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Relationship Health Message Board


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I've never been a young man dating a young lady, so I've never been in this position, but I'll try to lend a hand if possible. As far as him not letting you go upstairs alone together, I'm afraid there's not much to be done there. After all, it is his house, and he has the right to make the rules. My parents have a rule that no couple sleeps in the same room unless they're married. So if I were to bring a boyfriend to their house to visit, like for the holidays or something, we would have to sleep in separate rooms, but as silly as I may think it is, it's their rule and I have no choice but to respect it. But as for the other stuff,he does sound a bit off the beam. It doesn't sound like you've done anything to deserve him being so mean to you. I think the only thing you can do is just try to be as respectful as possible, and not let him get to you so much. Just make it clear by your actions and deeds that you respect and love his daughter, and if he has a problem with it, it's his problem.
Let me give this a try...
First of all, do you know if you are her first real boyfriend?
Anyone think that maybe Dad is afraid that too much time alone will lead to too much intimacy and maybe a child?
Is your touching/holding/kissing occasional or or you constantly joined at the hip?
To be honest, one of my niece's and her boyfriend didn't seem to know when it was appropriate in front of other people. She was sitting in his lap at the get together after my dad's funeral and I don't know that THAT much public affection is necessary no matter WHAT the circumstances.
Many fathers see that kind of physical contact as a lack of respect ("treat her like a lady") and really a bit nauseating since this is their "little girl" no matter HOW old she is.

Most father's are just plain designed to protect their daughters. Especially is they are under 18 and stll living at home. It might help you do with this if you try to understand why he dislikes the behavior he sees between the two of you.
Friendship that leads to physical closeness stand more of a chance of lasting than one that gets physical too soon.

Do you want this relationship to be a good one? I'm sure you do!!
So, if you're at her house be extra polite. Use "Mr.", don't go near her bedroom even "to talk"!
Call it an acting job if it will help you out. There was a show on TV years ago called My Three Sons - and every father wants his daughter to marry a young man like one of those sons!!!

Good luck - work on the long-term getting along with this man in case he becomes your father-in-law!!
:angel:
Thanks to both of you for replying.
In response, yes i am her firt real boyfriend, so i can understand why he might have trouble 'letting go', but its not like im trying to take her away, i just want to be around her! Theres no way we'd think of anything like children yet, no where near. We both know that.

[I]"Is your touching/holding/kissing occasional or or you constantly joined at the hip?"[/I]
Erm, no we're not. She is shy about kissing and being that intimate in public, we won't do it in front of either sets of parents, whats annoying is the most 'intimate' we've got in front of her parents is holding hands, and they've got a problem even with that!? So its hardly intimate physical contact. As you can probably tell, i do respect her. I think the world of her. I'd never do anything to hurt her, and ive told her so many times i never want to push her into anything, and she know that if theres something she doesn't like then she can come and talk to me about it and i'll do the absolute best i can to sort the problem. AND, Most of the time, when we are together alone we are just talking together. Cos we just enjoy talking about things with each other.
Hence, [I]"Friendship that leads to physical closeness stand more of a chance of lasting than one that gets physical too soon."[/I] is how we're taking things at the moment too.

As for Gundam's comments, thats what I am doing, thats what i intend to do, and see how things go! I just hope it works out.
Thanks again to both of you for your help.
Is she an only child? An only daughter? Are you her first real love?
Her father is being overprotective because this is probably her first real love and he KNOWS what young boys are like! :D (Him being one himself at one time)
I would just give it time and even though you hate being around or being nice to him,,,,do it. Be nice, be thoughtful and by all means respect his daughter. He is afraid of his daughter becoming intimate and growing into a young woman. It's hard when "daddy's" realize their little girls are growing up and "daddy" is no longer the only man in their daughter's lives.
You will just have to go with the flow on this one. And when I was young, boys were not allowed in my room unless my parent's were home and the door was to remain open at all times.
She's the elder of two daughters, and he has a 25 yr old son in a previous marriage. I am her first real love, she tells me. Shes 17. He should know if he knows his daughter (which i doubt sometimes) that she is a very sensible & responsible person. She wouldn't let anything happen even if i tried. Which, as ive said, i have no intentions of doing. I respect her. I just love being around her. Thats why this is so hard. If i was just after sex i could go find someone else. But im not. I love her. I dont know if he can see that. And no-one can tell him cos he doesnt listen, just goes off in another angry lecture to her. Thanks for your help.
Thank you. Its reassuring to think that its not just me. I just couldnt think of what id done wrong! But if its just me being with her thats causing this, then i'll just have to live with it for the time being! Cos theres no way in the world i'm going to let him, or anyone else for that matter, break us up. The only person that could do that is her. And as far as i can see, she has no intention of either!
I will respect him. I'll try anyway. I am now. I've never said anything about him, to her, to him, to anyone. Despite the insults i get from him some of the time. The thing is he won't say it directly to me, he'll tell her what he thinks and then she'll come to me, upset and i have to keep on comforting her when he upsets her. It hurts me to see her hurt like this again and again. But, unsuprisingly, they're her parents and she forgives them. Every time. Maybe a little too easily. I don't know. Thats for her to decide really. Sometimes he'll say things to her that mean i lose out. Like she's not allowed to be seen texting around them, thats anti-social apparently, (even tho the other daughter is), so i'll not be able to talk to her when shes with them sometimes. When they want her with them, they make it so hard for her to say no. Sometimes she just gets told what shes doing. Its like she doesn't really have control of her own life some of the time. So sometimes i don't get to see her as much as i'd like either. And suprisingly enough that hurts me as well. I know im just going to have to wait this one out!
I don't want to hate him, i cant help it when he does this to us. I'd like it to work out between us, but if it doesn't thats not really my problem. Its not going to affect me and her. Fighting talk!

Everyones advice has been so helpful and encouraging, thank you to all.





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