could.
She is quite sad about it. She has been living with her boyfriend for 4 years, and does not love him. She is not happy with him and wants to leave him, and told me that she has not felt so much excitment ever before as when she is with me.
That is all very flattering and makes me feel special, but I could be getting myself into a big problem. Firstly, she also has pressure from her parents to go back to Malaysia.

I feel that the Colombian girl has really knocked me out on the ground, then the girl from Greece came and kicked me in the guts while I was down. I finally pick myself up and now this Malysian girl appears into my life.

Anyway, I am still friends with this girl from Malaysia. But I get sad sometimes, because I think someone up there is messing around with me a little, hehe. I have had the opportunity to meet some really nice girls, but at the same time I have these barriers in front of me.
I definately know this is some lesson in life that I am supposed to learn, but after 4 years, I dont think I have caught on.
What I want to know is:
1. What should I do with this Malaysian girl. I'm scared of loving her (if it ever happens) then losing her, but then if I push her away, I may be pushing away the person that I am looking for.
2. Why the hell am I getting involved with girls from overseas? I dont specifically go out and look for them.
3. I wonder if l really loved any of these girls. Sometimes I think that there wasnt enough love, and that is the reason why we both part in different ways. I wonder if I could love this Malaysian girl so much that I would not hesitate moving to Malaysia if she needed me, or she would not hesitate staying in Melbourne.
4. I am also uneasy about this Malaysian's girl approach to breaking up with her boyfriend. Obviously I was (without knowing it) the catalyst for her wanting to leave him. But I really feel for him, and would never wish to be in his situation. I think ideally she should leave him before she could even start thinking about a new relationship, and that is why I think I cant fully trust her.

Anyway, thankyou.
[QUOTE=jakool]
What I want to know is:
1. What should I do with this Malaysian girl. I'm scared of loving her (if it ever happens) then losing her, but then if I push her away, I may be pushing away the person that I am looking for..[/QUOTE]
The Malaysian girl has proven that she will cheat and betray you when she gets tired or frustrated with you. This is a huge character flaw and one that you have full knowledge of up front. Why would you put your trust and heart in a vulnerable position with someone that has proven that she would rather cheat than do the rigth thing and leave the one she is not happy with? You really do have a difficulty internalizing rather straightforward lessons.

[QUOTE=jakool] 2. Why the hell am I getting involved with girls from overseas? I dont specifically go out and look for them.[/QUOTE]
This is simple. You do it because you do it. It is that simple and does not require deeper analysis. You are aware of the problems it has caused. Next time you face the choice, choose not to do it. Or, choose once again to go down a path you know is problematic for you. Either way, it is a challenging choice, but not one that requires critical analysis.


[QUOTE=jakool]
3. I wonder if I could love this Malaysian girl so much that I would not hesitate moving to Malaysia if she needed me, or she would not hesitate staying in Melbourne...[/QUOTE]
I would wonder how safe it is to fall in love with a person that is dishonest and deceitful in the games of love. Now that is being vulnerable.


[QUOTE=jakool]
4. I am also uneasy about this Malaysian's girl approach to breaking up with her boyfriend. Obviously I was (without knowing it) the catalyst for her wanting to leave him. But I really feel for him, and would never wish to be in his situation. I think ideally she should leave him before she could even start thinking about a new relationship, and that is why I think I cant fully trust her....[/QUOTE]
Now you are seeing things straight. This is not simply an uncomfortable issue, it is potentiall dangerous to your emotional health and ability to love down the road if you decide to pursue this further and end up having her decide to do it to you. I do not recommend puting much faith in the pleas of a proven dishonest person. Why invite such risk.

Find a girl that is at least committed to living on the same continent as you. When the opportunity knocks to date a girl that has legal and family ties outside your country, be strong and tell yourself she is not for you. Then don't give it a second thought an move on.





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