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Relationship Health Message Board


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OMG Bliss u are me!!!

I do all the talking too. And I see my bf twice a week and we talk every day...plus also he does the i love u thingy too....hehehe

I love him too and i have asked him about it and he says sometimes cause we talk so much he has said all thats new and sometimes we are just so comfortable we dont have to talk to enjoy eachothers company.....so i have come to accept that he isnt tooo verbal he is a guy and he isnt a talker but I am....so its nice when u think about it that he does call to say goodnight or I love U.....so to me now that is pretty darn sweet. So what if guys hate phone convos.....the phone isnt the relationship....many people hate phone calls and my man does too.....just keep the convo going and if its getting boring then say "ok hun well i will let u go have a great night talk to u tomorrow" dont make it alot of work for youself.....he loves you and more than likely hes just being a guy, hates talkign on the phone and is probably watchin tv at the same time...hehehehe
Bliss...i was your boyfriend though I am female. How long have you been w/this guy?

I know it took me a long time to open up to my b/f. He would tell me all sorts of things and I'd just listen and make a small comment here or there. But I never had much to say. Now 16months later I'm the one with EVERYTHING to say and he doesnt say as much.

I know he cant stand talking on the phone. So when we do talk on the phone it's brief. So if you are fresh to this relationship my guess is he just hasnt learned how to open up.

I use to bottle it all up. I didnt share a thing. I acted like nothing bothered me and that I didnt care about anything either. I'd tell him that too. That I dont let this or that bother me cuz its not worth it. And now I panic when I dont get to see him or talk to him. Yeah Im attached but I let him have his fun, and i know he doesnt like talking over the phone for long!

He'll get use to it, and open up more. and you will too...just give him time if you havent been dating for long! ~Dream~
[QUOTE=sugarpye]OMG Bliss u are me!!!

I do all the talking too. And I see my bf twice a week and we talk every day...plus also he does the i love u thingy too....hehehe

I love him too and i have asked him about it and he says sometimes cause we talk so much he has said all thats new and sometimes we are just so comfortable we dont have to talk to enjoy eachothers company.....so i have come to accept that he isnt tooo verbal he is a guy and he isnt a talker but I am....so its nice when u think about it that he does call to say goodnight or I love U.....so to me now that is pretty darn sweet. So what if guys hate phone convos.....the phone isnt the relationship....many people hate phone calls and my man does too.....just keep the convo going and if its getting boring then say "ok hun well i will let u go have a great night talk to u tomorrow" dont make it alot of work for youself.....he loves you and more than likely hes just being a guy, hates talkign on the phone and is probably watchin tv at the same time...hehehehe[/QUOTE]

Yeah I'm not sure what the "I love you" thing is about..like it's nice to hear of course, but every 2 minutes its like...I love you too, but do you just not know what else to say? Or do you just want to hear it back? Are you scared of losing me? WHAT? Yeah I'm a worrywart and maybe overreacting a tad but it does bother me that our conversations aren't the best...because having a good conversation with someone is important to me. It's true though that I am lucky to have someone that cares to call me often and tell me how he feels about me. :)

[quote]Men don't like to open up too much. They like to keep some stuff private. Us women, we love to share. This is because we feel that telling everything means that we trust our man and want him to know all about us. Men, on the opposite side, feel that when they are talking about their life it means that they are seeking approval from us. You might want to read "Women are from venus, men are from mars". Not all the book is 100 proven, but in the first chapters, you will understand a lot of things about the way a man thinks.[/quote]

Maybe I'm trying to seek approval as well by sharing. But it's nice to know that he still loves me despite knowing all my flaws and whatnot. But I'd love to give that back and it bothers me that he won't let me. I've attributed it to him just being male but I don't think we should let them off that easy...sometimes I feel like it's an excuse. But I also know you can't change other people...I guess i need to accept that he's not like me.
[QUOTE=Dream0n83]Bliss...i was your boyfriend though I am female. How long have you been w/this guy?

I know it took me a long time to open up to my b/f. He would tell me all sorts of things and I'd just listen and make a small comment here or there. But I never had much to say. Now 16months later I'm the one with EVERYTHING to say and he doesnt say as much.

I know he cant stand talking on the phone. So when we do talk on the phone it's brief. So if you are fresh to this relationship my guess is he just hasnt learned how to open up.

I use to bottle it all up. I didnt share a thing. I acted like nothing bothered me and that I didnt care about anything either. I'd tell him that too. That I dont let this or that bother me cuz its not worth it. And now I panic when I dont get to see him or talk to him. Yeah Im attached but I let him have his fun, and i know he doesnt like talking over the phone for long!

He'll get use to it, and open up more. and you will too...just give him time if you havent been dating for long! ~Dream~[/QUOTE]


I've been with him for a little over a year...but I still feel like we're in the "getting to know you" stage. That's not so bad though. Some days I just feel like "TALK TO ME PLEASE!!!!"

Actually I bought him a journal a few months ago because I know you have to let things out SOMEHOW. I've spent a lot of my life holding things in and I was really depressed. So I do understand where he's coming from. I'm still giving him time. I give him lots of space as well...I'm afraid of smothering him.
Generalities can be dangerous. But it is undeniable that generalities also have a root of truth.

I am going to offer a point of view that focuses on the generality that says girls and guys are fundamentally different in any number of ways. In the little opportunity you have had to describe your situation, it sounds to me as though you are treating communication with your bf as you would with a gf. He is a guy and will never be the equivalent of a girl in verbal communication.

I don't think guys consciously deny themselves the opportunity to "open up" or talk. They do not think about it in a way that they make a premeditated decision not to do it. Many guys just are not wired to think about "opening up" in the way a girls does. Trying to think about reasons for a guy not communicating using the rules that might apply to a girl is like trying to figure out why a solid won't act like a liquid. There’s nothing to think about, once you accept they are fundamentally different.

Some guys will talk a lot, but the stereotype (generality) about guys not communicating like women is founded in reality. And the reason they don’t often has nothing to do with consciously wanting to guard their emotions or “keep things inside”. It is just the fundamental way guys are wired to think, or perhaps not think.

If you need someone to be verbal with, you might want to lean more on a girlfriend. It is almost a certainty he will never approach verbal communication with you in the way you are wanting. The details of your day are things you recall and wish to share. He may be wired to not even pay attention to the details.

Guys are wired differently than girls. The operating manual for one has no relationship to the operating manual for the other. It is simply the nature of the beast...generally speaking.





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