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Hi,

I'm 27, my ld boyfriend is 29 and we have been in a long distance relationship for over 3 years. There are 3 issues that I'm concerned about:

1- How often to visit?
Our schedules are busy.. but he isn't poor.. and he has his weekends free. I asked him to fly to see me every 3rd or 4th weekend.. and he said that it's not worth it just for a weekend and that it has to be for at least 4 days. But, I know people who are in the exact same situation who see each other on the weekends despite the short time as seeing each other, even if just for a day, is worth it. So.... we see each other every FOUR MONTHS!!!

2- So.. we see each other so sparsely.. and yet we don't even make up for it on the phone. He literally wants to talk on the phone for 10 mins a day. And, it's always me initiating the topics. Otherwise, he's silent. He never says I miss you, I love you, I can't wait to see you...

3- PRESENTS. Yes, he pays for every single restaurant, hotel, activity we do.. but come Valentine's day or Xmas or even my bday.. not one card or present!! In the 1st year he'd give me presents but then once he started to pay for everything he stopped giving me presents. I guess he thinks that he pays for so much already it is a present in a way.. but he could afford the extra $50 for a small something for me?!?!

We were in love during the first year.. but it all went downhill after a huge fight although we stayed together.. he said at that point that he didn't love me. I've been trying to get him to love me but he just can't .. and it's getting worse and worse and worse.. are these 3 things bad signs and should I just expect the worst? And, if I were crazy enough to try to make it work.. should I just put up with these things indefinitely? Or, should I try somehow to get through to him that it's wrong. I tried to break up with him.. but he called me on my bluff.. so I don't think that's a good way to get through to him.

HELP!!!!!! I'm losing him :(
Thanks :p
[QUOTE=Alexandra789456]Hi,

I'm 27, my ld boyfriend is 29 and we have been in a long distance relationship for over 3 years. There are 3 issues that I'm concerned about:

1- How often to visit?
Our schedules are busy.. but he isn't poor.. and he has his weekends free. I asked him to fly to see me every 3rd or 4th weekend.. and he said that it's not worth it just for a weekend and that it has to be for at least 4 days. But, I know people who are in the exact same situation who see each other on the weekends despite the short time as seeing each other, even if just for a day, is worth it. So.... we see each other every FOUR MONTHS!!!

2- So.. we see each other so sparsely.. and yet we don't even make up for it on the phone. He literally wants to talk on the phone for 10 mins a day. And, it's always me initiating the topics. Otherwise, he's silent. He never says I miss you, I love you, I can't wait to see you...

3- PRESENTS. Yes, he pays for every single restaurant, hotel, activity we do.. but come Valentine's day or Xmas or even my bday.. not one card or present!! In the 1st year he'd give me presents but then once he started to pay for everything he stopped giving me presents. I guess he thinks that he pays for so much already it is a present in a way.. but he could afford the extra $50 for a small something for me?!?!

We were in love during the first year.. but it all went downhill after a huge fight although we stayed together.. he said at that point that he didn't love me. I've been trying to get him to love me but he just can't .. and it's getting worse and worse and worse.. are these 3 things bad signs and should I just expect the worst? And, if I were crazy enough to try to make it work.. should I just put up with these things indefinitely? Or, should I try somehow to get through to him that it's wrong. I tried to break up with him.. but he called me on my bluff.. so I don't think that's a good way to get through to him.

HELP!!!!!! I'm losing him :(
Thanks :p[/QUOTE]

OMGOSH! Your situation sounds to much like my ex. It hurt so bad that he wouldn't come see me. I usually ran, spent, and sacrificed and went to see him on my own. When we were together there was no continuous quality time. It gradually became time where it was us and his friends. I wanted to do stuff just him and I, he had the balls to say it isn't as fun that way. :eek: HE hated the phone. Most of the time he wasn't listening when I was talking on the phone to him. It hurts so bad. He wouldn't talk or he wouldn't share at all. Towards the end, he gave me looks or ask if i would pay for mine before we went somewhere. He became controlling. He could go anywhere he pleased. I had to stay home. A voice in the background became a huge deal ?was that a guy? who was that? He stopped saying he missed me. He said we should stop holding hands cause it was to immmature after we had been doing it for 3 yrs. I was liek huh???:confused: He stopped making me feel beautiful. He stopped being involved and interested in my life. He starting being an a$$. Losing him was the best THING EVER! An incredible guy dropped in my life in the nick of time before I lost my complete indentify and self-respect. Oh and the presents thing. He ended up handing me gifts in the store bag unwrapped with price tag still on it and said, "this is your bday and Vday present all in one" :rolleyes: I missed out on so many life opporunities. I didn't go to parties, outings with friends, didn't do all i wanted while i went on a trip overseas, missed concerts, abandoned family and friends. Wasted 5 years of my life. 4 that were long distance. Turned out he cheated and went to clubs and flirted like crazy. He was still in love with his ex. He works on airplanes and make great money, but nothing like money can compare to the huge heart i have now in my bf. Girl I know, let him go! :nono:





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