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Thanks elatedgiraffe

It's nice to hear that you don't think I am out of line...personally, I don't feel I am either. The whole situation is just, well like you put it "fishy". I know he loves and cares for me. We spend all of our free time together...when I get off work I go straight to his place, I spend the night there, we spend weekends together, etc. There has only been one day in our relationship that I haven't seen him...so why does he need his ex girlfriend sooo close? Arrg, men!!!!

I tried writing a letter at work (it came out to 3 pages typed single spaced) explaining all my feelings and emotions, etc. I read it but i didn not have the nerve to give it to him. I was afraid I might have expressed too much. It was sincere, not rude or mean, just all the outpour I had been wishing to get out.

He tells me he wants to keep me forever all the time, and he talks about wanting to get a place with me one day, and I would like to believe him, but I don't take it for more than anything but words/talk. I would love to keep him forever, but I don't want to get my hopes up too high, you know?

I don't talk to any of my ex's, except for one, maybe once a year or every other year. He is married to the girl he dated after me and I didn't sit there and fight for him, if he wanted to be with me he would have been, and I realize that things happen for a reason, so I don't try to mettle too much with the fact that I will not get everything I want in life, this includes the perfect relationship. When my new boyfriend saw a picture of my ex in my room he made a comment and I immediately replaced it with a picture of us out of respect for him and to let him know that my ex was my past and he was my present. I asked him to move an old letter she gave him off of his desk because I see it everyday, and it took me breaking down in tears months later for him to finally move it (still didn't throw it away) and he thought I was nuts.

All my family and friends that I have talked to explain to me that he I have to just keep bringing it up to him and hope that one day he listens. My fear is that if I do that I will eventually drive him crazy and push him right into her arms. It's ok to "rock the boat" a bit, but I don't want an all out war, you know?

I have never met this girl, so I won't judge her, but shouldn't she respect the fact that he is with me now and back off a bit? I just have this feeling that she keeps him as close as he lets her so maybe when the time is right she can "move in". I don't know, maybe I feel as if he is "keeping his options open" so to speak if "we" ever became "he" and "I". I can see her point that she wants to keep him in her life. I mean, I would still want to keep him in my life if we ever broke up, I just hope we never break up. I really see myself with him in his future.

He just talks to her too much I think, and now he does it when I'm not around so I don't find out. I even ask him after work "how was your day, did you talk to any of your friends, how was their christmas, etc" and on the days I know he has talked to her he still says, "nope you are the only person I've talked to today". Is he trying to spare me the aggrivation and protecting my feelings or is he now just doing it to spite me? Remember, he used to talk to her in front of me until I tried to explain my feelings to him, now he talks to her behind my back. Any more thoughts?????
Hi all,
Thank you so much for all of your thoughts. It is nice to hear people's opinions who I don't really know, because you can be honest and not "soften the blow" so to speak like my family or friends. It is refreshing. :)

In the past 2 days (since I first posted) I have let things be and kept my silence to him. I still think about it constantly though.

In response to ana_27, yes we do see each other everyday but we both hang out with our friends too. We either all go hang out, his and my friends (our 2 best friends even dated for a little while) or he goes out with his guy friends or I go out with my girlfriends. I don't worry that he is doing anything wrong when he goes out with them because I always wind up picking him up at night from wherever they are all hanging out so as he, or anyone else who has been drinking, doesn't drive home. I have never been suspicious of that, ever.

I know he loves me and I attend all his family functions with him and his mom even told me one night how special of a girl I am, but who knows, she could have told the ex that too. HAHA. My boyfriend tells me sometimes (usually when he has had a few beers) that his friends used to hate his ex and even his parents did too). I never take this to heart because he is a little tipsy when these words come out, and I don't like to be compared to her. True, we haven't met, but I've seen pictures.

The only thing that REALLY rubs me the wrong way is that he has to continue his close relationship with her. What for??? He won't tell me obviously, I've tried.

My dad has told me to do what you say, ana_27, to keep my distance. He said, "absence makes the heart grow fonder". He concluded that since we are always together he is too comfortable and I have taken away the excitement of the chase, so to speak. He thinks that if I spend some time at my house or with my friends without him more, that he will realize that he does or doesn't want to give me up in his life. It will make him see what I really mean to him (for better or worse). What do you all think about that advice?

I will let you know the next time I confront him and what happens. Thanks again, you are all great :)





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