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Hello everyone. New here, this is my first post. Hope you can help me.

Well, i've been dating my girlfriend for 3 years as of last week. We are great together. I've been divorced for 4 years (wife cheated on me and is now married to other man), and I have 2 kids with my ex. GF has an 8 year old son who lives with me (we've been living together for 2 years now). I'm 34, she's 26.

So what's the problem you ask? I work for Ford on an assembly line, not glamorous, but it pays well. Over the summer, an opportunity came that I could get someone hired there as well. My GF's worked as a waitress/bartender for years and has struggled financially her entire life. I hated the thought of her working in the plant. She's a very beautiful woman and I knew that every guy in there would be all over her. It's a scary place to work. Wives and Husbands cheat with coworkers constantly... i'm not making it up. It's like a big high school. But, I felt as if I couldn't deny her the opportunity to make some good money as well as the insurance benefits, etc. Everyone I told said that it was the beginning of the end of our relationship. I told her how I felt and she reassured me that she wouldn't get caught up in the drama.

She started 10 weeks ago and was put on afternoon shift... I work days. It sucks, but at least she could get her son off to school and i'll be here when he gets home.

So, about a month ago she calls me around 1:00 am and asks if i'd mind if she went and had a few drinks with 2 girlfriends she hired in with. I told her to go ahead, but don't make it a habit. About a week later, she wakes me up at 3:30am (if she works 8 hours she gets off at 12:30, 10 hours gets her out at 2:30am), she's very talkative and loving. Says she's been doing a lot of thinking and she's been scared lately because 3 years is longer than any relationship she's ever been in... but she now knows that i'm the one for her and she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, yada, yada, yada. I asked her if she'd been drinking. She says "no". I ask how long she worked, she says "10 hours". I dropped it, but just had a feeling.

The next morning I explained to a friend about what we talked about and told him, "I swear she was drunk though... i'm half tempted to go check her time sheet"(in every dept. they post how many hours you've worked, so you can double check and make sure everythings ok.). But, I said I wasn't going to because I didn't want to start being insecure, etc. The next day, that friend tells me he went and looked and she only worked 8 hours. I confront her and she finally admits she went out for "a drink" with her girlfriend and didn't tell me because she didn't want to upset me. I have never given her a reason to be afraid to tell me anything.

Still with me? I warned you it was long :eek:
So, everything's forgiven and we go out to a local bar 2 weekends ago where my friends band was playing. Lots of coworker's were there. Her "drinking buddy", who i've never met was there with her mom whom i've worked with for 12 years. By the end of the night, we all have a good 'buzz' on and her friend starts telling me that I can do so much better than my GF. I have been insecure about her supervisor because he's known as a "ladies man"(had quite a few of 'em out there, is my understanding.) I ask her friend if she's referring to him and she tells me:"all i'm gonna say is... check your cell phone bill and when i've gone out for drinks with her, after she drops me off, I don't know where she goes." I bite my tongue until we get home and I question her about him. We get into a fight... you know the one... i'm jealous, i'm paranoid, over protective, etc. She starts packing her bags and admits that there was some flirting going on, but that's it. She unpacks and we go to bed. Next day she admits calling him one time (the night she came home and expressed her love to me). I ask her repeatedly, have you ever met up with him after work for drinks or anything... NO. Have you called him more than once... NO.

2 days later I get my cell phone bill. Between January 25 and Feb. 6, she called/he called 23 times. We fight. It's very hurtful. Looking back, she called him while we were out a different time watching my friends band... while we were together. She called him while at work so no one would see them talking face to face, they'd talk on the cell phones. Some calls were at 1,2,3 am. She swears to me that it was stupid, she got scared and ended it Feb. 10... the day he got fired... different story. I kept questioning whether they had ever been physical and she was always adimant that they had not, nor had they ever met outside of work... it was just talking and flirting. She even encouraged me to call him. I said, "For all I know, you called him tonight to match your stories and he's waiting for me to call. Why don't you call him while i'm secretly on the other line and we'll see what happens". She would not. To the point that she once again, packed her bags... but she didn't leave.

Almost done guys, sorry.
The next day, I decided to take her up on her offer... I called him. I told him that if he was honest with me, he'd never hear from me again... but, if he wasn't, he will have made an enemy for life... and she wasn't worth having me for an enemy :eek: I asked him when the last time they talked was. Last night she told me you found out. Have you ever met outside of work? Yes, once for drinks at a bar only a mile from my house. Had they ever been intimate... NO! He swore they hadn't. I came home and told her. She asked what he said and I told her, "you know what he told me. So, what did he tell me?" She wouldn't admit nothing!!! "Did he tell you we phucked?" Why would he tell me that, I say. Finally she admits to having drinks one night.

I gave her so many opportunities to come clean and tell me the truth, and she never did. How could she look me in the eyes so lovingly, so honestly, so sincere... and lie!!! Over and over again. I still don't know what to believe about the intimacy. I want to believe that they weren't, but she lied about everything else. Is she still lying? It's consuming every waking moment for the last week. I have to know. She's been very apologetic and swears that if I let her make it up to me, she'll spend the rest of her life regaining my trust.

Folks, i've given her everything. She's moved into my home. I take care of her son every night. I shower her with gifts. I've given her my heart and soul. My ex is moving my kids to Florida(I live in Indy) at the end of the month and it's going to devastate me. Now, more than ever, I needed her and she's catering to someone else's needs. How can I forgive her? How can I trust her again? The only reason i'm even considering trying to make this work is because when we're good, we're great. She's my best friend. She's always adored me... everyone always says they get tired of hearing her sing my praises. Our kids love each other and they love us. She's been bugging me for 2 years to marry her... but i'm scared of marriage. My ex really scarred me with what she put me through, and this brings it all back. She knew how badly i'd been hurt in the past, and she betrayed me too. I was really starting to get comfortable with the thought of marriage again and she picked up on that. She said that it scared her. She's the one who's been bugging me about it.

I'm so confused right now. My friends are so mad at me for even trying to forgive her. They saw how devastated I was in the past. I do want to get over this. But, I honestly don't know if I can. I'll always wonder if they had sex. I'll always wonder if she's being honest. I'm crushed. I'm shattered. I'm worn. Thanks for reading. I'm sorry it was sooo long. Please, you made it this far... any advice?
Thanks.





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