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Relationship Health Message Board

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[QUOTE=liquidstar]Ok, my question is, have any of you been so in love with someone that you thought it was a rare love that not many people have. And then you break up, do you find love again that makes the first love seem not as great as the next or current? I'm just so scared I'll never find someone like that again.[/QUOTE]

Well, the exciting and wonderful thing about being in love is that you believe that your bond is special, stronger, and more intense than most other people ever experience. I've been in love three times and felt this way about each guy. However, it was only with my fiance that everything fell into place--I never had to question whether we were perfectly matched and destined to be together, and none of our differences or obstacles have posed even a minor threat to our love. This wasn't the case with my past loves. Even though I loved these guys passionately and was convinced that I would marry each of them while we were together, being with them was sometimes really hard and emotionally draining. Every once in a while I would get frustrated and confused to the point where I would question whether or not I would really be happy spending my life with each of them. I didn't realize until I met my fiance that these doubts were signs that there was someone out there who was much better suited to me. There was an amazing man somewhere who had everything I ever wanted in a man and more--someone with whom I could love wholeheartedly without ever having to compromise about what I wanted from a relationship, and someone with whom I wouldn't have to look past or excuse certain qualities or behaviors that made me question our long-term compatibility. When it's right, it's not hard, it's not confusing, it's not complicated--there is just no doubt in either partner's mind that they couldn't live without the other person by their side every day. However, it can be hard to recognize this, especially with your first love, because you have no frame of reference. This is why people say that the magic of first love is the illusion that it will last forever, that it's much more powerful than anyone else has ever experienced.

But I'm really glad for the experience I gained from these past relationships. I learned that it takes a lot more than intense love to make for a successful, lasting relationship--it takes communication, trust, honesty, shared goals and values, commitment, maturity, the right timing, etc. I'm sure lots of the other posters here who have experienced more than one great love and only realized what all their past relationships lacked once they met their life partner can add lots of other qualities to this list. Hard as it is to see without some perspective, if a relationship is difficult to the point where either of you ever considers not spending your lives together, it's probably not the right match. I know this seems harsh, but the fact is, if a relationship ends, it's because it wasn't going to work in the long term. Actually, in the long run, those relationships are for the best because ending them frees you to be open to embracing and loving the partner who you're meant to spend your life with when you finally meet that person.

Best wishes,

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