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Well here I am, 4 months later after my ex left. The business I work for closes it's doors Saturday. I haven't posted lately because I have been so busy and stressed with all the changes life has brought my way. When me and my ex spoke for the first time after the break up he said he wanted to be friends and that hes here for me...well after that...never heard from him again :rolleyes: He did however provide a reference to a prospective job...odd. I had two choices..work in my field of social services at a head start program OR work with a friend of mine back in the city doing customer service. The head start program barely pays what I've been making the past 2 years and that put me into a lot of debt. I was waiting on my ex, as most of you know, and was planning to move to where he got his teaching job. After days and days with no sleep and anxiety I decided to move back to the big city and work with my friend. I realized that I need to take care of myself financially because I'm the only one taking care of me. This business job pays more than the social service job, the benefits kick in right away, and there is also a high turnover at the headstart job. My heart told me to do the head start job, but logical told me to strap on my boots, pack my stuff and head on back to the city life. It is time to try and make some money and maybe if I get married oneday and have another income to help support myself then I can do what is really in my heart to do. I'm a little worried because the people that I'm moving near can be a bad influence on me and I liked my little bubble here an hour away in the country. But I'm stronger now and it is time to keep on moving.

I won't be living with my parents because after asking them if I could move home, they told me I get on their nerves and all the other wonderful things parents sometimes say when you're already wanting to jump off the cliff. :rolleyes: So I'm going to get an apt. in the same area as them and some of my friends, near my new job. My anxiety is SKY HIGH, I can't eat and I can't sleep. But I've been like this before so I know it is going to be hard (all these changes), but It won't kill me.

I still talk to the FWB...he got me a valentine's gift? :confused: He still gives me mixed messages, but I'm enjoying his company and not getting too attached, or getting my hopes up. I'm trying to live for the present and do the best I can. I'm so scared...I just hope all works out. I'm different now that my ex left. I don't have it in me emotionally to be a case worker for 40 families when I'm barely taking care of myself. It is time to take care of me. Make some money and hopefully find some happiness.

I hate to leave this town. I hate to start a new job that I'm not sure I'll like. I hate that I didn't take the job that I felt was right and surrounded by christians, but it is time and I have to be able to survive and I can't keep going into debt. I hate that my ex lied to me AGAIN about being friends. I hate that my FWB pulls me back with his thoughtfulness everytime I pull away. I hate that we really don't have much control over our lives. I hate that I said I'd never move back to the city and here I am going back. I hope I made the right decision taking this job and moving near my parents and some neg. friends. They are good friends, just have some bad habits. Well, I've already accpeted the job...and I have to keep reminding myself that I need to take care of me FIRST.

I miss my ex and get angry when I have to face this all alone. I was supposed to work my social service job and be engaged and be living with him at this time. Now I'm moving back to the traffic city of the country and the stressful life, enjoying a FWB bartender's company...smoking again...I just hope I'm doing the right thing.

It has been so hard. Thank you all for the great advice and It means more to me than you know. I'm finally making those BIG decisions and hopefully they are the right ones. I'm hanging in there. I'm not crying about my ex anymore and hopefully with my new business job I'll be so busy that life will just fly by these next months and I'll hardly remember him and the life I have here. So theres my update...and thank you all again.
Hey EG--I'm sure it will out work out well, and, for what it's worth, I think you are making the right decision. You do need a change of scenery and the better paying job will put your mind at ease at least as far as finances and health benefits are concerned. First things first. Then, a big city also offers more opportunities of meeting new people and, hopefully, your next boyfriend. It might not seem like it now, but be greatful that you are not friends with your ex. Being friends with him would mean having to listen to his stories about some new chick he's dating, running into that chick hanging on to YOUR man at birthday parties and social events, and having your heart ripped to pieces every time you see them together. As my friend says, In what universe would that be right? I think that makes a lot of sense. It's impossible to be "just friends" with a man whom only four months ago you were hoping to marry. Trust me, it's much better this way. Ruth will tell you the same thing.

Anyway, Elated, just wanted to say Good Luck with everything and let us know how you're doing with the new job and life in a big city. I myself live in a big city and it can be very stressful and sometimes too anonymous and lonely, but overall, being single in the suburbs would probably drive me insane. Look at it as a new, exciting chapter in your life. Lots of hugs to you :angel:





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