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[QUOTE=mandeline04]I'm having a bit of a problem here. I'm 22 & have been dating the same guy almost a year now, I broke up with a guy I dated for 2 year for him b/c the guy i previously dated started lying to me about drinking a lot & i quit doing all the partying stuff & i just wasn't happy anymore. When i met my boyfriend now, we had a lot of common issues, both had problems with drinking & drugs and both have quit. He went to rehab b/c he had an addiction to cocaine & was an alcoholic, had two dui's and lost his license. He deals with a lot of emotional and mental problems, he's always down, & always seems to be in a bad mood. He has a huge heart & i love him more than anything b/c he's my best friend, and i plan on marrying him one day. He makes me happier than i've ever been.

When i get upset about something, i'm having a bad day, whatever...he always seems to think that i'm mad at him - and i never am....so he gets real upset b/c he thinks i'm lying to him & i'm not telling him something & he doesn't nderstand when i'm not in a great mood all the time. It's like he has to rely on my happiness & wellbeing everyday to function properly! If something is wrong with me, he automatically thinks something is wrong with us, and since he can't bare the thought of it...we argue!

He always says things that hurts my feelings terribly, and we argue for a couple hours about it...i'll cry the whole time, then he ends up realizing that i'm not lying, everything is fine with us, and it'sjust his emotional stress that is causing us problems![/QUOTE]

Congratulations on cleaning up your act and moving on from an unhealthy relationship. It's great that your boyfriend has stopped covering up his anxiety and depression by abusing substances, but it doesn't sound like these issues are being dealt with sufficiently. Is he seeing a therapist of any kind to get these feelings under control? It may be that he's suffering from a chemical imbalance and may benefit from some sort of psychiatric medication. My first suggestion to you would also be to find a professional to talk to about your relationship and how to best cope with your BF's actions. Unfortunately, as much as you want to help him, you really only have control over your responses, not what he does or feels.

You are doing an admirable job of being supportive and understanding, but are you getting the support and stability you need from him in return? I'm a little confused that you say he's always down and in a bad mood, then in the next sentence say he makes you happier than you have ever been. It seems like you're not allowed to ever be upset or frustrated without prompting an argument. No one can always be content, and the role of a partner is to be there for you to make things better when you're having a hard time, not argue with you and make things worse. If he's saying cruel things and making you cry every time you don't seem cheerful, he needs to find a better way to deal with stress ASAP. If these arguments are getting progressively worse, I'm worried that it's going to escalate from emotional abuse to physical abuse unless he gets help.

I would never tell you to break up with him, but I also wouldn't let things continue as they are if I was you. You say you're happy, but most of your post suggests that this relationship is causing you lots of distress. You're doing a great thing by being there to support your boyfriend, but you also have to think about your well-being and not allow him to take out his problems on you. Again, I would definitely try therapy to figure out in more detail what you can do to improve things and cope better. Take care and good luck.





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