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Re: Insecure?
Feb 17, 2005
I don't know how to go about confronting him. He's going to think I'm crazy.

I know he is hiding her from me though because normally, all of his sent e-mails go straight to the sent box and he has been going in there, only deleating the ones he sent to her.[/QUOTE]

Okay, this is what is so insidious about being with a cheater.
You are not crazy and you are not paranoid-- You are trying to trust someone who is not trustworthy (at all), which is IMPOSSIBLE to do. So naturally, you feel like the crazy, paranoid, insecure one.

I know you love him and want to have a future with him, but short of locking him in a cage, will you ever have any true peace? You cannot have a relationship without trust. period.
You haven't caught him cheating in a year is no indication he's committed to you. The opportunity or person didn't present themselves, or you just didn't catch him.

These recent emails look very incriminating. If you want to clear your conscience, go ahead and confront him, what do you have to lose? One way or the other, he's likely going to cheat again. Either w/her or someone else. He has no reason to stop because your STILL there.
I know you said if he does it again, your leaving...I hope you mean it. He probably doesnt' believe you. It's always 'next time'...I understand giving a second chance. But if he keeps cheating and you keep staying...then your saying your willing to put up with it. Not that you don't get angry and he promises not to do it again, but, it's an empty threat that you'll leave, he knows it. He'll believe you only when you walk out the door.
Who knows, maybe fatherhood might turn him around...or, it could just keep you too busy to keep tabs on him and he has more freedom.

I know you posted for advice about this one incident, but I see it as trying to put out one of many fires (or 'flames'..old and new), that can get soooo tiresome. The other girls aren't the problem, HE is the problem. I know the stress and toll it can take. I don't have any advice on how to stay (for the long haul) with him, because I don't think it's possible without losing yourself in the process.

Sorry to paint such a dark picture. I doubt I've said anything you don't already know, but I wish you the best (you deserve much better)

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