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Thankyou SO much for all the helpful replies. I almost cried (for about the 50th time today) when I read through them.

I must update you all on the situation. You will remember that I said earlier that Chris is a gentle, committed soul at heart, and his actions have been very out of character for him. It would be easy for me to label him a player, ******* etc. but the reality is that he isn’t. Rather than being over-confident and cruel, he is more of the spineless, weak type. Easily manipulated by those around him (ie. His mum and HER). However, he now believes that I controlled him too much in the relationship.
Yesterday, I agreed to let him come over to talk things through a little – I figured we had to find some sort of middle-ground since we have to be working together. I let him do most of the talking…I wanted to blast him and kick him in the nuts, but I controlled myself. And this is what he told me.

He said that his relationship with me was too passionate and intense. He said that while he was absolutely besotted with me and craved me sexually, he felt insecure and couldn’t ‘handle’ me. He felt that he ‘changed’ when he was with me, and didn’t like the person he was becoming. He felt he couldn’t say no to me, and that whether intentional or not, I was ‘controlling’ him and drawing him away from his mother. Needless to say, he decided what he wanted in life is not a passionate relationship, but one of convenience and stability. Almost as if he plans to have relationships with his head instead of his heart. Is this smart? Perhaps I will reach 26 and feel the same way.

He said lots of rather depressing things about how realistically, he doubts anyone still loves their partner years into marriage, and he would rather have someone predictable and stable rather than the intense need he felt for me. Perhaps I’m too young and naïve to believe that yet. Is it better to have the full passion and intensity of a relationship, along with all its hurts, or in the long-run are we better off with a predictable companionship? From his suggestions, there is no ‘spark’ between himself and Caroline, its more a relationship of convenience and comfort. Stable. No surprises. I suppose I have no right to judge that as bad or good. I don’t know what to think now.

I’m terrified that he’ll very soon get engaged to her and have kids with her. He is a family-man, and I always had dreams of having a family with him – when the time came. But being 6 years his junior, we both knew that was a while in coming. Caroline has been single and desperate for many, many years, and is probably eager to get the kids popping asap, to prove a point to the world. That truly would mean I’ve lost chris forever.

As you can probably tell by now, I’m still VERY confused about Chris. I hate what he’s done, I’m so hurt, but the worst thing is, I’m still in love with him. I find myself unwillingly thinking about him ALL the time, the times we had, the things that could happen in the future. I feel like an idiot but its so hard to just discard him from my mind. He’s all I’ve known for so long, and to continue seeing him at work is hell. Like being forced to see what I can’t touch. So ironic how for our entire relationship and years before, he was the one chasing me. And now, its me that’s alone, wanting him. Its almost as if the person I went out with is now dead, and he’s a different person. I miss that old person SO much it makes my chest hurt :(

Another thing I'm not sure of - I don't think Chris knows the truth about Caroline. That I was confiding in her, and she was saying things like "you don't need him" and "get over him, he's a hopeless boyfriend anyway", only to be telling him to dump me behind my back. She used to make rash, unnecessary jokes about her and him getting together all through our relationship, but I never believed her to be so cold and two-faced. Or him to finally just settle for her after so obviously not wanting her before us. Should I try to tell him the truth? I have no doubt she's lied about things [i]I've[/i] said. I feel like the truth should be known, but I might just be seen as petty and jealous if I try to make him see what really happened... :( Should I just leave it? He probably wouldn't believe me anyway, with her in his ear.

Sophia – for a long time I thought the same about his mum, that she’d just hate ANYONE who went near her son. Unfortunately, she seems very happy with Caroline, mainly because she’s older, less threatening (she HATED the fact that I was more attractive than she would have liked…weird) and most of all, [I]because she’s not me[/I]. I think she’s a bit racist too (I’m part Asian/Mediterranean, Caroline is full Aussie) Simple as that :mad: She’ll give them much less of a hard time than she gave me.

Desertdweller – I’m hoping you’re right about it being irrelevant who the woman is. That means it won’t work out for them in the long run. I still partly believe that he would still be sleeping with me if he hadn’t moved to her.

Katte and stormgirl – similar situations. Its so hard isn’t it? Thankyou for you’re kind words. And yes, I am Aussie.

Emma – same length relationship as me, even same name as me :) I truly hope you’re breakup goes better than mine. Yes, the sex thing is VERY hard, I’m having serious withdrawl, our relationship was very sexual and I miss it :( Its difficult, but try to be strong enough to resist, because it NEVER does any good. Good luck, write soon.

Anyway, you’re opinions again are appreciated! Especially about what HE said, do you think he’s right, or a nutter? God, my mind is going crazy, I feel like I’m heading for a break-down. Thankyou all for being so patient with me, its more help than you know.

Tyger.





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