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Am I Crazy??
Feb 28, 2005
This is my first time posting on this board. I just dont know who to ask for advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years, we love each other a lot and we often talk about spending our lives together. I used to be confient in my looks and very secure about myself. It all started last year when I caught my b/f looking at pics of women on the internet and lying about it... ever since then, I have become very insecure, to the point where I dont think its normal anymore. Wherever my b/f goes whether its to the gym, grocery store, work, etc, in my head I am ALWAYS thinking "are there any pretty girls that he might be looking at?" Its driving my CRAZY! I have talked to him about it and he always says that he loves me and doesnt look at anyone else. Sometimes I dont even tell him whats going on in my head because Im afraid he'll think I'm im some psycho jealous g/f. I dont want to be like this. I cant stand the thought of him drooling over some other girl and even though I have forgave him for what happened last year, I have never been able to forget about it.
I hardly ever accuse him of looking at someone else because I hate to argue but just today we went shopping and there was a poster of some attractive model, and maybe Im imagining it, but I swear I saw him looking at it twice in a way that I wouldnt notice. When I asked him about it, he just completely freaked out and started yelling at me calling me "retarded" and "crazy" and "not normal". Its so hard talking to him about it when his reaction is like this, HE'S the one that caused me to be so insecure and instead of helping me deal with it he's just making it worse by yelling and getting mad. Am I crazy? Do I need help?? PLEASE PLEASE offer some advice.
Re: Am I Crazy??
Mar 1, 2005
what are you talking about exactly when you say "control" and that men "dont have it"? Control to be faithfull to one woman, or control to never think, look at, talk to, be attracted to another woman again? That will NEVER EVER happens, and you know, maybe if you did get that - totaly obsessive & undivided attention - you wouldnt even want it! I have been on both sides of the fence with feeling insceure and having to deal with an insecure BF, and believe me, when I am with a smothering, controlling guy it takes SOOO much energy out of you to walk on eggshells around them that you are going crazy for a breath of air - no matter how great or attractive he is in other respects. However, when I am the insecure one, it seems like I am being so "devoted" since I never seem to check out other guys, when the truth is, when you are the insecure one, the inbalance of "power" and fear of being hurt overwhelms you SO much that you dont think, care or have time to look at other guys - you are too obsessed with your relationship! It doesnt mean that you are so pious and "faithfull" and that he doesnt care and isnt devoted...its just the role you are playing in a very common bad relationship dynamic. If magicaly you were able to completely get rid of the insecurity and feel confident and relaxed again, there is a good chance your boyfriend would start feeling insecure. I definately have experienced it happening - the swinging back & forth of "upper hand" in relationships, & how your personality/confidence changes according to wher you happen to fall...

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