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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


My boyfriend was laid off from his IT management position two and a half weeks ago. We are looking for a house, he's saving for a ring, we have to save for a wedding, and he has an 9 year old daughter for which to pay child support. When it first happened, I was very supportive, telling him not to worry, it'll be ok, he'll find something soon. Money is not an issue. My money is his money so as long as I have an income, we will be fine. However, with all the expenses that we have coming up, I would have thought he would pour ALL his energy into finding a new job.

Instead, here we are two weeks later and he hasn't finished his resume, hasn't even started working on his coverletter and definitely has not applied for any positions. It's driving me crazy when I call him at 2 p.m. and he's telling me he just showered. I feel like he stays up late playing Halo or something or hanging out with his buddies or just wasting time in front of the TV and then wakes up late and bums around the house for the entire day.

We don't live together right now. I live with my parents trying to save up for a downpayment, he lives on his own. All along it was our plan for him to move in with me and my parents for a few months before buying a house. He managed to get out of his lease right before loosing his job (which was good) and is moving in at the end of this month.

I am getting increasingly irritated with his slacking. If that were me, I would have had my resume done that first day. I don't understand what he's waiting for. He's a very intelligent person but he is lazy and that bothers the heck out of me. Why isn't he more motivated to find a job right away? He seems content to live off of his severance until it runs out which won't be long but then what? I work so hard, commute for 4 hours every day to get to my job and back, save as much as I can. I feel like he needs to do his share to contribute and right now this situation is taking us off course.

Am I in the wrong here to be upset about this? I tried bringing it up last night and he kept saying he doesn't want to talk about it. He sucks at communicating about things that put him on the spot. So when he left, I told him I wasn't thrilled with him and he knows why. I ended up writing him a heated email after he left. It was a very honest email, telling him exactly how I feel about the situation.

Am I doing something wrong? Should I be more supportive? Does he need more time? I know everyone's different. I'm much more of a go getter, get things done earlier rather than later. He tends to put things off. We have a great relationship and we love each other very much but right now this situation I know will cause some problems.





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