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Relationship Health Message Board

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[QUOTE=heartlandguy]My friend, you canít ďlay lowĒ for long, can you? ;) (You have the heart of Tigger. :bouncing: ) You are absolutely right about taking risks and I truly believe that on a conscious level (i.e., it's my rational belief). According to Ellis (p27), I must also have irrational belief(s) that stimulate over-reactions like anxiety or {momentary} depression (pity parties?) or under-reactions such as apathy and inertia. I must identify my irrational belief(s) and invalidate them, which is different than just having conflicting rational belief(s). Iíve tried to identify some possible candidatesÖ fear of failure, avoidance of frustration, fear of procrastination itself and maybe even increasing aversion to risk. Iíd like to finish the Ellis book by Monday to get more answers. (Iíll probably post on Anxiety board at that point.) Iím at the start of chapter 8, where the book begins giving methods of overcoming procrastination.[/QUOTE] Eeeeek :eek: You are so far ahead of Goody.....I'm sorry, my friend, but between the meds and the lack of stimulation that the book has in terms of my interest, I have been doing some of my own procrastinating. But my motivational factor is to help you & I cannot unless I push forward. And I promise I will...

However, without having even finished the book I think that your procrastination originates from your fears of failure, of the changes that may have occurred while you were on sebatical, and of frustration of not getting there. Once you take the risk or as HITCH says....jump ~ you will only be forced to use the wings that you have to fly that you have but never knew you did. Mrs. H. is right in the sense that we ought not waste too much time in identifying these just need to JUMP and everything else will just fall into place. I am confident that Mrs. H. & I will get you there and give you that extra push that you need to try out those wings and once you do you will soar high above the sky....higher than you even believed yourself capable of ;)

[QUOTE=heartland]I remember leaving things for the last minute in college but have no clear memory of that before then. I guess it felt normal for me. I noticed that since I caught my cold, I havenít been making daily To-Do lists and I think Iíve backslid because of that. [u]Monday[/u], Iíll resume making a new list for each workday. The lists break the day in baby steps and the timeslots give me a sense of urgency much like a deadline does. Deadlines, To-Do lists and plans all seem to increase productivityÖ and stress. Maybe this means I need structure and stress management. In 2002, my GP had me see a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for stress management, mostly related to hypertension. The LCSW highly recommended reading [u]A Guide To Rational Living[/u] byÖ Albert Ellis. :) Of course, I bought it but havenít read itÖ [/QUOTE] Oh no, not another Ellis book :eek: You say that lists cause you stress....perhaps we need to find another motivational factor for you. Goody has an idea but it's too soon to bring up. For now continue the lists in the sense that upon completion you will have a positive outcome...that in accomplishing them you are making two woman happy :D :D How about that???? In time you will be able to see that in doing your tasks that the positive outcome is in fact less stress and more positive self evaluations.

[B]Exercise and time with friends is relaxing; watching TV (I donít watch much now) isnít very relaxing.
Perfectionists donít like half done projects because they are monuments to procrastination. Instead, we avoid tasks that donít capture our imaginations. I do have one monument to procrastination on the home front and it is driving Mrs. H crazy. Iíll be resuming it soon.[/B] How about NOW....and when the job is done then the exercise and time with friends (like me ;) ) as a reward. I know I am trying to not push too much, but it's my job to help you and once the job is done then you will reap the benefits.

[QUOTE=heartland]Youíve made me think about lots of things these last few weeks that Iíve never bothered to consider before. Iím amazed at how well you can pick me apart, my friend. My eyes only see outward so you seem to see things that I miss. This process reminds me of the nature shows on TV where one primate picks bugs out of the other's fur... in public! Oh, the indignity of it all![/QUOTE] I'm glad that you can give me a compliment and at the same time a laugh :D I'll always be willing to pick bugs off of you....if I didn't who would???? That's what I cherish the most about our friendship....we're willing to put up with one another "bugs" and all!!!!

[QUOTE=heartland]Again, youíre absolutely right. I need to visualize the questions theyíll ask me about my weak points and develop a positive but honest answer for each. I havenít squandered my spare time these last few years. In many ways, my self-employed years have been very beneficial for my family and me. Personally, Iíve treated most of my spare moments like a sabbatical and I feel blessed since few people get that opportunity. Now that season is over and I must seek other opportunitiesÖ with a little help from my friends.[/QUOTE] I love how you are able to see this......yes, you need to believe in yourself & present yourself in a confident yet realistic way. If you see yourself weak in an area there is nothing wrong in admitting it.....many a time when I was being interviewed I had no problem admitting something I felt weak in fact I came right out saying that I had never done so but that with patience in showing me once that I was a quick learner and capable of performing that duty. And it was less stressful.....I had many strengths that outweighed the weaknesses and I presented myself as somebody worth the effort in helping me with my weaknesses. I am certain that you will be able to do the same.

On the road again with a friend who's moving in the right direction....Goody
My husband's so called interview was not an interview. The person he used to know told him to come and fill out an application so he just assumed it would also be an interview. Well, that person was not available when he got there, and my husband was instructed to go to the human resource dept and fill out an application. He has not heard back, even after leaving a voice mail for the person. There was another job at the same co that my husband applied for online and within an hour he heard back on line saying that he would NOT be considered for the position. (I am assuming because he is way over-qualified. I bet the same thing happened with the other job at the same co that he filled out in person. They will not even consider him because he is too qualified and they assume that he will leave.) Very discouraging to say the least!!
He called another co and spoke to someone about a possible job and the person sounded very interested. Apparently my huband was highly recommended by someone that was an old boss of his. BUT this potential employer told him that he would first have to fire someone that is currently employed there. (I don't think I like the sound of that!) During the conversation with the potential employer, they realized that my huband is capable of doing 2 of the jobs there and they felt my husband could do both jobs that were presently being done by two seperate people. So, I don't know if this person wanted to fire someone so he would be able to pay less overall in benefits etc, or if the person he was considering firing was doing a poor job. My husband left another mesage for the person yesterday and as of early this am, had not heard back. So we were both getting very discouraged.
In the meantime, there was a meeting regarding his dream job and my husband told them he could not wait any longer to begin working and he needed to look for another job to provide for his family. They told him they did not want to lose him and promsed he would begin getting paid this week. So, my husband is excited again about the "dream job" since he was told he will get a check tomorrow. I don't know what to think. I am still very nervous about the financial stability of the organization since it is just getting off the ground, but at the same time, we have bills that need to be paid NOW and no other official job offers!! So part of me feels, what would be the harm for him to take the job now, if he truly does get that check this week and if they are not able to continue to pay him he can quit. At least it would bring money in immediately. (That's assuming they do what they say they will do.)
Then after all of the above, he checked his voice mail and he received a call from the employer that said he would first have to fire someone, saying that he wanted to talk to my huband next Wed.
So that is where it stands!!! :confused:

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