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[QUOTE=Arms]Hey, I've just started going out with this girl. We both really like eachother, and are able to talk on a pretty deep level, share secrets, and get along great. She's worried though because we both really like eachother, but she says that she's afraid that she's going to start hating me.
In all of her previous relationships she's only had very short term relationships. Anywhere from just a couple weeks to just a month or two. The longest she had was five months but they were on and off every week because she kept breaking up with him but he'd convince her to get back together. She's afraid that she might have some problem with committment or another issue neither of us are aware of, and i'm worried that she might, i dont think it's healthy to be having multiple relationships that dont' last at all, especially since she really starts to dislike the person after only a few weeks. I was wondering if anyone has any advice for her/us on how to handle the situation. I'd really like to keep going out with her for awhile so I'm interested in finding out, but even more importantly if we do break up I'd like to be able to have helped her a little bit so she doesn't keep having this problem in the future, i'm more worried about her.
If anyone has any advice or anything it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you


P.S. I was thinking that it may have something to do with the 'excitement'/mystery of a new person wearing off, and if it is this how would you be able to balance this out or fix this so she doesn't feel this way, we'd both really like to know, she's starting to get frustrated on the whole matter thinking maybe she needs therapy or something, although that's not really an option right now....[/QUOTE]

I think you're onto something important in your postscript. Many people seem to get intoxicated, even addicted, to the "high" that results from the excitement and intrigue of a new relationship. In this phase the brain produces certain pleasurable chemicals that wear off once a relationship progresses, so there is a scientific explanation for this pattern of behavior. If this girl has never been able to maintain a long-term relationship, she may just not have met the right person (especially if she's still young), or she may indeed have some commitment or other issues that she needs to resolve. The fact that she's discussed this issue with you suggests she is concerned about it and wants to change, so therapy would probably be a good idea for her. The most important thing is to maintain honest, open communication so hopefully you can head off any of her desires to sabotage your relationship before they become major obstacles. By the way, I think she's really fortunate to have such a caring, concerned boyfriend that wants to help her overcome these issues. I would definitely encourage her to seek counseling or at least do research into how to deal with a fear of commitment. If you both want to be together, you're right to be proactive in dealing with her commitment issues before they impact your relationship. Good luck!





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