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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Blue, I agree with Snails that you are a very special and caring person. In spite of all your problems, you find time to show sincere concern for me and Iím touched by that. Most people with half as much on their plate become oblivious to others. I consider you a special friend. :angel:

I am perfectly fine today and the same with Mrs. H. I think you must have sensed a shift in my personality. I think my personality confuses many people; it's a bit Jekyll and Hyde. My core being is extremely unstructured so when I let go, Iím like a puppyÖ carefree and curious about everything. As such, Iím spontaneous, creative and intuitive. In fact, Iím soooo unstructured when like that that I could never survive for long being that way in the real world. To compensate, I have an extremely structured side where I become a very detail-oriented, by-the-rules kind of guy. I need to be that kind of guy to be productive but I find it quite stressful. Ideally, Iíd like to be a blend of both but Iíve never discovered a way to blend these two sides of my personality.

The last week or two, Iíve allowed myself to be in my carefree mode and have let things get away from me. As such, I abandoned my To-Do list completely, sat on these boards too long, worked on the project too little and committed random acts of responsibility. Wednesday, it finally hit me how many important things Iíve let slide. Yesterday, the list was back and I felt back in control Öbehind but in controlÖ and I expect the same for today.

I loved your prayer for me and Iíve saved it. Based on what Iíve just said, it needs a small additionÖ something like ďand help Heartland to balance his spontaneous and structured qualities so he can be the best he can be.Ē Thanks so much for your concern, Blue! May your problems turn to dust and blow away. :angel:

The ďpassing a camel through the eye of a needleĒ passage scared the daylights out of me as a child and has taken away any desire in me to be greedy. However, I see stewardship as the way to redistribute His blessings while earning a good salary. Does your husband see the monetary aspects of stewardship as being insufficient to appease his conscience? :[/QUOTE]

The scripture you mentioned above is the very one that my husband has quoted many times. I understand what Jesus meant when he quoted that scripture because it is easy for wealthy people to get their eyes off of God and the needs of others and instead become absorbed in their wealth and their lifestyle. I like you however, do believe that when God does bless people materially, they have an obligation to be good stewards of their resources. It would give me no greater joy than to be so blessed financially that I could help many others. My husband is a very giving person. He would give the shirt off his back for someone in need. I have seen him at times give all the money in his wallet to homeless people or someone in real need. He is the one that stops to help a stranded motorist as well. If he could begin seeing being blessed financially as an opportunity to give even more, I think his thinking would change. Thank you Heartland, now I know exactly how I should pray about this obstacle.
We both love to give to others and I believe that God gives us certain resources and talents so that we can bless others. There have been many times that I have cooked meals, given gift certificates and brought over groceries for others in our community when there has been a need. (Ex, birth of a new baby, sickness, job loss, a mother suffering from depression) The feeling that comes with that is incredible!!! I can actually feel the Lord's presence next to me as I am giving to someone else. I especially love to do it when it is a suprise!! To see the face of someone light up as you bless them, is like giving a big gift to a child on Christmas morning. Our next door neighbor has been out of work full-time work for several months and his common -law wife of 15 years left him when things got too stressful. When my husband received his first check from his "dream job", and I was out buying groceries, I know God directed me to buy groceries for him as well and I could not wait to give them to him. When I knocked on his door and brought the bags of food in, he started to cry. He does not know the Lord and I was so elated to be able to do something for him. I kept on hearing the scripture, "When I was hungry you gave me food....." echo in my head. I prayed that God would use that gift to bring the knowledge of the awesome love of God to him. I was hoping it would show him that God will never leave him nor forsake him. I know he was touched, (especially since he knew the situation we have been in), and now the rest is up to God. My neighbor came over for dinner last night and he told us that he starts a full-time job today!!


But I see there is some good news, too!ÖHe must have blessed you with a wonderful best friend and the timing couldnít be better. A best friend is the perfect person to take your mind off your daily problems. You may feel down, my friend, but you are certainly not forgotten. I hope those five days will replenish your reserve of strength. :angel: :[/QUOTE]

Yes Heartland. Isn't that wonderful!!! God is so good. He knew I needed a break desperately and He provided that through my wonderful friend. As I said before, I can't wait to see her and I know we will have a great time. I have to admit though that it makes me feel a little uncomfortable to accept gifts. I would much rather be the one doing the giving! I have to continually remind myself that if the situation was reversed, I would gladly do the same thing and that I need to look at this as though God is showing me how much He loves me through the love of my friend.


Our most recent withdrawal from our reserve has affected my wife much more than before. She is now displaying many of the traits you predicted on a random basis and it is straining our relationship. Much of the time, Iím not comfortable around her and, by my own choosing, Iíve slept about half the nights on the couch. Sheís withdrawn into her hobby of collecting to take her mind off our problems. I really, truly appreciate your prayers because Iím starting to feel lonely. I certainly feel like I have lost His favor and hope this is merely some type of test.

My wife has told me she wonít move. Unless there is a setback in the bathroom project, all major work should be finished this month. At that point, if Iíve found nothing locally, Iíll consider jobs in Omaha and Lincoln. They are far enough away where commuting may not be feasible. I donít like the options that leaves me.[/QUOTE]

Heartland, please understand that a sense of security is very important to a woman. I am not talking about luxuries, but just the security to know that our every day essentials, (shelter and food) will be provided for. If we do not see our husbands taking care of these needs for us, our respect diminishes and anger and fear can set in. What have you noticed that she is doing that makes you uncomfortable or upset? It is vital that you do not allow this situation and her feelings to come between the two of you. Please do not sleep on the couch. What she needs more than anything from you right now is the love and assurance to know that you will take care of her no matter what. She, like myself, needs to see her husband be her knight and shining armor and go out and conquer the bad guys. In our case, the bad guy is unemployment. I truly believe that if she sees you consistently (daily) trying diligently, to find a job, that will ease her mind and mean the world to her. I think if you do that, you will see the worry begin to subside, and thus the feelings that come from that, ease.
As I shared with you quite awhile ago, my anger and frustration did not come because my husband lost his job, but because he was not willing to do whatever it took to bring money into the house while he was looking for a job. It is a horrible feeling for a woman to feel as though she is carrying the entire financial load. I would have respected my husband alot more if he had taken a job at the local hardware store while he was trying to find the right job. That is what ate away at my feelings of respect and love for him. Romance is wonderful, but it does not mean anything if a woman does not feel secure to know that her husband will do anything he needs to do to take care of her and provide. What good is it if my husband brings me flowers, but I am legitimately worried that we won't be able to put food on our table and make the mortgage payment?? Without that security, she feels as though she is plodding through 6 feet of snow dragging a huge load. What she wants is for her man to come along beside her and grab the burden of the load from her. The sexiest thing a man can do for a woman is to love her by meeting her needs - THAT IS REAL ROMANCE!!! All the sweet talk and cards do not mean very much if a woman feels the entire financial burden on her shoulders. Instead, she feels betrayed and can not fathom that a man that claims to love her so much can not put aside his pride to do what is nesessary. If her physical needs are not being provided for, an essential area of trust is broken and she does not feel safe and secure. I hope this all makes sense.
Please know that I care about you very much and I want more than anything for you to not only find a wonderful job but to truly understand how your wife feels. Heartland, if she gets angry at you, the anger stems from fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear that you won't be able to meet your bills. Fear that she will lose everything that she has worked so hard for. Fear that she will have to move away from her children and grandchildren. If you can try and see this through her eyes, you will be able to overcome her fears and alleviate her anxiety. Remember, she has been going through this situation with you for quite some time. After awhile, hope begins to diminsh. If you can restore her hope, you will bring peace and joy into your home.
I know that you are kind, compassionate, thoughtful and very intelligent man. And, most importantly, you are a man after God's heart. Don't let the enemy of our soul rob you of what God wants to give you. That snake would like nothing better than to see you both sleeping in seperate rooms. Don't let him win!! It is so hard in our humanity sometimes to do what God would have us do. For me, I find that by praying, meditating on Him and listening to Christian music, I can feel His Spirit guiding me to love when it is not always so easy to do and when I feel like giving up.
I have faith in you Heartland. God will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. You have not lost favor with him. He promises to be with you even until the end of time. He does not promise us a life without difficulty. BUT, HE does promise to be with us through the trials. I can just imagine what would have happened if I did not have God in my life. We are human and we struggle with the same temptations and struggles that others do. Just because we are Chrisitians does not mean that we will not experience feelings of depression, worry or fear. But the good news is that we can turn our struggles over to the one that made us. When we are able to do that a peace that surpasses understanding truly does flood us, and then we are able to not only see the hand of God in the trial, but sometimes even be aware that we are being carried through it!
I promise to keep you and your wife in my prayers every day.
PS See Page 2.

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