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Relationship Health Message Board

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Re: Girlfriend's Ex
Jan 11, 2005
Stop giving her the third degree about her ex boyfriend. What does he matter to the two of you? If you keep bringing him up, she'll never forget him! You keep throwing him in her face.
Concentrate on the two of you and build your relationship. Never ask a girl to compare you to her ex boyfriend. Put yourself in her shoes: Would you like all the badgering questions? Not only that, but it makes you look insecure. Not a very good trait to have.

Leave her past in the past and concentrate on your future. If you can't trust and believe her, you need to call it quits.
Re: Girlfriend's Ex
Jan 11, 2005
You are doing this all wrong man...How can you ask her to compare yourself towards her ex? Sometimes people just aren't meant to be together...Maybe she loved him and had a great time with him...But he wasn't the one for her...that's why she's with you now...How can you ask her about what they did in bed and who's better than who?

I had a boyfriend that i really loved and cared about..he was the sweetes guy ever, and I can't say a bad word about him...But we were not meant to be...I had to move on...The one I'm with now is also a wonderful man...And I love him..I can't say that I love him more than my ex...cause once my ex was the only one for me. But today I know that I love him in a different way...much deeper..I am sure that you had a girlfriend once that you were crazy about...

Everytime you thought about her your heart almost hurted...How can you say that that feeling you had in the past can be compared about the way you feel about the gf you have today? You can't...cause you were true to your feelings the last time you had a gf. That doesn't mean that you don't can feel the same thing for the one you are with now?

If you are so stuck up in her past, your relationship will be over soon...To be honest...her sex with her ex is you really think she want's to hear about the way you had sex with your ex? All the moves and the feelings? I know I don't wanna hear it from my bf...

Man...move with what you and your gf have and let go of her ex, or you WILL lose her...
Re: Girlfriend's Ex
Jan 11, 2005
hearttoheart is completely right, this isn't a matter of "letting her go to see if she'll go back to him". It doesn't sound like she's indicated in any way that she's still interested in him.

This sounds like your problem, not hers, and specifically - insecurity. Your best move would be to let her past stay where it is, I know it's hard sometimes to accept that the people we're with and adore have had previous relationships, but it's time to accept that she's with you - she loves you - or she would simply leave on her own. If you keep hounding her about this past and asking her to compare I can imagine she'd get pretty sick of it very fast and you WILL lose this relationship.

Back off, focus on the two of you, not the two of them - there is not 'them' anymore. Enjoy what you have for what it is, and appreciate that she's with you now.
Re: Girlfriend's Ex
Jan 11, 2005
But guys you didnt really get the point of the post... Yes I asked her all these questions about her past. I only did that to protect me. How many partners have you been with, how many partners have your partners been with. I also thought that knowing her better would help me understand her better making the relationship better. But thats not my problem...

I think she has a thing for her ex... personally she told me her boyfriend was bigger then me and that she likes bigger men... I was ounce talking to a female friend that my girlfriend was insecure about... I cut my connections with her... Erased her phone number from my cell deleted her from my buddylists... Now I tell her that I dont like her boyfriend [insecurity] and that i would like her to close all of her connections with her ex... She tells me that she dosnt ever talk to her ex. So i go on believeing that...

Its a brand new year, and im on her screen name, and guess who sends me an I.M.? The ex-boyfriend. See, I really dont care about all that am i bigger then he is, do i do it better then he does crap, because she already told me i was the sex of her life... My problem is, I think i dont know her all that well, and when I try to get to know her by asking her questions, i dont get any vivid details, all i get are simple answers and sometimes nothing or an attitude.. Right now I dont know what to do.. Does she love me? Because they say that when your partner starts giving you spontaneous attitudes thats usually a sign of cheating... Right now all thats running through my head is, am i boring? Does she love me? Is she taking advantage of me? Is she cheating on me?

Ounce I told her i needed some time out and she told me if I give her time out she'd find someone else. If she told me something like that, I'd let her know how much I loved her and then i'd simply give her space... Praying to god that she hasnt been tampred with. Can someone tell me whats going on.. Im confused. If i cant test her love then what do i do?
Re: Girlfriend's Ex
Jan 11, 2005
Mr. Heydude. You need to relax. You totally sound like my boyfriend, are you? haha.

Let me tell you. My b/f was a constant "bring up the X" kinda guy. And my way of telling him that I didnt want to talk about "him" was to tell my b/f that until he changed the topic I wouldnt talk to him!

Now I too throw a nice attitude and have simple anwsers. My b/f use to hate that about me. I was a quiet person I didnt like to share much cuz I was always afraid of being let down! Your girlfriend doesnt want to bore you with details of her past. It's her past. I hate thinking of my X. And as for him IMing her s/n. Mine will do that from time to time on mine. It's usually just a "hey whats up how you been" kinda talk.

My current b/f doesnt want me to communicate w/my X as well. So ina sense I dont. If he takes the time to contact me (like it is in her case) I usually make it short and sweet. I have no interest in anything my X is doing. And Im assuming it's the same for her.

If you want to get to know her better you need to take her to dinner or out to movies, go to a concert, maybe go bowling! These are ususally the times I remember something and go on to tell my boyfriend "i remember one time...."

If you dont know her fav. food already find out! How about her color? Does she wanna live in the same place her whole life? Does she like to travel, where has she traveled. What does she want to be when she's done w/school, whats the craziest thing she ever did, catch my drift?! My boyfriend use to be like you, ALOT like you. He'd be like "tell me something about you I dont know..." it leaves me with a complete brain fart because things just come natural! I cant just spit something out and make it sound good!

I think if you just go out and have a good time with her it will naturally bring up things you can ask or things that she just might come out and tell you!?!

But truthfully I would give everything about the X a rest. Who cares if she "use" to prefer bigger guys, or "who cares" what she saw in him....The point is, she's with you now! YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU!!! Just go out and make the best of it! Dont let some dooshbag from the past ruin this relationship!

I hope that helped!

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