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Please help me....
Mar 1, 2005
This is a long read, but I am in desperate need of help....

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 8 years non stop since high school. We went through college together and have now lived together for four years or so. We built a house 18 months ago and have a dog we both love more than anything.

Recently she started medical school about 6 months ago, and this was a very stressful time for both of us. I had to make sure to get all her bills paid since she could barely work 1 night a week. On top of that her older sister came down with brain cancer and died in november which was hard for her. At the same time she meets a "friend", guy named Frank, at med school. She repeated tells me they are just friends and that he is even gay, but they are talking all the time and almost very affectionately.

Now, our past is a bit tense at times, but good overall. 3 years ago she did have a run in with another man, didn't get far, but I found out seeing an email that lead me to the right conclusion. We talked about it and it stopped there. That took me along time to heal from. Also, I must say that I am not always the best boyfriend. I never really opened up very well and discussed my emotions, never showed her how much I really cared. She always pushed to get married but it was hard due to financial concerns with her going back to school. We were always happy or so I thought.

Since her sister died she has been talking to this Frank more and more. When I ask about it, same old thing "just friends, he's gay". For valentines day I bring her flowers and I try to talk to her about our future, and marriage now that I am financially able to provide that. She tells me she wants kids, never did until then, and I never really thought about it. Kinda shocked me to think about but I did and came to the conclusion that I want children as well, solved right?

Wrong. A couple days after that I find a long list. This list is basically comparing me to this frank. It lists all the good qualities of each of us basically like a comparison shopping list, needless to say my list is much shorter.

When I confront this she tells me she hasn't been happy for years and her sisters death made her doubt her feelings, and that she might be attracted to frank. It then comes out that she is not sure if she is "in love" with me and just "loves me". I know this is due alot to our stress from money and my lack of openness, but at the same time I get the feeling that this Frank is trying to poison the relationship so he can swoop in to pickup the pieces.

After our big confrontation she runs to call him and talk about it. A couple days go by that she just needs to think and she tells me that she isn't sure what she wants to do, but owes me some time to make a decision. I don't know what this means.

I want to rebuild our relationship, I have seen my errors and can learn from them. At the same time though I feel like she is being guided away from me by Frank. I keep trying to do nice things for her and spend time, but she is always busy with school work, but always has time to talk to Frank on the phone.

I was planning a big vacation to try and get closer to her and move towards marriage, but I am just too confused now. After speaking with everyone I can about this alot of people are suggesting getting some counseling for a third party to talk it out with, she has so far refused this.

I don't know what I am doing anymore. I love her more than anything, not because she has been my only girlfriend, but because I just feel its right between us. I am pretty sure she is unsure of this because I am her only boyfriend really, and she might be thinking the grass is greener on the other side. My biggest fear is that she wants to go and explore her life with Frank or another, and then when we both realize that was a mistake it may be too late. I am not sure if I could take her back if that did happen, and I think I would almost have to move away from the area to avoid the heartache.

I try to tell her that all long term relationships have problems, and we can work through this and rebuild, it just takes time and work.

Please help, anything to regain my sanity.

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