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Re: Rejection
Jan 25, 2005
Okay..something really signficant happened. After 3 months since I've seen him and 2 months since we've had any contact I saw him 2 days ago....He called and wanted me to come of course, I did.

He said he has missed me and had thought of calling, but it was so awkward. I told him that it wasn't so much that he maybe had a change of heart, but the way he handled things was awful...that we had a history and had been through so much and he treated me like I was dead. It was intense and it felt good for me to finally "GET" across how bad he hurt fact it made him cry. He said he felt like a real jerk and I told him he is. I still didn't get any closure on what happened to us. He said he still "doesn't know". That hes cut himself off from pretty much everyone and just stays within his box. That hes barely able to take care of himself right now. He asked if I have dated and he made it clear that never was there anyone else and that he has no desire right now. That he still isn't sure what is wrong with him, but that he is sorry. He mentioned that if I moved for me to keep in touch and that maybe we can talk every now and then...I told him I had to think about it because I'm just not sure I want to be friends...after what he has put me through.

I think hes just a real psycho or something. The whole thing still doesn't make sense, but I have to come to grips with the fact that it probably will never make sense. We don't know what happened and he is so bad at handling life head on that he lives in a fantasy world in which he runs from anything that makes him feel uneasy. So I know it is for the best. I know that he couldn't give me all that I need. I know that I certainly don't want to spend my life with someone who runs and hides when things get tough. :rolleyes: I want a man, not a coward. I just thought I'd get a little more closure on why we broke up. I have to accept that it just wasn't meant to be.

It was very difficult to see him. However, it was refreshing to get everything off my chest. To make him feel bad for what hes done...because he deserves to feel bad about it. He kept wanting me to tell him great news about my life, I guess so that he'd feel better about what he did. I didn't have any great news and I wanted to lie, but I couldn't.

We talked for about 30 minutes and once again he got anxious about our conversation and started to try and change the subject. At that point I KNEW that us not being together is 100% the right thing. He is KING of avoidance and lives in a fantasy world.

I'm not sure how I feel. I'm sad of course. I feel better in some ways and worse in others. We had this moment..with our eyes and it was so intense and I can't seem to get that out of my head. I do feel like I can move forward from here and doubt I'll make any contact with him from here on out. This is the best closure I'm going to get so now it is time to accept that some things don't make sense and move on. It really is all so odd...never have I dated a guy like him. I hope to never date one in the future. Thank God I know all men aren't like this. Some people just don't deal with things well and really I kind of feel sorry for him. I really think something isn't "right" with him and he'll probably be a pretty lonely person in life. I told him he messed up and I was good to him and it is his loss. He'll realize that in time when his "little box" world collapes oneday. But thats his problem, by then I'll be with someone else and be really happy. Its about my happiness now and I'm on the road to a whole new life.

I'm very stressed. My whole world has changed so much in the past months. I'm looking for work and I've just got alot going on. Hopefully now I can put him behind me. I'm just really anxious at what lies ahead for me. It is so scary to know that life is changing dramatically and I'm alone on this new journey.

Thanks all for all your support. Please keep me in your prayers. :angel:

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