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When broke up with my boyfriend of 2 yrs, it was on very good terms and we also continued to talk regularly (even more then once a day). And when i started dating someone new about a year and a half ago, I continued to be friends with the ex, but i was also [I]very [/I] aware of my current bf's feelings about it. i knew it annoyed him (ex and i have office jobs, so we chat on IM literally all day), but since [I]nothing [/I] shady was going on the with ex, i was almost hyper about keeping everything open to my boyfriend. even to the point when he would ask if i had talked to the ex that day, if he texted my cell phone i would say "oh yeah, it was pretty funny..." and hand him my cell to read the text messages himself. i'm sure he couldn't care less what random thing we were chatting about, but i figured it would put his mind at ease that i let him read all my texts & do all the snooping he wanted on my cell. i would hand it over and usually go do something else, so if he wanted to paw through my call log or voicemails or anything, have at it. when my ex was in town for the first time, the very first thing i did was take him to meet my boyfriend. that was just me being aware that if i were him (or YOU!!!) i would be annoyed!!
my point (however rambling...) is that if your boyfriend was having an honest friendship with his EX, he should be more then happy to be 100% open with you. I also do NOT think that you are overreacting! you don't need to throw a hissyfit at him, but i would say something like "i'm sorry if i seem paranoid, but can you blame me for being a little uncomfortable that you speak to her all the time?" If he says that he thinks you're crazy, you got problems. insensitive guys are hard to change.
Bottom line, his hiding their relationship could either be because they really are just friends and in his wierd-thinking guy-mind, he thinks you'll be less stressed about it if he just tells you they don't talk. Or option 2 is that he is "keeping his options open" and that you should have no patience for. :nono:
I agree, the chase should be over. There comes a time in a relationship, usually once boyfriend/girlfriend are established that you should be able to let your guard down and not play games anymore. I do think your Dad has given you good advice. Your boyfriend will either see that he might loose you and be willing to make sacrifices (limit talking to the ex) in order to salvage your relationship or he may realize that he wants his ex afterall. So, if you do this you need to be prepared for any outcome, including one that blows up in your face, so to speak. But then you'll know either way. I'm sure you'd rather know now if the two of you are meant to be then for him to leave for his ex 6 months from now. So maybe this is a test for the relationship, but just make sure you're ready for it. So if you spend more time with your friends then thats healthy and if things go bad with the boyfriend then you'll have your friends right there to pick you up. I think your boyfriend doesn't know why he feels he "needs" to talk to her...but if he "needs" to talk to her in order to have a good day then that says something you don't want to hear. Wanting to talk to someone and needing to talk to someone are two different things. He should need to talk to you..not her. So if you want to distance yourself I think thats a good idea, but brace yourself because some major changes may occur.----but I think you'll get your answers.
Hi,
Thanks pinkmonkey for your thoughts. But, whatever happend with your boyfriend and his ex? Do they still talk and are you 2 still together?

I always want to know what is said in their conversations bit it is like pulling teeth to get any info. out of him. I hate snooping, but that is how I finally learned that they were talking all the time....I looked through his phone and at when/how long the conversations were. I wanted to know, but as soon as I found out it made me mad/frustrated/sad.

He says everyday that he loves me so much and would never do anything to hurt me...and I even told him that cheating was an automatic breakup in my book no matter how much I loved the person. He told me he would never do anything like that...I believe him. I know cheating is not the case!! The only thing is that he talks to her all the time and now doens't tell me about it. What I don't understand is that he used to tell me he talked to her or he would talk to her in front of me, and that made me feel comfortable with their friendship...because I could hear the conversation. But now, it is all secretive....why??? It is like talking to a brick wall when I approach him and he always defends her and their friendship..."get over it" he says, and I always wind up crying either silently or out loud. Is that why he hides it, as to not upset me now because he knows how I feel.

PINKMONKEY....as for the ultimatum thing......the 2 of us went on a vacation this summer, just the two of us...and on the plane ride home she called and left a message asking him to attend her birthday celebration with her family....(just him along with her family)..I thought it was strange and I layed it on the line that nothing about that made me happy...I even started getting really pissed off at him and he finally said, "maybe I just shouldn't talk to her, is that what you want"...and I became a softy, like you too and said, no I would never ask you to give a friendship up for me....and I went on that she was in his life a lot longer...keep in mind we had only been dating about 3 months so I didn't want to seem like some overbearing, jealous girl who would come off as wanting to rule his life, it was too soon to express all my fears to him.
But now I wish I had said, "fine, don't talk to her because that would make me happy".. so now I have to deal with this and he always tells me that they are not that good of friends, that they catch up once in a while, etc.....but it is all lies because I have seen his phone.....ARRG.. why can't he just open up to me....and tell me the truth???
:confused:





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