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Relationship Health Message Board

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[QUOTE=heartland]As my last post said, I am still planning to pursue public speaking because many other aspects of my life complement it. Let me clarify my professional background just a bit, it involves one of the physical sciences and a wide variety of computer experience. I better not get more specific here in the public domain. I think I have a pretty good handle on how they relate to idealism, perfectionism and passion. You have been very helpful pointing out possibilities outside of my formal training. At this point, I think I will probably choose something close to my professional background because it represents a lifetime of knowledge while public speaking lets me express their current and future value to humanity.[/QUOTE] You are progressing well, my friend. in such a little time I think it would be fair to say that you have accomplished more in this past week in regard to Job One than you have in months passed. Am I right???? That in itself is a great evaluation gauge for the week.

[B]I am quite confident that I will overcome my fears of growth because of my Tuesday sign. I pray a rosary when I exercise (killing two birds…) but rarely think about the words I mumble. As I mumble, I process my thoughts of the day and sometimes receive inspiration in return. Tuesday I realized how all Relationship Board threads involve the originator and an obstacle to someone’s happiness; hence, much of the advice applies to any relationship post. I feel this means that I must live up to all of the relationship advice I have previously posted when considering my career change, else I am a hypocrite. Wow, think of how much we say here: Age __ isn’t too old…, don’t settle…, you need self-love before…, take baby steps…, you’ll know it’s “the one” when…, you deserve happiness…, you must be open before…, yadda, yadda, yadda[/B]. You are forgetting the most beautiful thing about this board....nobody is here to place judgement and you can be yourself and still know that there are people who will lovingly give you a kick in the butt if you so need ;) So R-E-L-A-X my friend (see how quickly our roles reversed ) and take the pressure off of having to follow your own advice. As they is far easier to give advice than to take it.

[QUOTE=heartland]Wow! That’s a lot to live up to but at least I [u]know[/u] what others would tell me if I ask about any of those topics. So I feel if I let myself down, I let everyone down. No pressure now. Self-love is probably most surprising to me. Self-love for love doesn’t seem to automatically translate into self-love for career. Maybe it’s the confidence factor. It’s probably hard to remember not having applicable self-love after you got what you want but if you lose what you wanted and got, then that confidence must fade with it. Goody, did you ever question your self-love when you were at your darkest hour?[/QUOTE] Funny you should ask my friend :D I think when I was in my darkest hour my self love was at a low point as well. You see...I learned since, that like my marriage, love of self is something that needs to be cared for and tended to like my garden. As my self love increased so did my overall confidence and thus my ability to stand strong and make the necessary repairs within my marriage. Alot of my changes came from within....ever since I was a little girl when anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I immediately said "a mommy". As high school approached and career choices needed to be made I fell back on the nurturing and helping people role growing deep within me thus choosing my career. And when health problems set in they affected my career choice but did allow me the opportunity to do what was my very first career choice, to be a mother. But a part of me always felt guilty.....I was lucky to have a husband who could provide for us adequately and our income has been supplemented with compensation from my back, however, part of my growth came from filling that void in my life that I missed and as I did so I was able to slowly rebuild my self love, confidence and make the changes necessary within myself in order to improve my marriage and overall relationship with Tom.

And so it may be your turn to do so in a reversed fashion. And I know that, like me, you will be able to do so because you hold the same tools with in yourself in order to succeed. Just needs a little fertilizing and tending to is all. It's amazing how things turn around and come full circle in our lives. And amazing how we can run into people who make it easier to do so. Which brings me to something I promised not so long ago to address at a later point.

You asked me[B]...."Goody, I am fascinated with intense friendships. I’ve experienced four including yours but only yours involves someone I’ve never met and has a strong supernatural aspect to it. Please tell me what you can about the similarities and differences in the friendships you share with your best friend and me."[/B]

When my best friend moved I really thought our friendship would weaken as others had in my past. However, we shared a faith that has overcome the boundaries of physical distance between us. Over the years, we have spoken by phone on a fairly regular basis but not on any given schedule. Sometimes it would be months that we'd speak and yet we seemed to be able to just pick up where things left off. As you already know our marriages seemed to counterbalance each other....she has the romance I had the security. And so when we encountered problems we were able to be there and talk about them without feeling the other would judge. And of course there were many times that were much more than coincidences where we were prompted to call one another at the exact moment we needed the support of the other.

One particular time was a few years back when I developed a cough that just wouldn't go away. I got it in November and by Christmas after going to many doctors nothing identified the problem. Twice I was taken by ambulance to the ER feeling as if I couldn't breathe. My doctors were ignoring me and making me feel as if I was having panic attacks and I knew they were wrong. This went on for what seemed like forever....and when I was at my all time lowest of low and very worried my friend called at that precise moment saying that something told her to call in the middle of her work schedule to see what was the matter. Her first words to me were "please tell me what's going on." I burst into tears and told her. She calmed me down and told me that she would talk to one of the pulmonologists she worked with. Minutes later she called and told me to go back to my doctor and insist on a test for whooping cough. I did, and sure enough it came back positive. I ended up sick until April having gotten Mono as well for my second time in my life....but I was okay because I knew what I was up against. Anyway.....that is the metaphyscial thing that I share with my friend and it is the same here with you when you pop up with suggestions and advice before I even request it....and like with her I have found that I can trust you and pick up where we last left off.....difficult to explain but something you just know.

Well.....I kept my promise and hope this post irons out all the questions and encourages you to do what you feel inside of yourself needs to be done.

Today is the day I will check in with my friend. We got lots of snow here about 7-8 inches. Tom groomed a pathway for an evening ride on the snowmobile. He promises to take it easy and we are fortunate enough to have a nature trail right across the street from us that is beautiful to ride through especially on a moonlit, starry, clear winter's night. A little wine and light cheese and crackers beforehand with hot chocolate after whould set the stage for a nice evening. And you'll be off on one of your roadtrips singing away with your friends. I'd say that were each in for a great weekend and deserve to chill out.

Forever on the same stumbling, bumbling, rumbling road......Goody :wave:

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