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Re: What to do?
Jan 15, 2005
[QUOTE=suzblondie27]Currently I am engaged to a wonderful man, but right now our relationship is on the rocks you could say!! He is having personal issues and I'm in college...he transferred his place of employment to a town where he knew no one later to be stabbed in the back by his boss who downgraded him from regional manager (in charge of 3 stores) to a store manager....since this has happened my fiance has been irritable and angry...he recently asked me to put our relationship on a break so he could figure out his life....this has been a very difficult thing for me since we've been together 2 1/2 years, but it has been made more difficult since he has befriended 2 co-workers. They have re-introduced him to the world of smoking boyfriend used to do this before i met him, but not to the extent he is now....i dont want anything to do with it..i guess i'm just confused and want to know how others would deal with this situation[/QUOTE]

I would suggest reading the recent thread by Wowweee, "It's all about you." The main thing to do here is figure out what you want from him, and from relationships in general. Maybe some time away from each other will help you decide whether your issues can be worked out and whether you want to stay with this man. It doesn't sound like he's giving you a choice about the break, so you might as well make the most of it by focusing on you and your needs. Try to figure out where you want this relationship to go from here along with what steps might help you achieve these goals. I do think that his job frustration may be a temporary problem, and while it's not fair to take it out on you, sometimes people can't help it and he might get over it before long. As far as pot, many people may disagree, but I don't think it's a big deal as long as it doesn't interfere with the person's responsibilities and relationships. Most people who are passionately against pot either don't know much about it, or have had one bad experience with it (or known someone with a bad experience)--people with more varied experiences and balanced perspectives generally quite rightly don't see it as a big deal. So if you've never tried it, don't condemn him for smoking pot--I promise it's not as sinister as you probably imagine. It's certainly not as dangerous as alcohol in terms of provoking fights, abuse, accidents, etc., but again, only you can decide whether this is something you can tolerate. You need to make up your mind for yourself whether this man (as a whole package) is someone with whom you want to share a long-term commitment. However, remember that he is an adult and it is very unlikely you can change him, not that you should be with someone you want to change in the first place. Trying to tell him what to do would likely backfire anymore by driving you further apart and therefore pushing him closer to the behaviors you don't like. Are you in a long-distance relationship? If so, it would also be beneficial to consider whether this is something you'll be content with for however long it's supposed to last. In general, I would mainly recommend doing some soul-searching and trying to be honest with yourself about whether this is the right guy for you in the long run, without focusing too much on minor, temporary issues. I believe you will discover the answer if you listen closely to your instincts and try to do whatever is best for you. Good luck :angel:.

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