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Hi there Emma, its me, Emma from the other thread…

Reading through you’re post hit very close to home. We’re in [I]very[/I] similar positions, so I feel for you. I am turning 21 in 5 months, and I’ve just broken up with my boyfriend of 2 ½ years. Like you, he was the one I thought I was destined to marry, to devote the rest of my life to, to have his kids, and he seemed a safe bet as he was so besotted by me and completely in love. Yet less than 2 weeks after dumping me (we kept sleeping together which was a mistake) he has moved on with another woman…one of our mutual friends. This is someone he had rejected many times in the past…but it seems he was just so eager to move on with his life that he settled for her. I don’t feel replaced (read my other thread you’ll see why) but I [I]do[/I] feel very lonely.

I know how scary it is that just a month ago you’re boyfriend was treating you like a princess and completely in love with you. It was the same with mine. I never ever doubted that his love for me was strong and passionate, he couldn’t bear the thought of life without me, he would write me the most adorable sms’s and make love to me in the most romantic way, telling me he’d do anything for me. I always felt like the one in control. Then, almost within a few weeks, he had a complete turn-around and couldn’t handle his family pressures or our relationship any more, and its like he successfully convinced himself to NOT love me. He cried when he finally broke up with me, but then we kept sleeping together for weeks after. He still seemed to have strong feelings then. But then he went away for just a week, and when he came back I knew something had changed. It was so scary looking into his face on that final day and seeing it vacant. Its like the person I loved had died.

I’m afraid my honest opinion is that things with this guy you are with are likely to end soon. And perhaps if they don’t, you should give some serious thought to ending it yourself, even. I know you would do [I]anything[/I] to make it work with this guy. But I made myself believe the same thing, and all that happened was it dragged on longer till the break-up was even more painful and messy than it could have been. If you look at him and see that he is different to what he used to be, and isn’t treating you right, then it is likely that you’re just in love with the PAST image of him and you’re trying to hang on in a desperate attempt to get that person back. I believed the same…it wasn’t true. He is different now, has made up his mind, and by trying to make him stay I only made it harder for myself when he finally left. PLEASE try not to keep sleeping with him if you DO break up. I thought I was invincible, and just wanted sex, but the truth is what everyone says…somewhere inside you, it’s a desperate attempt to make him come back, to have things back the way they were. Then when the sex stops, its almost like going through the break-up ALL OVER AGAIN. I wouldn’t want you to go through what I’ve been through these past weeks. Its hell.

I’m probably not the best person to judge anything right now though…but what I will share with you is how I’ve been dealing, it seems similar to you!
I’ve hardly been eating at all. I lost 4 kilos in the first 2 weeks, and haven’t gone a day without crying yet. The worst part is all the things that will remind you of him – I spent SO much time with this guy that almost [I]everything[/I], songs, movies, our work, even food, reminds me of him. My situation is worse in that I have to work with him too, and we both do karate so I have to train under him. You won’t have these problems. One of the first things I did was take down all the photos and memories of him from my room, and store them in a box out of sight. It ended up being my entire room, almost. Later, when I’m over him, I’ll look into that box again. I also rearranged the furniture in my room so I’m not reminded of nights with him, and have tried to take up new hobbies to fill the void and get a new ‘routine’. That’s one of the hardest things. It feels like you’re normal life has been ripped from under you and you have to start afresh, alone and sad.

Anyway I’ve blabbed on for ages, but I’ll definitely write back soon…pls let me know how you’re going, and whats happening. Its good to have someone I can talk to too.


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