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Hi all,
I was hoping all you guys and girls out there could give me a little advice....

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and he still talks to his ex girlfriend on the phone about every other day....he is in his late 20's, i'm in my early 20's and the ex is his age.

When we first started dating he told me they were still friends. They broke up about a year before we met and they dated for 3 years. They broke up because she moved to another state to finish college....now she is back..

Anyway, the first couple months we dated sometimes she would call when I was with him and he would pick up the phone and talk to her in front of me (not very long) and although I didn't like that he was still friends with her, it didn't really bother me...I saw them nothing more than friends.

Now, he calls her on his way home from work before he calls me and they never talk on the phone when I am around, only when I'm not. Don't ask me how I know, I just do..take my word on that.

I tried to bring it up to him that it kind of breaks my heart to know that he is still buddy buddy with his ex (whom I have not met) and I don't understand where he draws the line with his feelings and sure, I am a bit jealous. I'm a girl, it's nature. He still has her old love letters tucked in a drawer, some of her clothes in his closet, etc. The fact is he hides his relationship with her from me now, when he used to not hide it. I know they talk, I'm no dummy, but why does he hide it now? Whenever I get enough courage to bring it up he puts a brick wall up and defends her and says that I just need to get over it and not worry: that he loves me and is with me.

Am I out of line to try to tell him my feelings. He just won't acknowledge them it seems, or he hides his relationship with her because he knows it upsets me. I though that if a guy had really moved on from a relationship that he would slowly ween himself off of her and move on. I don't want him to stop being friends with her if he doesn't want to. She was in his life way before I was and for a lot longer, and I would never make him give up a friendship for me or give him an ultimatum, I just want him to respect my feelings and be open to me about his relationship with her and catch up to her once or twice a year, not 5 times a week. Is that too much for a girlfriend to ask. Shouldn't she have respect for me too and back off a bit?

The whole thing stresses me out and I have gone to my parents my sister in law, etc. for help and now I am coming to you...please give me some advice on the situation. Thank you
:confused:
Hi,
Thanks pinkmonkey for your thoughts. But, whatever happend with your boyfriend and his ex? Do they still talk and are you 2 still together?

I always want to know what is said in their conversations bit it is like pulling teeth to get any info. out of him. I hate snooping, but that is how I finally learned that they were talking all the time....I looked through his phone and at when/how long the conversations were. I wanted to know, but as soon as I found out it made me mad/frustrated/sad.

He says everyday that he loves me so much and would never do anything to hurt me...and I even told him that cheating was an automatic breakup in my book no matter how much I loved the person. He told me he would never do anything like that...I believe him. I know cheating is not the case!! The only thing is that he talks to her all the time and now doens't tell me about it. What I don't understand is that he used to tell me he talked to her or he would talk to her in front of me, and that made me feel comfortable with their friendship...because I could hear the conversation. But now, it is all secretive....why??? It is like talking to a brick wall when I approach him and he always defends her and their friendship..."get over it" he says, and I always wind up crying either silently or out loud. Is that why he hides it, as to not upset me now because he knows how I feel.

PINKMONKEY....as for the ultimatum thing......the 2 of us went on a vacation this summer, just the two of us...and on the plane ride home she called and left a message asking him to attend her birthday celebration with her family....(just him along with her family)..I thought it was strange and I layed it on the line that nothing about that made me happy...I even started getting really pissed off at him and he finally said, "maybe I just shouldn't talk to her, is that what you want"...and I became a softy, like you too and said, no I would never ask you to give a friendship up for me....and I went on that she was in his life a lot longer...keep in mind we had only been dating about 3 months so I didn't want to seem like some overbearing, jealous girl who would come off as wanting to rule his life, it was too soon to express all my fears to him.
But now I wish I had said, "fine, don't talk to her because that would make me happy".. so now I have to deal with this and he always tells me that they are not that good of friends, that they catch up once in a while, etc.....but it is all lies because I have seen his phone.....ARRG.. why can't he just open up to me....and tell me the truth???
:confused:





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