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Relationship Health Message Board


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This is my first time writing on a message board so please bare with me.
My boyfriend and i hav been together for 2 1/2 years, we started living together after about 3 months of going out. I thought everything was fine between us. But apparently it wasnt. I basically did everything for him, i cook, wash, clean, iron everything... We're both 23yrs old but i want to settle down and get married and i kept telling him i wanted to be married by the time i was 26. I know i shouldnt have pressured him, but i only realized that now. About 2 months ago he told me he needed some time alone and he wanted his space. He said he wanted to see what it was like to live on his own for a while and to be independent. I was devastated, obviously, but if he needed space then thats what i was going to give him. I love him so much i would have done anything not to lose him. So he moved in with one of his friends, cos he had a 3 bedroom house. I still saw him nearly everyday tho, cos he would come over and i'd cook supper for him or he'd bring his washing etc... But he said he liked his space and freedom and he like going out with his friends. I used to ask him why he didnt sleep over and he'd say he likes going out with his friends and coming home late and if he stayed over i'd get upset at the times he came home.... So i left it.
Then i started to get suspicious that there was someone else but he always had an excuse and he always denied everything and then he'd get cross with me for asking questions and he'd threaten to break up with me and i loved him so much and didnt want to lose him so i stopped asking questions and just left it.
Then on christmas eve my friends phoned me to tell me they saw him at a shopping centre holding another womans hand. When i confronted him he told me it was his cousin (as if). And i believed him. And then on New Years Day the woman he'd been cheating on me with for the last 2 and a half months showed up at my house where me and 'my' boyfriend were sleeping. She wanted to speak to him she said and i found out that this whole time she thought he was her boyfriend and that he was cheating on her with me! So i told them both to get out my house and i packed my bags and went to my parents.... I was completely devastated. I'd never been so upset in my whole life, it felt like my whole world had fallen apart. I cried in my dads arms for a really long time.....
Then 2 days later he phoned me and he wanted to see me. I wanted to know everything. I wanted to know why he did it, how many times, etc... I had to know everything, i didnt know why, but i had to.
So he came over and he told me everything. He said it was only about sex. He said it was only supposed to happen once, but then he met with her again and again... and it just got out of control. We were both virgins when we first got together and this girl he was with was very experienced so he said the sex was really good, and thats why he just couldnt stop. I asked him why he didnt just break up with me and he said because he loves me so much and it was supposed to be a once off thing. He said it was the biggest mistake of his life and he wished he hadnt done it and it will NEVER happen again. He met this girl at work and they would talk for hours so he really got to know her and the one night he saw her out and she was really drunk and she told him how much she liked him and all his friends told him she was really good in bed so he said he was curious so thats why he did it. He said he would do anything to get me back. So i decided to give him another chance, which i have. And it still hurts knowing he was with another woman, but i'm dealing with it cos i do love him very much and i do want to be with him. But this girl he was with is now in love with him and she wont leave him alone. He's told her he wants nothing to do with her and that he wants to get back together with me, but she wont leave him alone. She said she wont stop until she gets him back. She phones him and sms's him all the time telling him how much she loves him etc... And last week she got sick (some kidney problems) and she had to go to the hospital and she phoned him cos she has nobody else and he took her to the hospital etc.... He told me he couldnt just leave her, cos she doesnt have anybody else.
I dont know what to do anymore..... Its bad enough he cheated on me with her but now he's still helping her out. He says he loves me and he would never ever be with her again, but i just dont know what to do anymore.
Does anyone have any advice for me.....???

I know everyone is going to tell me the same thing: 'to tell him to get lost and to just move on'. But its not as easy as it sounds.....





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