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[QUOTE=heartlandguy]Goody, I really need your friendship and trust now. Your last post was what I expected because it was consistent with what you have told YBF. :) For the time being, I canít reply to that post because long suppressed feelings have reemerged. I must deal with those feelings before I can return to being my normal, logical, anal-retentive self. :)[/QUOTE] Heartland.....my friendship is forever, I hope you know that. And since I consider you as my newest best friend, of course I will treat you as so. Did you expect anything less???? And if you need time to deal with feelings, I understand....and I suspect it will be short-lived my moody friend ;)

[B]Please realize that I have a lot of pain associated with my situation. I discussed our last posts a bit with my wife this morning but quickly realized that I had to stop. In recent years, I have internalized much of my pain and frustration because sharing it with her brings her down needlessly. She is my rock and I must keep her solid for the both of us. As I told you on your marriage thread, you canít tell your SO everything without risking your relationship so sometimes you must dump on your best friendÖ or implode.[/B] I am ready for any implosions, however, I do not want anything here to cause any further stress on the homefront. It is important that you promise me that you do not allow anything here to have any negative impact on Mrs. Heartland....I am hoping that my letter will assist in doing that.

[B]I think I can convey my fears and frustrations best by relating my situation to things we know from this board. I am so much like Nini; that is why I can feel her pain so strongly. {{{Please try and think about the many parallels that she and I share in not finding what we are looking for. That is your homework assignment for this weekend. ;) }}} Also, I can relate much of my reluctance for change to your experiences with leaving your fiancť. I plan to write about these analogies later, when I can think clearly again. Emotions and time restraints may prevent me from doing that this weekend[/B] I have already sensed the parallels between you and Nini....your fears and lack of confidence are what have you stuck. I did my homework ;) That is why I am going to take control of our journey resuming it on the yellowbrick road...remember when your anal-retentiveness corrected me when I referred to you as Dorothy's Lion??? :jester: Well....there was a reason for that, Heartland, as there is to everything here...it's time for you to change "hats", as you say, and grab hold of Dorothy's hand so that we can find you that courage that you so need. :bouncing:

[QUOTE=heartland]Goody, if I try to relate to you by referencing your fiancť, Iím sure Iíll bring up painful memories for you. If you donít trust that I am trying to communicate my feelings in the best way I know how, you may think I am angry with you and am lashing out. Iíd rather say nothing than make you feel that way. Do you understand what Iím saying? Do you want me to continue?[/QUOTE] As I already said...I am okay with this. I intend to help you out in anyway I can even if it means I have to go through pain. That's what friends do for one another.

I see MBF playing a major role in our journey....she will probably be the "good witch" who appears when you most need guidance. Much has occurred to show me that this journey may be the next miracle that Goody will see. My spiritual connection tells me that you needed me to take your hand once again because you are afraid. And so I have.

I want to make sure that you read MBF's post on the previous page. I am certain you have. I normally wouldn't have posted until I had heard from you but sensed a need in you for encouragement in order to get you back on this journey. I will be lurking tonite in case you need me....and will not post any further until you do, thus respecting the space & time you may need. Until then know that you are in my prayers......Dorothy ;) (She's back)





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