It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


To Ana:
Congratulations on your upcoming engagement! That's great news. Although breaks can be devastating, sometimes they can do the world of good, and it sounds like yours has. Another win for the good guys, and I hope that it continues to get better and better for you both. I have noticed that my bf is similar to yours where he can express himself a little better when the pressure is not on, and seems to do better when it's over email or messages to my phone. He was very closed off while we were apart, and didn't even respond to that... but now that we are getting things back on track I may give that a try and see if he will at least start responding. He's just not good with the pressure of face to face confrontation. He's a bit better over the phone, and again better in writing. So thanks for reminding me of this, and I will give it a shot.

To Zephy:
Thanks for you post and your encouragement. I am feeling better, like my life is right again and I fit in where I'm supposed to. Sure we have our problems, but I have always thought that we were just meant to be - from the first second I laid eyes on him. For so many years our lives have kept pointing us back to one another, so I just feel right again, if that makes any sense. And you are spot on... how boring would life be if we just went around and around? Although I just wish the lows would not be quite so low!!! I am like you where I like to know where I stand with someone and when there is a problem I verbalise it. Most of the time I can accept how he is and work around it, but this last time really threw me. And it made me realise the true importance of communication in a relationship. Sometimes knowing someone so well just doesn't cut it... because we can't read minds. I am trying to work on my own happiness and trying not to let little things get to me anymore. And when we finally get everything off our chests, hopefully we can move onwards and upwards!!!

To Goody:
Yes, that's what I am afraid of... a repeat of this last performance. I must admit that he is putting in alot of effort, so although it appears that he has not taken any notice as to how this affected me... I honestly think he knows and is trying to make up for some of it. I think the reason that perhaps he is avoiding talking about it (as well as not being a good communicator), is that he knows that he caused all this. He knows that it could have been avoided. And with all the other stress that he has going on in his life, perhaps he is not ready to take responsibility for that. I am not saying that it's all his fault, but certainly the way things were for the past few months were his doing.

I am a strong believer in signs too Goody. I remember with my previous boyfriend I was really at the end of my tether and just wished for a sign that would show me what was meant to be. And as soon as I stopped thinking those words, my eyes landed on a letter from my bank telling me that my funds were depleted (and it wasn't my doing). I had lent him my card for him to buy me something, and he had gambled it away behind my back. So, there was my sign. For years the signs have been shoving me with my current boyfriend, but when there appears to be a bad sign, I'm not sure and get confused. Maybe it's just a sign that something needs to be repaired or there is something wrong? Who knows. Even when things get tough though, I just feel that I am meant to be with him and stick by him. I guess that counts for something.

I think you are spot on about expecting our partners to be mind readers (and vice versa). Especially after being together for so long, we just expect them to know when we are upset and why, and think they're heartless when they don't respond. I guess the reason it's hard to detect with me is because I am often always the responsible one and very rarely crumble. And no matter how bad things get, can always put a smile on my face so that people don't worry. But inside it eats me away. I really do want to share with my bf how I really felt over the last few months... not to make him feel guilty... but just to let him know what I went through and also why I was so uptight before our break. I really want to let it all out. Let my guard down totally and show him that my strong facade is not always as it appears. I am really trying to work on picking my battles now too Goody. If something bothers me, instead of battling it out straight away, I think about it for a day or a few hours and decide if it is really worth arguing about or bringing up... or if I am just over reacting because I am tired, PMSing, work stress etc. I know that he has alot of work to do, but I am not perfect either and think it's a good idea to take this opportunity to work on my flaws too.... hence why I'm good at taking criticism Goody... not very much offends me at all because I know my own faults, and those I don't know about, I'd like to know. ;)

I do try to encourage him to communicate, even if it's something I don't want to hear - I'd rather him be able to be honest without the backlash. And when he is telling me something that is quite embarassing for him or I can see he is struggling with, I try to be supportive and show that I'm on his side. Usually, because I know him so well, I can figure out what he is trying to get at. But this time, when he said the things he did, I had no reason not to believe he didn't mean them the way I took them. He is also prone to saying things out of anger... when he doesn't mean them at all. Not really mean things, but still things that can hurt. The more I think about it though, the more I realise how a lack of proper communication has affected us at many stages of our relationship. I don't think he'd go for the self help books - he'd probably give up after the first page!!! I know he seems like a very complicated creature - people tell me that all the time - but what they don't realise is that I just "get" him. Does that mean that I'm strange too??? :D :jester: :D

Thanks for your well wishes Goody, Ana and Zephy. It hasn't always been easy, but you guys have been so supportive here and have helped me so much, that I don't know what I would have done without you. Probably fallen to pieces. I really appreciate all of your ongoing support and it means more to me than you know.... reminds me that there are still some wonderful people on this crazy Earth.... and that sometimes we can triumph!!! :)





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:15 AM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!