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Relationship Health Message Board

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Your situation sounds a lot like mine a few years ago. My boyfriend and I met in undergrad, though he is two years younger then me. After I graduated, I got a teaching job and lived with my parents for two years while he finished school. I saved up a lot of money, paid off a brand new car, and had time to deal with the stress of a new career while still seeing my guy on the weekends (we were 30 minutes apart).

After he graduated in May 2003, he chose a graduate school in another state and we both moved there together. I was a little worried about leaving my family and friends, but I wasn't happy with the school district I was in and was ready to find a new job and live in my own place since I was 23.

I had heard that living together can be tough in the first few months, and was wondering what quirks of his would drive me nuts. However, it was an absolute breeze for us. We've now been living together for a year and a half and have been dating over five years, and absolutely LOVE living together. Every day I look forward to coming home to spend time with him. Every weekend I cherish spending a night at home with him or out with our friends. While there are some small things that drive us both crazy about each other (ie. there is an empty can of soup sitting in the sink that has been there for four days....I'm waiting to see how long it will take him to actually throw it away!!!!!), this has given me a chance to see him at his best, worst, laziest, and busiest......and it turns out he's just the man I always thought he was!

He is graduating with his masters in May (and so am I, now in my 4th year teaching!) and we are starting to look at moving to a nicer place (probably a townhouse or cheap condo) for the next few years. We aren't engaged yet, but I'm hoping he will come to his senses when he gets a job over the summer and we will get married in a few years. This is something we have discussed and are on the same page about, which I think is important.

Anyway, I'm telling you this to calm your fears and assure you that following your heart is a GOOD thing. My parents weren't thrilled about me leaving OR about us moving in together, but even they smile when they visit and assure me that they are happy that we are doing so well together. If your instinct tells you that it's a good idea, your instinct is probably know your relationship better then anyone else. However, I agree that you want to be financially stable before moving out. Living on your own is MUCH more expensive then I anticipated.....there's rent, car insurance, utility bills, cable bills, general car expenses, gas money (I work an hour from here), groceries, plus all the extras you don't think of like dish detergent, sponges, soap, TP, etc. Thankfully, my job (and his meager graduate stipend) are enough to do this very comfortably, AND pay for grad school, AND save some for a place. If you have a job, you can do this.

Best wishes....let us know how things turn out!


p.s. Oooooh.....personally, we plan to wait until we are married to buy a house, since there are so many logistics that go along with this. PLUS, that gives us something exciting to look forward to, in addition to being married!

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