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My bf broke up with me last night. We had just had a nice week together, but ended it with a fight about the future. I lost it and got furious about a lot of things I had been holding back, and probably acted irrationally. He got mad and left, and then called me to tell me it is over. We have done this before, but this time I am afraid it is for good. He hasn't treated me very well for a long time, but in between we have had some good times together, and he we once had a really wonderful relationship. That is why it is so hard to let go. I have built my whole life around his, and I don't know how to let go of the plans we made. The idea of him marrying someone else, and having children with someone else (something I wanted with him more than anything) is killing me, even though I know that there is no one else right now. He is terrified of commitment, but has been faithful to me over the past 2 or so years. Our problem is that he tries to have a gf and still be single too. He doesn't want to give up anything that he did before, and I feel like I always come last. he is somewhat emotionally abusive, cutting me off for days at a time and then acting like everything is fine again. my schooling is coming to an end here in a fw months, and I will be leaving the country if we are not together. It was a big decision that we were going to have to make and I think that he is terrified. He said he wanted to do the long distance thing, but I wanted to move closer to him. I have a good relationship with his parents and they say that he just needs some time and not to call or make any contact, let him miss me and come around on his own. Right now he will not talk to me and just said it is over, that he saw who I really was (when I was upset) and doesn't want to have to deal with that. I was very upset, but he also said a lot of thing/dis some stuff that was very hurtful after we had just spent a nice time together and I had done a lot for him in the past few days. I always try to hold back my emotions because he just gets mad but it all came out and now I am alone and feeling like I will never get over him. Everyone says I will find someone else, but I want to be with him despite the things he has said/done. I want to be back to the way we once were. How will I ever get through this and how can I accept that he will have the dreams we once shared with someone else?
I have to agree with the advice you've gotten so far. I think the "I saw who you really are and I don't want to deal with it" thing was just an easy out. It sounds like he's been waiting for the right fight to come along to finally say it's over. I think it would be a good idea for you to get a more objective view of what's really been going on the last 8 months in your relationship. Make two lists, one of the things you love about the relationship and that make you feel good and that you will miss. Then make another list, one of all the things that hurt you or make you feel bad about the relationship, all the things that disappoint you, all the things that have frustrated you or made you unhappy. I'm willing to bet if you're honest with yourself, you'll find the second list will be at least twice as long as the first one. The truth is, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Trust me, I know in practice it's not that easy, cut and dried and black and white. I'm still helplessly in love with my ex, who in truth was probably not the best thing for me, but I loved him. He has a wife and three stepdaughters now, and it hurts like hell every day. I know what you're not looking forward to. But if he's done, he's done, and it's probably for the best. The only thing you really can do is do your best to have faith that it's over because God has something else planned for you, and do your best to go out to find it. I know right now you're at the very beginning stage of it, because his parents are telling you to give him time and see if he comes around, so you don't even have any closure now, so you're still fearing the pain that you don't even know for sure is coming. But it is something you will have to face and walk through, so try baby steps. Make your lists, be honest and take a good long hard look at the relationship. Then you may be in a better position to let it go if that's what you have to do. I feel for you, but hang in there and vent here if you need to. You'll get through it. Good luck to you. :)





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