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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Eureka, Goody! I hadn’t truly come full circle until the middle of last night. Until then, I never really understood how our special bond would help me. As it happens so often for those who believe in God, the answer came in a dream. I saw your post last night before you even had a chance to fix the problem with the quote. ;) The post mirrored my thoughts about you. Each time I read it, I became emotional. As Hitch would note, I missed 90% of the feelings you put into it (no body language or tone of voice) but if you had half as much difficulty writing it as I did writing the passage you quoted, then you too must wonder why God would want us to feel such emotion. My dream answered all this.

The answer lies in focusing on the basis of our special bond. It is based on one concept, a concept you mentioned in your post – trust. We completely and utterly trust each other. We both know that we deeply respect each other’s marriage and family because we know how precious they are to both of us. There is absolutely no doubt about this. I think many relationships don’t share the level of trust we have in each other. Indeed, it is special.

Just as Nini doesn’t see her full potential although everyone else can, I never really understood until after the dream that I possess a very important leadership skill. By trying to understand your trust in me, I finally realized that the type of clients I will enjoy serving in a new career will find me easy to trust, just like you did. Last year during your darkest hour, you hardly knew me at all. Have you ever thought about why you were able to trust me so quickly and easily? Goody, I now know that we share two traits that allow many people to give us their trust without us earning it first. First, we care a lot about other people. Second, we know how to love ourselves. When people perceive those two qualities together, they sense no ulterior motives for the care we provide and they take us at face value.

We’ve both told many people here that a good relationship is based on partners that love themselves first. Apparently, that is just the tip of the iceberg. I think love of self allows us to reveal our “weaknesses” judiciously so they actually become endearing strengths. I think there is much more to learn about love of self before we can fully enjoy its benefits.

So, Goody, during my last week as a regular poster, God completely revealed your special gift for me. Thank you so much. :) I’ve waited 56 years before getting the keys to that talent, so Nini, never give up hope!!! :nono:

Oh yes, about my problem with my emotions… I’ve felt guilty about them because I didn’t understand them until after the dream. Ruth, our resident sage, recently said there is a fine but definite line between deeply caring for someone and really loving the person. Basically, love is caring deeply [u]with commitment[/u]. It is so comforting for me to finally realize that since both of us are totally committed to only our spouses, there is no reason to feel guilty. Thanks, Ruth! :)

PS: Tssssk, Tssssk, Tssssk, Goody! :nono: Did you have Tom take you to Hitch yesterday just because Heartland took Mrs. Heartland to see it? That is soooo High Schooolish… :D

PPS: My last day here will be Thursday. As long as it makes sense, I will try to peek in here weekly and comment if appropriate. I’m simply too weak to do otherwise. :)
GOODY, I WROTE THIS WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO READ YOUR LAST POST YET.

[QUOTE=goody2shuz]Why I was able to trust you probably goes back to your inviting Tom to be a part of the thread. Up to this point I had painted a not so pretty picture of Tom as a husband. And yet you reached out and wished to include him in my thread in order to genuinely help us. That gesture as well as your ability to be nonjudgemental played a big role in my being able to trust you. And when you saw me as Dorothy back in Kansas telling everybody how special a role each plays in her life.(pg 15)...you showed me my strengths that I had forgotten about and gave me back my wings to fly And i have been soaring ever since[/QUOTE]Goody, last night I felt pretty melancholy. My wife was out with her friends and the boards weren’t registering new posts on old threads… so I felt really lonely – and pathetic. To top it off, I realized that I had run out of new ways to tell you goodbye. Then I realized how pathetic that was. I truly felt out of the loop. I felt dead here and I wasn’t even gone. Can anyone be triple-pathetic?

It’s morning and I’m feeling much better now. My first thought was how will I be able to move on to bigger and better things if I feel like a piece of crap? Wow, that didn’t even sound like me but it did sound familiar. Argh! I’m becoming like Nini. :eek: So I quickly switched to thinking about the most positive thinking person I know… a Mrs. Twoshuz. {{I think we’ve had pretty idealized notions of each other but that’s how I want to remember you. In my mind, Dorothy will always be a heroine’s heroine.}} When I read recently what activities osteoarthritis has taken from you, I was really touched. You have a gift for ignoring what you can’t do and embracing all that is good. You truly [u]deserve[/u] the name Goody and that IS how I will remember you. {{hug}} I know if you could, you would crash out through my monitor, grab an old witch’s broom from God knows where and whack me with it, screaming “Heartland, snap out of it!” until I came to my senses. Since you couldn’t do that, I did and I’m feeling much better. So no more goodbyes are needed here, lest I regress. But before I get back to your comments on trust and Nini, I want to explain how I see you through the boards.

The power of these boards is that they strip our physical senses from us. Many first impressions and prejudices are triggered by our senses and there is none of that here. Here, we “see” only one’s thoughts. It’s like seeing the negative of a photograph. If only the real world could be so pure. Goody, my wife and you are so alike it scares me sometimes. :eek: The Leo in each of you that is so evident only strengthens that thought. My wife is the photograph and you are the negative. She is the front side of the moon and you are the backside. It’s a great vantage point for me. ;) Over time, I’ve learned to better understand what she’s REALLY thinking when she says or does something. That has been your biggest value on my marriage. Are Tom’s and my personalities similar enough to help you likewise?

When I first saw your comments in how I gained your trust, I was discouraged because I thought my theory was wrong. Now I realize the theory was basically right but oversimplified. It was missing the ever present need for baby steps. Before you could trust me, you put me on a yellow brick road. ;) By treating each of your doubts or concerns as a baby step, I made it to my Oz and did [u]earn[/u] your confidence. The important thing for me to realize is that earning your confidence seemed natural, comfortable and easy to me. I have always expected that earning one’s confidence would be much more difficult than that. Thanks, Goody, for making my thoughts on earning trust more realistic.

This morning, I gained a new appreciation for Nini’s predicament. Yesterday, she “foolishly” ;) said that she enjoyed my perspective. Those words will come to haunt her. :) I always like to kill two birds with one stone whenever possible. I finally realize that I can continue to help Nini even though I won’t be a regular poster here and she could help me as well. I will write the details about this on her thread but here’s a quick summary. Since progress seems to occur slowly for her, I will check in every couple of weeks and review her active thread(s). I’m sure that will give me a different perspective than I would have gotten as a regular poster who gets mired down with the daily details. I will post my “progress report” on her most current thread so she and the regular posters can take it from there. (I can also gently reminder her about joining Toastmasters without it seeming like a constant rant.;)) In return she can reply with a list of threads I should read so I can keep up with the important happenings in the lives of the other regular posters here. Actually, my stone can kill three birds… it will also kill all sense of guilt for leaving that Ruth so desperately wants me to feel. :D

I can have only one favorite poster here and that will always be you, Goody. As I check in, I’ll always check Goody’s profile to see if there are any new threads. As long as its your season here and I’m breathing, I’ll follow you and your family. That’s what a forever friend does. :angel:
Hey, Goody! :wave:

I’m so happy for your friend and her husband. A periodic prayer for them might be good so there is no backsliding. ;) I’m sure you can breathe easier, too, so relax, my friend.

Goody, after a busy day for me on the board on Thursday, I feared I’d find no more signs. Happily, I was sooo wrong. Also, I tried to get a better grasp on our friendship. I’ve come to realize that you are like no other person in my life. As I saw in your quotes [U]below[/U], you’ve known something for a while that I’ve never noticed. After Thursday, I finally thought about how you started this thread on the same day I tried to cut back on posting for Lent. At the perfect moment, you so perfectly described my problematic situation (and the solution) while explaining your friend’s situation. Goody, you were unwittingly a messenger because there was no way you could know that I had the same problem as your friend's husband. When I first read your words, I lived the lyrics of “Killing Me Softly With His Song” by Roberta Flack

I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowd,
I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud.
I prayed that he would finish but he just kept right on.

He sang as if he knew me in all my dark despair...

[quote=goody2shuz]I know you Heart.....even more than I ever thought I could know another person. . . . . . OMG, how is it that somebody on the virtual side of life can know somebody else so very well????? . . . . . we seem to have an ESP feature that goes back even as far as my darkest hours. At first it seemed coincidental but then it happened many more times and convinced me of what I still believe in my heart today....that you are just one of those people God has placed in my life to guide me through my darkest hours. [/quote]Goody, now your quotes have a much deeper meaning for me. I once provided you advice for K before you could request it; you said that shocked you. Around then, you must have realized what I’m starting to realize now… In addition to being great friends, we know an unexplainable amount about each other and have a unique spiritual bond. I’ve certainly never experienced anything like this before in my life. Today I realized that if my wife was like you, I couldn’t hide anything from her and I’d be miserable. :D :D

The last three days have been full of signs. While driving to a family responsibility on Friday, I explained most of the recent happenings on the board to my wife since she’s my primary advice and support team. ;) It really went quite well until she finally hit her saturation point… She said, “Hey!!! What’s with all the metaphors!?!” (Realguy will love that. :)) We came back Saturday and as we talked, she became skeptical of all the signs and symbolism. It peaked when I said to complete the full circle, I need to tell you "I'm scared Goody" which is somewhat true. Finally, I told her, like I once told you, that the gospel and homily on Sunday after a milestone week, always seem to directly apply to my week. “Just stop it”, she said. When today’s gospel on the Transfiguration said “Arise, and do not be afraid.”, she turned to me with an surprised look on her face. I just smiled back.

Finally, I saw sign Friday that reminded me of you:
You'll always be my friend; you know too much!

So it’s not goodbye but until next time, my awesome friend. –Heartland
[QUOTE=heartlandguy]Hey, Goody!

I’m so happy for your friend and her husband. A periodic prayer for them might be good so there is no backsliding.I’m sure you can breathe easier, too, so relax, my friend.[/QUOTE]


WOW...it's great to see you...my ESP must have kicked in almost like "on the third day He rose again :angel: " You will need to keep me updated here so I can see iF your progress parallels my friends husbands.



[QUOTE=heartland]Goody, after a busy day for me on the board on Thursday, I feared I’d find no more signs. Happily, I was sooo wrong. Also, I tried to get a better grasp on our friendship. I’ve come to realize that you are like no other person in my life. As I saw in your quotes [U]below[/U], you’ve known something for a while that I’ve never noticed. After Thursday, I finally thought about how you started this thread on the same day I tried to cut back on posting for Lent. At the perfect moment, you so perfectly described my problematic situation (and the solution) while explaining your friend’s situation. Goody, you were unwittingly a messenger because there was no way you could know that I had the same problem as your friend's husband. When I first read your words, I lived the lyrics of “Killing Me Softly With His Song” by Roberta Flack

I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowd,
I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud.
I prayed that he would finish but he just kept right on.

He sang as if he knew me in all my dark despair...[/QUOTE]

OOh, ye of little faith......I have known this for so long that we would serve a purpose in one another's lives. But Heartland, I never really knew that you needed that answer and feel so honored to have been an instrument in making your life more complete. BTW....how is it going..you cannot leave me in the dark??? ;)

[QUOTE=heartland]Goody, now your quotes have a much deeper meaning for me. I once provided you advice for K before you could request it; you said that shocked you. Around then, you must have realized what I’m starting to realize now… In addition to being great friends, we know an unexplainable amount about each other and have a unique spiritual bond. I’ve certainly never experienced anything like this before in my life. Today I realized that if my wife was like you, I couldn’t hide anything from her and I’d be miserable. :D [/QUOTE] Yeah...thats why marriage has a mystery to it but friendships have the ability to reflect more of what we hold deep inside. I have many friends but only two who allow me to see that reflection....my friend that I speak of in this thread & [B]you[/B].....funny how the two connected ;)




[QUOTE=heartland]The last three days have been full of signs. While driving to a family responsibility on Friday, I explained most of the recent happenings on the board to my wife since she’s my primary advice and support team. ;) It really went quite well until she finally hit her saturation point… She said, “Hey!!! What’s with all the metaphors!?!” (Realguy will love that. We came back Saturday and as we talked, she became skeptical of all the signs and symbolism. It peaked when I said to complete the full circle, I need to tell you "I'm scared Goody" which is somewhat true. Finally, I told her, like I once told you, that the gospel and homily on Sunday after a milestone week, always seem to directly apply to my week. “Just stop it”, she said. When today’s gospel on the Transfiguration said “Arise, and do not be afraid.”, she turned to me with an surprised look on her face. I just smiled back.

Finally, I saw sign Friday that reminded me of you:
You'll always be my friend; you know too much!

So it’s not goodbye but until next time, my awesome friend. –Heartland[/QUOTE] The metaphors and symbolism are not for everyone..I was explaining a little bit of what is going on here to Tom and my best friend...my best friend sees it because she knows how it is between her and I...that metaphysical/spiritual connection. ;) On Saturday I got out of the shower and ran for the phone telling Tom I had to call my friend.....that feeling was there again. He looked shocked and said...she had called minutes before and asked for me to call her back :D

Heartland....your sign is there, and I must tell you to not be afraid...I think that you have seen what you have to do and have acquired the confidence you need to be able to do it. If you need me to walk with you you know I am here and always will be. Funny....I usually don't frequent the boards on Sundays..but once again I was compelled to be here to find that you were too. I will post another song to get you through your journey...I need to find it and hope it gives you the strength to do what you need to do. I believe in you, Heartland, like you once believed in me. You know already that you are not alone....so go knowing that. And keep us posted on how you're doing....Goody :angel:
Heartland ~ I was holding onto this until I saw the right moment....and GF and I agree that that moment is NOW :angel: (Please keep in mind I wrote it yesterday)

I must share with you how the occurrences that transpired over the weekend convinced me that whatever challenges are ahead….God will see us through. The signs that I saw convinced me that there is no doubt in my heart that you and MBF are going to see the true purpose of this thread. I do not know the day or the time but I am certain that we will all “see” with new eyes the way in which we have been spiritually connected.

Shortly after my post and GF’s post on Saturday, my daughter, K. came in from taking a practice college exam which has an essay portion. She got a perfect score of 6/6. I read it and was amazed at it’s relevance here. I thought I would share with you her conclusion. It says….”Many people today are afraid to speak their mind because they fear disapproval by their family, peers, or community. Sometimes acting courageously requires someone to speak out at the risk of such rejection. It is people who do so that are considered true heroes in our world.” This came at a perfect time when I was having a difficult time “speaking my mind” here. And it was a sign to me that in order to be your hero, I may just have to continue doing so.

Heartland…I have to say I was quite disappointed that you didn’t “see” the word of God providing any clearer a message than He offered you today. Even before Sunday He was preparing the way. Look at some of the posts you and I posted even before hearing the Gospel….“God has given us an incredible mind, [B]eyes to see[/B], ears to hear and legs to walk. I do not believe it is His will that we sit and expect Him to bring a job to us.” posted by GF, and, “I believe in miracles as you well know and [B]I see [/B] God's miracles in action right here....perhaps [B]you will see [/B] things better by Monday as well.”

What better Gospel could we have been given for our journey together than when Jesus heals the blind man???? Up to this time in your life you haven’t been able to “see” God’s plan for you in terms of your employment. So in a sense you have been blind in making career choices or decisions despite your thinking that you have been following God’s plan for you. I see this as also pertaining to MBFH. The two of you believe that you can “see” God’s will and yet you are looking through blind man’s eyes rather than seeking the miracle of sight that He offers you. This morning God clearly shows us that sometimes the way in which we live our lives is much like living life through the eyes of a blind man. And today God offers us the gift of “new” sight. But in order to “see” we must admit that all along we’ve been looking through human eyes often leaving us blind and we must now seek God’s gift of sight. (This means that you must be convicted to giving up the ways that have held you back from gainful employment and accept that the way that you have been doing things is not through the eyes of God but rather the eyes of a blind man)
We need to pray that you have the courage to see the decisions ahead through God’s eyes not human blindness. We must realize also that what we may have thought was God’s will for us may just have been our human blindness sensing it as so. (Living in darkness and confusion) So, if there was anything you and MBFH needed to hear more from God…it would be what today’s Gospel had to say. The second reading also had a quote that I think said lots…..”Arise from the dead and God will give you light!!!” You and MBFH have been in darkness of death in regard to career choices…it’s time to find the career with the faith that God has given you. What you’ve done in the past is not working…your employment status is dead but if you give up the thought processes that you’ve been working with whether it be in terms of fear, waiting for the ideal situation, lack of confidence, or perhaps even convincing yourself that it‘s just God‘s will…it’s time to get up and do something different until you are in the light or more directly, gainfully employed. What clearer message can we get??

My friend, it is quite evident that you continue to allow your human blindness to lead your way, just by looking at the words of your posts since Sunday’s gospel. You listened to the word but did it open your blind eyes to see??? Listen to your very own words after going to mass….”Meanwhile I hope that GF, you and whoever can help “see” what I’m unable to see about myself. I’ve thought about the Dakota story and realized that our most complex sensory organs, the eyes, only see outwards. This means I can never see myself in the same way as I see everyone else. However, anyone else can compare me to others and give me something I can’t give myself. This is why, for the moment, I will concentrate on others. I am counting on others to do the same for me.” So in a sense you are choosing to remain blind and not accept God’s gift of “new” sight. I need to help you discover why and a way to get you to accept this wonderful gift so that you can finally see that your life does not have to remain this way. Your trying to assist Nini is like the blind leading the blind. You need to learn to look inward and by gathering the strength to do so will help Nini and others as well. This will most likely take the courage and speaking out that K.’s insightful essay speaks about, on my part.

I’m hoping in the next few postings that you will disclose what you can in terms of identifying the contributing factors to you blindness. I have a feeling that it is due to a combination of a lack of faith and confidence in yourself as well as an overall fear. And ironically, I cannot believe that you possess these things from the way that you have helped me and others here. But then often comedians or “clowns” are hidden behind masks thus hiding their innermost emotions and blinding them to the happiness of they need to seek within their own lives.

Our journey has begun, so be brave my lion and take Dorothy's hand with all the courage I know you have.....Dorothy :angel:
Goody’s Friend, first let me say that I am very impressed and thankful for your post. After seeing this post, I realized that I left lots of voids in my background post and you made many great assumptions to produce this post. I concur with most of what you wrote and it requires no further comment by me. I hope this reply fills the voids.

[QUOTE=Goody’s Friend]we need to do our part by aggressively seeking employment and if we are praying for Him to open up the right doors and close those that are not the right ones - He will do exactly that!

Several years later, the same job at my place of employment became available and once again, I applied. I got the job and looking back I can see why at that particular time, it would not have been in my best interests for me to get the job then.[/quote]I have experienced these things, too. I know exactly what you mean and believe them to be true.

[quote]I also believe there are different seasons in our life. When you initially resigned from your previous stable job to stay home and become self employed, it sounds like it may have been the right decision at the time. However, that season may have passed. The Lord I believe, may have been shouting to you His plan, when over the years, your business was not falling into place. He may have been telling you "this is no longer where you should be or I would have had the pieces come together."[/quote]{{Background clarification… my “previous stable job” became suddenly altered and unstable. My wife and I agree to this day that we could not tolerate the pending changes of the job and we don’t regret my leaving it one bit.}}

I think this paragraph hits the nail on the head. This thread finally made me realize this possibility and you just put it in perspective. Until a couple of years ago, even though I wasn’t financially successful, my wife and I thought things were moving in the right direction because I was growing a lot while working on improving my business situation. While writing this, I just realized a single event occurred that signaled the end of that season. Until now, I never saw that as a sign from God to look for something different but I may have just been blind to the fact. (I hope to explore this aspect more on this thread.) Since that event, I have grown in different ways that I didn’t realize until after this thread started. I am still open to the possibility that God’s will could be that Goody, you and I were meant to meet here and help each other before we all move on to new seasons. I just don’t know yet.

If I come to discover that my season actually ended several years ago with that event, then I imagine that your husband and I may have done the same thing… Followed God’s will up to a point but were too obsessed with the status quo to realize God had new plans for us. Are we both in denial and blind to His word? How do we know when we need mud put on our eyes so that we may see (as per yesterday’s gospel)? What signs did we miss? :confused:

[quote]I am not telling you to give up on your dreams.[/quote]My dreams are tied to following His will. Finding my wife-to-be and better jobs never resulted directly from my plans. It seemed more like He would pull a rabbit out of a hat for us. I’m just lost for the moment and need to learn how to not lose track of His will for me. :confused:

[quote]I too, would love to be working less or be home.[/quote]We are empty nesters. My wife loves her job and working situation. She does as she wishes after work.

[quote]I would really like to know if your wife still feels ok you not bringing home a steady paycheck. To be honest, I cannot imagine she is OK with that. She may have become quiet over the years due to the emotional pain of lack of financial security. After a while, I often felt my complaints were falling on deaf ears. If she is internalizing alot of her feelings like I have often done, there is alot of healing that needs to be done.[/quote]Saturday morning proved you are 100% correct here. We discussed my recent lack of direction and I heard way more than I wanted to hear. :D However, I know I deserved to hear it and thankfully her caldera didn’t erupt for long. :) Yes, that is why she is a saint.

[quote]As for your comment about living frugally, I feel I must address this as well. If that includes not being able to go out at times, to dinner, a movie etc., because there is no money for the extra things, that gets very draining after a while. When there is not enough money to date and have fun, outside the home, it begins to drain the passion and fun out of life. If this is so in your home, I can relate to how your wife must feel. Please forgive me if this is not so. Your comments lead me to believe this may be the case.[/quote]I must have mislead you, my friend, sorry! We are not strapped for cash and fortunately we can do most of the important things that our friends, family and we want to do. By frugal I mean the following… We are very selective of how we spend our money; we learnt that during our early marriage and never lost it. We have been good stewards of our savings; being empty nesters makes this much easier for us. Even without this thread, my “biological career clock” said I needed a steady income by this summer else we will lose our dwindling but adequate reserve. We have cut back primarily by deferring purchases when a repair will get us by. I’m extremely good at repairing a wide range of things as well as or better than before. Unfortunately, that means much of our property is becoming embarrassingly old. Everything around me says I must be a provider by this summer.

[quote]I will be praying for you Heartland and for your wife. May the Lord guide you and bless you as you decide on what you must do. Remember, He expects us to do our part. Tell your wife I have a soft spot in my heart for her, as I also have been referred to as a saint.[/QUOTE]Thank you, GF! :) I must have lost the ability to listen for changes in His will. I must learn to hear it again. I think Goody and you can help us greatly. I look forward to hearing from you again, my friend. -Heartland





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