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so I am 21, and I should be studying, but I want to vent this out.

I dont know anything about relationship. only dated once besides my current one. I dont know how I am supposed to act, and what is the right and wrong thing to do.

I mean, for example, when a girl gets mad at me, my gf doesn't like me to explain myself. First, it doesn't work, and second, she expects me to just comfort her first, w/out explaining why I acted the way I did. Everytime I say "I did it because...." she doesn't like it.....

I mean, truthfully, the fight that she picks with me....if it was me or a guy who was put in her shoes, I 100% know that they will not get mad. So usually, I always try to assume she is logical like me, or other of my guy friends. so maybe that is my fault.

but what do you guys think of tihs? I'm not experienced in this, but my first instinct is to always explain myself when my gf is mad at me......(usually, because I think she over reacts on stuff). and when I do explain, she will tell me to stop explaining myself, and to think on her side more. she said that whenever I explain myself, it shows that I am not considering her side.

usually, I start to say sorry and stuff, but when that doesn't work, that's when I panic and start to explain.

also, usually, is it expected for the guy to know how the girl feels? I mean, if she says "ok," I always agree with her, but then, it gets her mad.....you know what I mean(related to my other thread)..i.e, she says i'll talk to you later, and when I say ok, she gets mad because it wasn't what she really wanted.

For me, the way I was brought up, I'm not super social type of person, and always a bit niave, and perhaps a bit lack of common sense. In our family, We never comforted one another.....dunno why...never needed to.

but to me, it seems like I need to get rid of my gut instincts ever since I got a girlfriend.............is it the same w/ all guys?

Is there really such thing as a "perfect" couple where teh guy can act as free as he wants, and the girl can too?

but for you girls, I mean, how do I console someone w/out explaining why I did something to make her mad?

and for guys, how did you change yourself to make her happy? To me, it seems I needed to be lots and lots more caring then before, need to take time, and also say sorry no matter waht.......

is this how this works


*confused*
[QUOTE=semidevil]I dont know anything about relationship. only dated once besides my current one. I dont know how I am supposed to act, and what is the right and wrong thing to do.[/QUOTE]Welcome to the world of relationships :D My best advice is to act yourself..trying to be something that you're not is prely exhausting and superficial. Besides.....knowing somebody cares about you for just being the unique person that God made you is truly the real thing. Women don't want a fake...they want the real thing.


[QUOTE=semidevil]I mean, for example, when a girl gets mad at me, my gf doesn't like me to explain myself. First, it doesn't work, and second, she expects me to just comfort her first, w/out explaining why I acted the way I did. Everytime I say "I did it because...." she doesn't like it.....[/QUOTE]
That's because women don't like excuses.....if you're sorry, you're sorry. Making an excuse is just an automatic rebutile of your apology. Either apologize or don't. Women really like it when you apologize and at the same time verbally acknowledge how your behavior or what you said could be seen as hurtful. This way they see your apology as being genuine rather than a means of keeping the peace. ;)


[QUOTE=semidevil]I mean, truthfully, the fight that she picks with me....if it was me or a guy who was put in her shoes, I 100% know that they will not get mad. So usually, I always try to assume she is logical like me, or other of my guy friends. so maybe that is my fault.[/QUOTE]
Women are not like men.....they don't see things in terms of logic.
And to think that a woman is going to react to something exactly the way you or one of your buddies would is an automatic nono :nono: What you find to be upsetting in a relationship will be totally different thatn what a woman would. Don't ever think that a woman or any other person is going to think the same way as you....that would leave you to be seen as a rather controlling person, wouldn't it???




[QUOTE=semidevil]usually, I start to say sorry and stuff, but when that doesn't work, that's when I panic and start to explain. [/QUOTE]
You need to stop all the explaining...it only looks like you're making an excuse and offering only half an apology. You will get alot further by keeping things simple, however, never apologize if you don't see yourself as having done any wrong. Sometimes in relationships we need to agree to disagree ;)



[QUOTE=semidevil]also, usually, is it expected for the guy to know how the girl feels? I mean, if she says "ok," I always agree with her, but then, it gets her mad.....you know what I mean(related to my other thread)..i.e, she says i'll talk to you later, and when I say ok, she gets mad because it wasn't what she really wanted.[/QUOTE]
HEHEHEHEHE :D Every woman would ideally love it if her man knew exactly what she feels :bouncing: That would eliminate more than 90% of the disagreements in a relationship :jester: I often make that mstake with my husband....but he's a smart man and says things like....kick me to remind me or "I haven't mastered the art of reading your mind even after 17 years of being with you...so how do you assume I can suddenly do so now????" No, it's just not something men are equipped to do even though us women would love to have a mna who could do so, saving us a lot of wasted time & energy explaining to them just how we feel ;) And.....you need to read a little between the lines...sometimes whata woman says is the complete opposite of what she feels. Saying I'll talk to ya later may very well mean "We need to talk this out right now so it doesn't ruin my day." :D





[QUOTE=semidevil]but to me, it seems like I need to get rid of my gut instincts ever since I got a girlfriend.............is it the same w/ all guys?

Is there really such thing as a "perfect" couple where teh guy can act as free as he wants, and the girl can too?[/QUOTE]
It all comes in time, my friend. For now just relax and try to just be yourself but realize at the same time that when it comes to a relationship..it's not just about YOU anymore. It's about getting to know another person and what makes them tick. It can be the most tedious job and at the same time the most rewarding...that is, if you learn to see how special and unique that other person really is. Good luck...Goody :wave:





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