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Rejection
Jan 14, 2005
Ughhh...last night was a rough night. I drank way too much and ended up sobbing like a baby listening to Norah Jones at 4 a.m. this morning...but today I feel better. Another day, another day.

This is what I'm dealing with: I feel so rejected. It is one thing to be rejected as a girlfriend, but to be rejected as a person..that hurts. So I'm dealing with my ex pretending I don't and never existed. Thats tough. Him ignoring me is the worst thing...thats just crazy. I never did anything to him to deserve such disrespect. Hopefully in time I can let go of that anger.

So then I got involved with this stupid "friends with benefits" situation. The guy doesn't want a relationship and really either do I, but I guess I wanted him to want one. Is that bad? I wanted proof that someone would want a relationship with me. That I'm good enough for someone to want me exclusively. So I'm irritated that he doesn't want me, when if he said he wanted a relationship I would tell him "no". I swear my head is all messed up. I can't be mad at him. Hes always been up front with me, but now I can't help but wonder what is it about me that isn't "relationship material"...I mean, My ex ditches me right when we're planning to get engaged and here is this guy who doesn't want me like that either. Is it wrong for me to start questioning that maybe something is wrong with me? I've always been better friends with men than women, and often fall into the "just friends" category with men. I think I'm attractive, educated, smart, funny....I don't know maybe I'm just meeting the wrong guys. I'm really working on valuing myself regardless if a man wants me or not. My whole life I've always based my self worth on what others think of me. Now I'm trying to love myself and value myself more and I am, but maybe there is something wrong with me? Maybe I'm not relationship material for anyone. I don't want to be that girl. That really funny cool girl that guys just love to hang out with and thats it. I want to be special to someone and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have that.

Thanks for letting me vent. I really don't know what I'm even whining about...just needed to get that off my chest.
Re: Rejection
Jan 14, 2005
[QUOTE=elatedgiraffe]Ughhh...last night was a rough night. I drank way too much and ended up sobbing like a baby listening to Norah Jones at 4 a.m. this morning...but today I feel better. Another day, another day.

This is what I'm dealing with: I feel so rejected. It is one thing to be rejected as a girlfriend, but to be rejected as a person..that hurts. So I'm dealing with my ex pretending I don't and never existed. Thats tough. Him ignoring me is the worst thing...thats just crazy. I never did anything to him to deserve such disrespect. Hopefully in time I can let go of that anger.

So then I got involved with this stupid "friends with benefits" situation. The guy doesn't want a relationship and really either do I, but I guess I wanted him to want one. Is that bad? I wanted proof that someone would want a relationship with me. That I'm good enough for someone to want me exclusively. So I'm irritated that he doesn't want me, when if he said he wanted a relationship I would tell him "no". I swear my head is all messed up. I can't be mad at him. Hes always been up front with me, but now I can't help but wonder what is it about me that isn't "relationship material"...I mean, My ex ditches me right when we're planning to get engaged and here is this guy who doesn't want me like that either. Is it wrong for me to start questioning that maybe something is wrong with me? I've always been better friends with men than women, and often fall into the "just friends" category with men. I think I'm attractive, educated, smart, funny....I don't know maybe I'm just meeting the wrong guys. I'm really working on valuing myself regardless if a man wants me or not. My whole life I've always based my self worth on what others think of me. Now I'm trying to love myself and value myself more and I am, but maybe there is something wrong with me? Maybe I'm not relationship material for anyone. I don't want to be that girl. That really funny cool girl that guys just love to hang out with and thats it. I want to be special to someone and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have that.

Thanks for letting me vent. I really don't know what I'm even whining about...just needed to get that off my chest.[/QUOTE]

You know you're always welcome to vent here, EG! I know just what you're going through, too. I had sort of a "friends with benefits" situation too, which I think I may have mentioned before, and even though I made it clear up front that I didn't have a heart to give to anyone and I told him not to expect it to develop into anything, and I knew there was no way I would want a relationship with this guy, it still hurt when he didn't call the next day. That's just the way we work, I think. Plus, keep in mind we're fighting biology, too. Remember, last year scientists at UCLA discovered that social rejection registers in the anterior cingulate cortex, the same place of the brain that registers physical pain. That's why being dumped feels like a slap in the face, because our brains register it that way. They think it's because we as a species stay defenseless for so long relatively speaking (we really can't take care of ourselves in any way until at least 5 or 6 years, and we stay with our parents, usually until 18 years of age, and that's a long time compared to other species) wandering away from the "tribe" could mean death, so we have this built in thing in our brain that makes it hurt so much to be separated from other people that we avoid it whenever possible.

Don't beat yourself up too much over the friends with bennies thing. It happens to the best of us, and it's just the lonely talking. But if it's starting to make you feel worse instead of comforted, maybe it's time to move on from it. You need to cut out all the stuff that makes you feel bad about yourself right now. That's why I decided to cut out the "bennies" in my situation. It felt good for a second or two to have someone want me, but it became painful and empty, so I decided that's enough. I'm sure you'll be wonderful relationship material for the right guy. It's just not time to find him yet. Hang in there and try to keep the faith. For what it's worth, I think you're a great girl, and I'm pulling for great things to happen to you! :D





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