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Relationship Health Message Board

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hi I was in a similar circumstance. Let me tell you what happened. We dated for about a year and got married kinda rushed. I was really young (only 18). Everyone told me it was the right thing to do. So I believed it was. After our marriage things where not what I had expected. Our lives weren't exciting. and we where in a constant routine. I guess you could say it was boring. I was always really close to my husbands best friend we worked together. We could talk for hours and laugh and have the best time. I have to admit I felt a better connection with him than my husband. This went on for years (just being friends but being confused if my marriage was a mistake). Then after we where married for 3 years we had a baby girl. I was so confused as to my feelings I felt like I cared about my husband but the magic was gone and i was just exsisting. Then a year and a half later we had a son. That is kind of when I really felt things weren't right. I was depressed because I was stuck at home with my 2 kids and felt like I had no life. I tried to discuss this with my husband but he shrugged it off and said i would be fine. Well at this point I hadn't worked with his friend for about 3 years. well all of a sudden we started talking again. I guess because one day he called for my husband and my husband was working, I was lonely and we started talking. Pretty soon we where talking on the computer all the time. He made me feel special and beautiful again I felt excitement. Well one thing led to another and we had an affair. I felt so horrible and depressed that I had done this to my husband. My husband is a good guy he supported us he loved our children and was a wonderful dad. I really took a step back and had to examine my life. I had some journals that I had kept from the past and read them. This made me realize that the feelings I was now having for his friend where the same as I had in the past for him. Then the thought of leaving my husband and being with his friend weren't so appealing. I imagined getting married to his friend and being bored again. I have a lot of issues with that since my mother had been married 7 different times. I couldn't do it my husband is a good man would I miss him ?? So I ended up telling my husband about the affair. It was so hard he fell to the groung and cried he begged me not to leave him and to be a family with him. I felt like a selfish B*tch. Well right now we have been married for 8 years and I am so happy finally. I will never question my love for my husband. I guess I needed to realize the comitment that I made to him and examine what that meant to me! as for his friend we dont talk and neither do they. I feel sad that we had to lose a good friend and I wish I could have changed the past and he could still be our friend. Just don't make any quick decisions. really think about your feelings and like you said if the grass will really be greener on the other side. There is no right or wrong answer. only you can decide. I read one of your other posts and in it you are engaged and you say that you love him. Think about your true feelings. and make a careful decision. Let me tell you I made a mistake that will follow me the rest of my life. I wish I had thought it out more carefully. I wish you the best!!

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