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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I agree with RealGuy, she's definitely testing the waters. I really think that you should let her know that it is not right to go off and meet some other guys family and take a break with him. It's just not on. She hasn't once thought about your feelings. You're right though, this guy is probably just a novelty because he is saying and doing the right things. In the short term, 8 years will not compete with the excitement of something new (because she knows she can't lose either way, she's fairly safe because if he doesn't work out you will still be there). In the long term though, when the novelty wears off, the 8 years will be invaluable. But why would you have to wait? She is essentially saying that she is prepared to risk the 8 years of your love, and throw it away without a second thought to you.

I understand that you don't want to push her, but it's not doing you any good. Really, how many times do the good guys win? Basically you are just giving her your consent for her to go and test this guy out. I think you should have a talk with her and lay it all out. Tell her that her going off with this guy is unacceptable, especially when your own relationship is having problems.

I also note that you blame so much of yourself for the problems. Please remember that all problems in a relationship are very rarely just one persons fault. Maybe you weren't affectionate enough or whatever, but some people are just like that... and if you really love someone you learn to deal with it. You can't recreate yourself into a puppet to do only what she wants. You are who you are, and loving someone means taking the good with the bad. My bf is not very affectionate either, and it can be frustrating, but you accept that is how he is and I can't change him. No one at all is perfect, and neither is your gf. There could have been other things she could have done to solve any of her issues with you, but instead she chose to go looking outside. So please, you are going through a rough enough time as it is... no need to beat yourself up in the process.

Good luck to you, and try to be a little firmer with her to let her know what is and isn't acceptable in your relationship.
Hi, Bave :wave: I have to say in reading your post that I tend to agree with the other posters in the sense that it is quite obvious, from what you share, that your GF is definitely pursuing this other guy, actively pursuing him. I wouldn't place the fault with the guy....your GF has the choice to stay committed to you or to pursue others and her actions as well as words have clealry indicated that she has chosen the latter.

The trip to NYC...is it alone or with your GF??? If it is with her youshould clearly state that you are committed to her and expect the same of her. If she intends on meeting this other guys family then you will see it otherwise & think it is time to reevaluate your relationship and for her to move out until she figures out what she wants. To do otherwise is only allowing yourself to be used and taken advntage of. I know what I say may hurt....but you seem like a great guy who deserves better than this. please think about what you have been advised and let us know how the weekend goes...Goody :wave:





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