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Hi everyone,

A few of you have been following my story from my last thread 'A terrible breakup story...'. I've learnt so much since this breakup, and am still in the thick of the painful recovery process, but so many people have helped me on these boards, that I thought I'd bring up a big issue of our breakup thats been plaguing me, and see what some of your thoughts are. I'm having a really hard time with this :(

My ex told me that the main reason he broke up with me is because he didn't like how we interacted with one another. He felt that he was too vulnerable and besotted when he was around me, and that the relationship felt too intense - too much of an emotional rollarcoaster ride. He told me he wants stability and predictability in a relationship which he has found with his new partner Caroline (our once mutual friend who he rejected many times in the past). His opinion of passion and romance are that in truth, nothing last forever, and that a relationship based on 'spark' and 'fireworks' is one that will never work. He said it doesn't matter to him if the passion is less, as long as there is stability and strength in his partnership with someone. That is his main priority. He said the 'romance' he once believed in is just an illusion, and that in reality, you just have to find someone your happy to live with so when the feelings go, the relationship can stay together.

In an effort to get over our failed relationship, I've been telling myself that he will never again feel the intense passion he did with me, and that his new relationship must be bland and boring. I was hoping at first that it was a rebound, as all the circumstances pointed to that, but apparently not. Honestly, I can't see them [i]ever[/i] breaking up, for the simple fact that nothing of consequence will ever happen to rock the boat. I've deluded myself that he will never have anyone he wanted as much as me, and now he's settled for second best. Some of you shared this opinion in my other thread.

But my worry is...what if I'm wrong? Perhaps he was just infatuated with me for 2.5 years...what if that never really was love? Perhaps he's happier in this new, stable relationship than he was with me, and I'm just deluding myself and trying to make myself seem like the better person. In reality, maybe I'm just the loser that was ditched for something better :( To think that really hurts. I was so sure our love could never be replicated with anyone new. He would always say "I'll always love you, forever, you are my first true love". He couldn't get enough of me, and couldn't keep his hands off me. Now, it seems, he's writing me off as an infatuation. For 2.5 years. Maybe I just need to accept that he found someone more suited to him, and I mucked things up completely. I feel like I'm just deluding myself by trying to convince myself that he's worse off without me and that his new relationship will be a failure, or in any case, a drag. I've always told myself that he is heading into a safe, comfortable relationship without passion, so later down the line when he's married to her, he'll become restless and long for more. Yet he's so hell-bent on being the dutiful husband. So maybe, in reality, he's better off without me. His scope was always limited, he wanted to be a family-man and not venture far from his suburb. Perhaps I need to see that there's nothing wrong with that. Yet going for his long time friend...that seems a bit pathetic, doesn't it?

Let me know your thoughts on the topic...do men that fall into comfortable, easy relationships often end up restless and unsatisfied? Will he [i]ever[/i] look back on us and feel sadness, or longing? I think I've been trying to [b]make[/b] him miss me when in reality, he doesn't. Its so hard to believe tha he got over us so fast. I was so much to him for so long, it was so clear...is it possible he just moved on that quickly? Or are guys just exceptionally good at hiding their feelings, and will it come back to haunt him down the track?

I could go on forever but I should stop now. Let me know your thoughts.

Tyger.





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