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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

For those who donít know my situation, I just broke up with my BF/Fiance of 7.5 years and the most upsetting thing has happened. First let me say this might be hard to read Iím hyper emotional still and have a lot to say. I was looking at pictures of our vacation and friends on our computer and I happened to stumble across pictures of this girl who I absolutely hate, she is my BFís best friendís GF of 6 years. Well it turns out that my BF and her have been spending a lot of time talking to each other over the past few weeks about problems in our relationships and sheís always flirted with him he was pretty oblivious to it in the beginning only admitting to me once years ago that ďO.k I guess she does flirt a little but who cares, I donítĒ meaning that he could care less about her flirting. Well I have always been insecure about her acting that way towards him but I never confronted her because for two years the four of us lived together. Recently though I have found out that theyíve been talking a lot about us and before X-Mas they wenít shopping so he could help her get a poker table for her BF he blew me off to go with her we had plans to do our own shopping and then he calls me at the last minute and says she needs his help with the table but keep in mind that he blew me off one other time a few days prior to this but that time he didnít tell me he was going with her because I would have been upset he says. That alone ticked me off she didnít need him to help sheís just digging her claws into him because she knew we were having trouble and it was her way of getting in closer and closer. Heís too stupid to see what a vulture she is and that sheís manipulating him and I told him so. Well it was my last night in our apartment when I stumbled across these pictures of her sitting on my couch, I looked at the day and time they were taken and they were taken a week ago when he had the day off from work. I called him on his cell phone pretending to call about something innocent and then I said ď So does he (her BF) know she was over here on Monday?Ē He said what do you mean I said I saw the pictures on the f------ computer she was here on Monday when you had the day off, why the hell was she in here? He just started saying Jamie, Jamie its not what you think, I said yeah then why was she here, he said how about to talk about whatís going on with us, I have no one to talk to sheís the only one I can talk to about feelings I canít talk to my guy friends about that. I said you should have been talking to me. Was it just a coincidence that you both had the day off? He sayís that it is a coincidence and he took the day off to sign the new lease and she happened to have the day off too and he only knew she did because the night before he was over hanging out with her and her BF and she said she wasnít working Monday. He said why would I put those pictures on the computer if I were trying to hide something? I exploded I threw the phone and started smashing it on the floor screaming how could you do this to me you M----- F-----! And by then the phone was broke so he kept trying to call me back and I finally answered and he kept trying to explain but I wouldnít let him, Then all of a sudden he comes in the front door, he was 30 miles away or so he just left everything of his over where he was playing poker I guess I scared the crap out of him because Iíve never exploded like that before. He comes home and tells me that he was the one to call her and that he had her come over to talk for a while about us and then ended up taking her picture with his cell phone I said you shouldnít be taking her picture and he said well I have pictures of guys at work on here too but you wouldnít make a big deal out of that and I said yes because they arenít other women. He said he came home tonight because he was scared of what I was going to do and he wanted to be able to look me in the eye and tell me that there wasnít anything going on with them and there never has been they are only friends. He said heís getting real tired of being accused of something that isnít true. He said she was only over for about an hour like that was supposed to make me feel better. Now I will tell you that he is definitely not the kind of guy to go after some strange girl on the street heís never looked twice, heís always been really into me and Iíve had guy friends of his and ours even say so. Every time I would go out of town he would just mope around and look sad I was told. I know heís had opportunities and I never worried about that kind of thing I just worried about her spending time with him and him ending up liking her as much as she likes him. He told me that I should have been able to trust him no matter what even if the two of them were laying on the couch naked I should have trusted him. I do actually believe that nothing physical has ever happened but itís the mental part I canít get past. Trust and loyalty are two of his biggest attributes and itís hard to envision him putting those values into jeopardy but you never know. He still says he doesnít know if he has feelingís for her other than being friends, he said he never put any thought into it until I kept bringing it up to him and other people have asked him about it as well, He admits that they have an unusually close friendship but thatís all it is. He said they can talk to each other easily and sheís having issues in her relationship similar to ours and thatís what they talk about, her BF treats her like crap. I try to keep in mind that beforeĒusĒ he did have a bunch of friends that were girls and nothing more. I keep telling him that I canít believe that you donít know how you feel about someone and he keepís insisting that he heís confused because he never thought about it until people started mentioning it to him and that there is a lot going on now and he needs to figure things out. I think itís a cop out myself but he swears up and down that heís telling the truth. He said that right now sheís still in a relationship but said that if things were different who knows what could happen ďI just donít knowĒ is what he said. He said that he would never get involved with someone in a relationship and would never get involved with someone willing to drop a relationship for him. Sheís his best friends girlfriend, which is another reason he said he couldnít and wouldnít get involved with her right now. Iíve never had a reason to not trust him not ever, but now I know that anything is possible. I know our relationship ended because of us, we have drifted apart from each other its hard to admit that but I know its true still I canít get past my insecurity about her. He said the last time I went out of town in the beginning of Dec he started to imagine what it would be like to be alone and was re-evaluating our relationship. With many of our friendís relationships ending right now he said he couldnít help but to look at his own.
So then he helped me move the heavy stuff out on Sunday and anytime we were alone we would just stare at each other or he would grab me and hug me, the very last night we spent in our bed together he held my hand and had another on the dog. The goodbye was the absolute hardest thing I have ever done, neither one of us wanted to let go of the other, he kept drying my tears with his sleeves. It was very hard for him to say goodbye to my Dad my Dad is the closest thing he has ever had to one, when my dad left the room he lost it and started crying. Heís a tough guy and to see him cry makes this even harder. So heís called me like 8 times since Sunday and its only Tuesday Heís been calling me at night to say goodnight and we do the same good night routine weíve been doing for years. He even called yesterday morning and this morning to see if I was o.k. and to make sure I made it to work all right today. He said that he hasnít cried since he was a little boy and that Iím the only one who has ever made him cry and Iíve seen him do quite a bit lately, I was very surprised because he has a way of shutting things off. He looks like crap heís not eating or sleeping the bags under his eyes are awful so I do know heís in a lot of pain too (GOOD!). I know its best for him to not call me anymore and Iím sure that will end soon but I donít want it to. He keeps saying that itís so quiet and so strange not having me and the dog around. I keep hoping that in time heíll come around and want me back once he seeís what its like without me but I know I have to let that go so I donít prolong the agony Iím already living with. Heís already said that he doesnít want to get back together again because its not going to work and that it will be just that much harder on us and the dog. When he called me last night he was doing dishes for the first time ever and honestly that kind of hurt because in a way thatís him starting to move on. I was doing o.k. Until this morning when I came to work then it all came flooding back to me. He still wants to be friends because he says Iím the best one heís ever had but I hurt so much. It will be hard to let someone go after all this time, especially when you still love one another.
Kay33- You're right on he's a freaking fool and is playing me for stupid and I think part of MY problem is the "I'm right" factor I know I don't really want it to turn out to be that he does want her but at the same time I think he does. I just want him to know I'm not a stupid girl and I can read between the lines. There is nothing worse than having someone think there getting away with something. I think he's being a coward about the whole thing I mean I had to drag it out of him that he wanted to break up and here he is mister tough guy and he couldn't tell me he wanted to end it? Then even after we broke it off he still says crap like Jamie I still don't know what I want. Blah, Blah,Blah. Jamie I still love you part of me will always love you. Why is he doing that to me. Our friend just thinks he's really stupid and doesn't know how to handle all of this. I was his first girlfriend and obviously he doesn't know what he's doing. Another thing that sticks in my head is that everytime I went out of town my ex would mope around and be all sad that I was gone and when I came home he would be so happy I was back and told me he missed me and one of my friends GF's said that whenever my name was mentioned you could see it in his eyes how much he loved me well I guess not enough to let that ***** in our apartment. I told him that he has my word that I will not tell his friend what his skanky ***** of a GF is doing and that's only because I don't know 100% that I'm right. My gut say's yes but its not fair to do to him (her BF) in case I'm wrong. I can't be responsible for someone elses misery mine is much to great. They are definitely going to break up its just a matter of time and you know what if he want's her then good luck someone else replied to my post and mentioned that her BF rebounded right away for this girl and that it didn't work out and that if I give them enough rope they will hang themselves with it I think that's true. My friend keeps telling me that if I give it a week and not talk to him he will probably come crawling back because he's miserable without me and stays home every night drinking and that we can't stand to be away from each other its very obvious so how could we be breaking up and he says that right now we are acting like we are together and stop talking, stop talking .Plus can my Ex possibly believe he's going to be able to stay friends with his buddy if he hooks up with his EX GF?? Why tell me that maybe down the road you would consider dating her? Is that him being honest or is that him laying the foundation for his plans? the other warped thing my ex said to me is that he would be ok if I dated this mutual friend of ours and let me just say that I have never been interested in this guy but he has loved me since the beginning its been very obvious and I've always been honest with my ex about it its never been a secret our entire group of friends knows it but its innocent because I have always been way way into my BF Oh I guess I mean EX!!.I started out as friends with him before I met my now Ex. what kind of guy would be ok with his ex GF dating one of his closest friends?? He tells me its because he knows how much he loves me and he would rather see me with a good guy like him then some A------. He told him the same thing too. I think thats messed up. Then he tells my dad that he would still like to come over and fix the roof for him ? WHAT? Do you think my dad would allow this, he was like a son he never had my dad was crushed by this too my ex worked with my Dad for about two years when he couldn't find work he even lived with us when his mom kicked him out he slept on the living room floor for about a year or so. He wouldn't be where he is today if it weren't for us and I dont mean to sound arrogant I'm really not that way but its true we opened doors for him that wouldn't have opened themselves to him. We were engaged last year at this time how does it go down the crapper that fast? ARghhhhhh! The other problem is that our friends GF is going nuts about me and him and I told him that he has to make sure his GF doesn't end up feeling like I do because I really like her and don't want her to be in my shoes and feel the way I do even if that means not talking to me for a while....Because I am NOT interested in her BF..He is a very good friend to me and has been for a long time. He told me today that he would love to go out with me but that usually these type of things get messy and he would rather keep me as a friend and not risk it.. Messy is a good word to describe my life right now and when this is all over I will be stronger then ever. No one will ever get to me like I let my EX. I know a lot better today than I did just a few weeks ago what I need from someone and what I'm capable of giving so next time around I will not put all my eggs in one basket for any guy and as someone once told me to keep one foot out the door I think she meant not to invest everything you have in any guy until you know he's the one. Well this is the strong side of me my friends I don't know if she will be around tomorrow but that's o.k she'll be back soon enough. Thanks for being here for me, I will keep checking in as things develop. I know he isn't ready to leave me alone quite yet.

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