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Re: Rejection
Jan 19, 2005
Hey Guys-
Ugh...I knew this would be rough, but not THIS bad. Today I feel totally ran over. I feel like my world is spinning out of control. I feel sick to my stomach and literally just want to go to bed and fall asleep. But even that doesn't work because I keep having dreams about my ex. I was wondering if maybe something is really wrong with him? Maybe hes layed up in some hospital or something?? :confused: Maybe he didn't get my e-mail or my messages? I just find it so odd that he hasn't acknowledged any of it. I mean it is possible that maybe something awful has happened to him? If you knew him...I mean I just don't think he'd do this. Even if he didn't want to talk or changed his mind about being in my life; he'd at least let me know that. I mean this guy nobody ever thought was this big of a jerk. Hes a teacher, he loves animals and kids. It just isn't making sense and something has me wondering if hes not okay. Maybe he got in a car wreck...I just don't know anymore.

I feel so empty and SO lost. Everyone says I need to figure out what to do with my life. Now I have 6 weeks to do that. I have no idea. I don't think I'm going to figure it out in 6 weeks either. I mean it has almost been 3 months since my break up. Thats not long at all. I mean, it is awhile, but no wonder I feel completely confused. I keep praying, but even prayer doesn't seem to calm my nerves. All I have left is my faith and I am trying to trust that God won't give me more than I can handle, but I think he has. I've lost my boyfriend. I've lost my best friend. I'm loosing my job. I've tried to resist temptation and got rid of my crutch (friends with benefits). I've tried to go out and meet new people. I have hung out with new people. I have met several guys...but they all blend into the same old jerks. I feel so alone and so defeated. Why is God doing this? Doesn't he know that I just couldn't take anything else to go wrong right now? What on earth am I going to do? I can barely breathe anymore...I'm just tired, tired of it all.

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