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This is a very long post, so kick your heels up and get food and drink before reading this :). Here's my story:

I have been dating "Joe" for about a year and four months, and while he can be very very sweet at times, he has a flaw that is quite a big turn-off: he is controlling. Now, I know he could be far worse, but it was when he began to truly show his colors that my feelings began to fade. He insists on following me everywhere I go, including into my doctor's office during an appointment and into a dressing room when I was with my mom shopping (she asked him if he wanted to come with us). In the summer he used to make me stay on the phone with him for 2 hours in the afternoon, and 2 hours at night; if 2 hours did not elapse, he would throw a fit and keep me on longer.

He is also rather jealous...he fears I will cheat on him the second he leaves me alone, which is why he follows me everywhere I go. Once when I wanted to spend a day with my cousin and my aunt, to have a girls' day out, he insisted on going; note that my aunt was paying for everything and did not invite Joe. I got him off my back about it, but he was upset when I had to call him later that evening. Also, when I wanted to hang out with my cousin one day (she only comes home from college a couple of times a year), he got bent out of shape that he couldn't go, and told me that I need to spend all my free time with him and none with my family.

Recently, he was accepted at a technical college, which I thought was awesome because I know his grades are not dazzling. But he decided he wants to give up the opportunity to attend college to live in an apartment in the same city where I will be attending college. He says it's because he loves me and wants to be near me, but I know better; he wants to make sure I don't meet any guys. His first intention was to rent an off-campus apartment, and make me live there and get a part-time job while being a full-time student to help pay for rent. I refused, so he said he'd pay all the rent, but then I told him apartments are in no way cheap. So then he said he'd live in the dorm with me, but trying to tell him I'd have a roommate was pointless, as was telling him he could be arrested for trespassing if he entered a dorm without permission.

I plan on going to an art institute, and one of the classes I take first is life drawing, which I anticipate. Not because I yearn to see naked strangers, but so I can learn how to properly draw a human body. Of course, Joe became very upset about this and told me either to not attend college or skip that class because "if I see other men naked, I will fall in love with them".

One huge issue is that Joe keeps trying to change my mind about having kids with him; it seems as if he wants them onyl for appearance's sake. I have my reasons, but I do not like children. I have no patience with them, and I do NOT want to bring a child into this world if I have no intention of caring for it; I do not want it to be neglected. But he keeps trying to convince me that I need to bear his children, and when I say "NO!", he gets teary-eyed. I don't like seeing him upset, but I'm not going to make a sacrifice like that just for him. I know he would not do something that big for me.

Perhaps I am overreacting, because I know Joe can be very warm and loving, and I know he would do anything for me; maybe I am mistaking deep love for possessiveness. But I seriously feel as if I am on a short leash with him. Even one of his good friends said he could become a woman beater if he does not learn to lighten up.


But alas there is more. My mom has forbidden me from making any contact with Joe until after college, which is fine with me because I am enjoying my free time. Quite the eventful relationship, aye? :rolleyes: She did this because we have gotten in trouble in school for 'public display of affections' numerous times, and I have just recently served 3 days of in-school suspension because of it, and because she sees he is controlling.

Well, within the past month, thinking about Joe's attitude, I have taken a turn for the worst, emotionally speaking. I have come to realize that I have feelings for another guy, and not just any guy, but Joe's best friend. "Corey" and I talk often on the internet, but I never see him in person. I usually talk to him about my relationship problems, and he's always willing to listen and to help. I seriously believe he and I have far more in common that Joe and I do. I feel like Corey truly understands me, whereas Joe cannot.

Now I'm not too able to recognize passes, but Corey has told me some things that make me question his feelings toward me...he once told me that "had I come to him instead of Joe, he would have given me equal, if not more love". Now this is not a basis of judgment, and this is not what got me attached to Corey; I did the attaching all by my little ol' self. I know Corey just went through a rather painful break-up, but he remains in good spirits. And this mkes me more jumpy than ever, knowing he is single. But I have yet to reveal my feelings for him; I have only told my cousin about all of what I have said in this entire post. I find my feelings for Corey becoming stronger and stronger, and my feelings for Joe getting weaker and weaker.

I think Joe may be sensing that I am drifting from him, because he is trying to convince me to sleep with him, when I don't want to (I have not slept with him, or anyone yet). You may laugh or ridicule me if you wish, but I do not want to risk becoming pregnant by having sex; I know there is protection available, but nothing but abstinance is 100% effective. He does not think sex is a big deal, but I do because I am a virgin, and I fear pregnancy far too much.


I have brought this up to numerous people, including my cousin, and most of them say to leave Joe and to tell Corey how I feel. And I have contemplated a break-up with Joe many times, but the reason why I remain with him is this: I am too afraid of hurting him. I know I no longer love him, but I still care enough about him to not want to make him unhappy. My plan was to make him happy for as long as I could, and if ever he hurt me in any way, I'd leave. But I cannot see him for the next three years, I do not like his attitude, and my heart throbs for Corey.

I know I am probably hurting him by leading him on, because Joe already talks about marriage, children, where to live, etc. I feel quite pressured, but I feel as if leading him on will hurt less than breaking it off. But I am so confused; I am to set up an appointment with my high school guidance counselor for me and Joe to talk about this stuff, but I do not know when that will happen.

I feel horrible leading Joe on like this and secretly yearning for Corey, who I am quite confident does not care for me as I care for him, so I'm really in a no-win situation. No matter what I do, I'm going to lose.


What would you guys say? What should I do about Joe? How can I forget these feelings for Corey and learn to love Joe once more?

Any, and I mean ANY help on this issue would be appreciated beyond comprehension, because I am desperate for a cure for my heartache.

And if it helps, Joe and I are both high school seniors.


Dark Stranger - feels as if her heart is being ripped to shreds

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