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Re: Toxic friend?
Feb 20, 2005
Hi Goody! Yes, she is the same friend. Good memory. I suppose she could be right that some of my sadness and past disappointments could be seen sometimes in my attitude, although I try my best to be in a good mood in public. But I suspect that no matter what, she would still criticize me. When I was with my fiance and happy, she was the same way. She would say bad things about him, or would say I had small breasts, or whatever. She likes to act as if she were always right. I think on some level she loves to see me miserable and without a boyfriend. She always had this weird competition going on with me because we were both very good students in college and I was the one with a serious boyfriend while she never had any. Deep down she is a very insecure person so she likes to make others, especially me, feel bad about themselves. But she hides it under the guise of being a "good friend" to me and calls the blunt critical remarks "being honest," and "for my own good." She says it's "tough love." Well, I've had enough of tough love in my life. In fact, that's all I EVER experienced, and I don't really appreciate it.

I don't know, Goody... I guess I am becoming more and more miserable. I cry all the time now. It's either I cry or I feel extremely angry because I just can't stand my life anymore. It's not the way it was supposed to be, and I had such great plans and such good intentions, and somehow they all turned out wrong. I am starting to feel like I am living in some unfriendly alternative universe. All my efforts are met with resistance and futility. Whoever I treat with kindness repays me with the opposite. I mean, that ex boyfriend I just mentioned, I used to treat him so well. I took care of him when he was sick, I went to pick him up at the hospital, and I was always there for him. He promised to marry me for years and never delivered. He still calls me sometimes and tells me he loves me and that he knows I am the one for him, and yet he can't even keep his word and keep the plans we had. I must be doing something wrong. Only I don't know how to change, Goody, and I desperately need to change because my life, as is, is unbearable to me.
Re: Toxic friend?
Feb 21, 2005
[QUOTE=SophiaM]But I suspect that no matter what, she would still criticize me. When I was with my fiance and happy, she was the same way. She would say bad things about him, or would say I had small breasts, or whatever. She likes to act as if she were always right. I think on some level she loves to see me miserable and without a boyfriend. She always had this weird competition going on with me because we were both very good students in college and I was the one with a serious boyfriend while she never had any. Deep down she is a very insecure person so she likes to make others, especially me, feel bad about themselves. But she hides it under the guise of being a "good friend" to me and calls the blunt critical remarks "being honest," and "for my own good."[/QUOTE]

Hi Sophia,

Wow, I can totally relate to this--I've had several "best friends" who acted the same way, like they hated me and would love to ruin my life. I could go on and on with stories of how mean they were...but the main thing is, you need to get away from this woman. She has been relentlessly trying to make and keep you miserable for a long time now. Every time I was in your shoes, I'd try to keep the friendship going because after all, "she was my best friend," but she just kept getting worse and worse. It is much better to have no friends than a friend like this--believe me! I really feel for you, as it was easier for me to accomplish this because I always had several good male friends and a supportive, caring BF to support me. This so-called friend is definitely toxic, and I'm pretty sure that you'll never be as happy as you should be with her in your life. There have to be some good female friends out there...that's what I tell myself, anyway. I have one good girl friend, but generally I've been hoping women stop being so spiteful and backstabbing as I get older but am not encouraged so far. Like you, I try to be a nice, good friend, though I can be a bit flaky and usually don't want to be all that sociable. I wish I had better advice for you and could help more...it's really sad to see someone be so hurtful to someone they pretend to like. I hope some of the replies here help you Sophia. You certainly deserve to be happy and find friends and a partner who will make your life happier and bring out all the best in you. I hope this happens soon...but in the meantime, I would strongly suggest that you cut off this "friend" ASAP.

Best wishes,
Stacy





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