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Hello everyone. New here, this is my first post. Hope you can help me.

Well, i've been dating my girlfriend for 3 years as of last week. We are great together. I've been divorced for 4 years (wife cheated on me and is now married to other man), and I have 2 kids with my ex. GF has an 8 year old son who lives with me (we've been living together for 2 years now). I'm 34, she's 26.

So what's the problem you ask? I work for Ford on an assembly line, not glamorous, but it pays well. Over the summer, an opportunity came that I could get someone hired there as well. My GF's worked as a waitress/bartender for years and has struggled financially her entire life. I hated the thought of her working in the plant. She's a very beautiful woman and I knew that every guy in there would be all over her. It's a scary place to work. Wives and Husbands cheat with coworkers constantly... i'm not making it up. It's like a big high school. But, I felt as if I couldn't deny her the opportunity to make some good money as well as the insurance benefits, etc. Everyone I told said that it was the beginning of the end of our relationship. I told her how I felt and she reassured me that she wouldn't get caught up in the drama.

She started 10 weeks ago and was put on afternoon shift... I work days. It sucks, but at least she could get her son off to school and i'll be here when he gets home.

So, about a month ago she calls me around 1:00 am and asks if i'd mind if she went and had a few drinks with 2 girlfriends she hired in with. I told her to go ahead, but don't make it a habit. About a week later, she wakes me up at 3:30am (if she works 8 hours she gets off at 12:30, 10 hours gets her out at 2:30am), she's very talkative and loving. Says she's been doing a lot of thinking and she's been scared lately because 3 years is longer than any relationship she's ever been in... but she now knows that i'm the one for her and she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, yada, yada, yada. I asked her if she'd been drinking. She says "no". I ask how long she worked, she says "10 hours". I dropped it, but just had a feeling.

The next morning I explained to a friend about what we talked about and told him, "I swear she was drunk though... i'm half tempted to go check her time sheet"(in every dept. they post how many hours you've worked, so you can double check and make sure everythings ok.). But, I said I wasn't going to because I didn't want to start being insecure, etc. The next day, that friend tells me he went and looked and she only worked 8 hours. I confront her and she finally admits she went out for "a drink" with her girlfriend and didn't tell me because she didn't want to upset me. I have never given her a reason to be afraid to tell me anything.

Still with me? I warned you it was long :eek:
So, everything's forgiven and we go out to a local bar 2 weekends ago where my friends band was playing. Lots of coworker's were there. Her "drinking buddy", who i've never met was there with her mom whom i've worked with for 12 years. By the end of the night, we all have a good 'buzz' on and her friend starts telling me that I can do so much better than my GF. I have been insecure about her supervisor because he's known as a "ladies man"(had quite a few of 'em out there, is my understanding.) I ask her friend if she's referring to him and she tells me:"all i'm gonna say is... check your cell phone bill and when i've gone out for drinks with her, after she drops me off, I don't know where she goes." I bite my tongue until we get home and I question her about him. We get into a fight... you know the one... i'm jealous, i'm paranoid, over protective, etc. She starts packing her bags and admits that there was some flirting going on, but that's it. She unpacks and we go to bed. Next day she admits calling him one time (the night she came home and expressed her love to me). I ask her repeatedly, have you ever met up with him after work for drinks or anything... NO. Have you called him more than once... NO.

2 days later I get my cell phone bill. Between January 25 and Feb. 6, she called/he called 23 times. We fight. It's very hurtful. Looking back, she called him while we were out a different time watching my friends band... while we were together. She called him while at work so no one would see them talking face to face, they'd talk on the cell phones. Some calls were at 1,2,3 am. She swears to me that it was stupid, she got scared and ended it Feb. 10... the day he got fired... different story. I kept questioning whether they had ever been physical and she was always adimant that they had not, nor had they ever met outside of work... it was just talking and flirting. She even encouraged me to call him. I said, "For all I know, you called him tonight to match your stories and he's waiting for me to call. Why don't you call him while i'm secretly on the other line and we'll see what happens". She would not. To the point that she once again, packed her bags... but she didn't leave.

Almost done guys, sorry.
The next day, I decided to take her up on her offer... I called him. I told him that if he was honest with me, he'd never hear from me again... but, if he wasn't, he will have made an enemy for life... and she wasn't worth having me for an enemy :eek: I asked him when the last time they talked was. Last night she told me you found out. Have you ever met outside of work? Yes, once for drinks at a bar only a mile from my house. Had they ever been intimate... NO! He swore they hadn't. I came home and told her. She asked what he said and I told her, "you know what he told me. So, what did he tell me?" She wouldn't admit nothing!!! "Did he tell you we phucked?" Why would he tell me that, I say. Finally she admits to having drinks one night.

I gave her so many opportunities to come clean and tell me the truth, and she never did. How could she look me in the eyes so lovingly, so honestly, so sincere... and lie!!! Over and over again. I still don't know what to believe about the intimacy. I want to believe that they weren't, but she lied about everything else. Is she still lying? It's consuming every waking moment for the last week. I have to know. She's been very apologetic and swears that if I let her make it up to me, she'll spend the rest of her life regaining my trust.

Folks, i've given her everything. She's moved into my home. I take care of her son every night. I shower her with gifts. I've given her my heart and soul. My ex is moving my kids to Florida(I live in Indy) at the end of the month and it's going to devastate me. Now, more than ever, I needed her and she's catering to someone else's needs. How can I forgive her? How can I trust her again? The only reason i'm even considering trying to make this work is because when we're good, we're great. She's my best friend. She's always adored me... everyone always says they get tired of hearing her sing my praises. Our kids love each other and they love us. She's been bugging me for 2 years to marry her... but i'm scared of marriage. My ex really scarred me with what she put me through, and this brings it all back. She knew how badly i'd been hurt in the past, and she betrayed me too. I was really starting to get comfortable with the thought of marriage again and she picked up on that. She said that it scared her. She's the one who's been bugging me about it.

I'm so confused right now. My friends are so mad at me for even trying to forgive her. They saw how devastated I was in the past. I do want to get over this. But, I honestly don't know if I can. I'll always wonder if they had sex. I'll always wonder if she's being honest. I'm crushed. I'm shattered. I'm worn. Thanks for reading. I'm sorry it was sooo long. Please, you made it this far... any advice?
Thanks.
Edved, just because she doesn't see this coming doesn't mean it's not right for you to leave her and move on with your life. It's clear that there is no more trust there and that you can and will do a lot better in the future in that you'll find a more mature, appreciative, understanding, compromising, honest, and trustworthy woman to love, just as you deserve :). For what it's worth, I didn't really see my recent breakup coming, but I know my ex was contemplating it for several months before officially and permanently left. I'm honestly glad that he let me know as soon as possible so that I could make a clean break from him and move on independently. It would have been a lot more tougher and a lot longer period of prolonged, nearly constant main that I would have suffered if Patrick had led me on or in any way deluded me into keeping my hopes up that there was a chance for us to reconcile. But I decided that any person who can consider living without me and find that idea appealing enough to actually take a break from me doesn't love me like I want and deserve to be loved. If you can't trust the person you love to forsake all others and remain faithful for you until she dies, then you are deffinitely doing the best thing by ending your relationship with the woman in question. Edved, I truly, seriously believe that you deserve to be happily and contently devoted to loving an honest, open, upfront, affectionate, and adoring woman who has no issues that prevent her from expressing and demonstrating her love for you frequently and playfully. I used to have a somewhat overlapping chain of steady boyfriends, and I displayed all the same attitudes and behaviors as your girlfriend is. Unfortunately, I completely agree with the conclusions you've drawn and am hopeful that you're able to move on without a great deal of pain to someone who will never risk your happiness and disparage your trust by getting involved in any way--the actual details aren't that important or healthy for you to know, in my opinion, so I'd leave that alone, but be sure that your interests and property is recognized as such by appearing at the auctions and whenever city officials decide anything relevant.

I am suffering a heartbreak myself and my best advice is just to try to keep your kind sharp and clear enough to ensure that she doesn't escape with any property or money that isn't hers to take. Don't expect too much from yourself--you'll know when you feel up to resuming your usual responsibilities and workload. But please don't try to rush the healing process, because I believe that you'll end up suffering through a eelonger and more painful rehabilitation period than you would have otherwise if you were patient and allowed yourself sufficient time and space mourn. At the same time, don't allow yourself or wallow or dwell in happy memories of your past relationship for any longer than absolutely necessary. You will be much happier and recover more quickly if you're able to keep your sense of humor about your loss alive and well :jester:. If you must think of the past, try to focus as much as possible about your ex (and his friends and family)'s annoying traits and the aspects of your past relationship that you are extremely relieved forever. It really does seem that every love story has some obstacles and difficult stretches along the way which can be terribly painful until that particular person finds the love of his/her life and realizes that all her past experiences and lessons learned happened for a reason and led her to the man of her dreams who was finally the right one--he never questioned his desire and commitment to spend his life with his girlfriend. Surprisingly enough, Edved, and contrary to most people's instincts and assumptions, the best way to handle a breakup between two people who care deeply for each other is as quick, thorough, and clean as possible--just like pulling off a Band-Aid. Holding out any lingering hopes that you will successfully reconcile or that she will magically realize that she made a huge mistake and come running back and begging for forgiveness is unfortunately quite unrealistic and highly unlikely to actually prove true. Edved, while I know there are moments of happiness that remind you of happier, more content and peaceful times you've shared with your girlfriend in the past, ultimately this relationship seems to be tormenting you and making you more miserable than anything else in your life. If you are certain that you can't trust her anymore and have lost hope of a happy, unlimited future with your GF, then I really think the best thing to do is make a clean and complete break with her ASAP, out of respect and concern for the feelings of both of you...I really hope that no matter what happens, that you'll always be brave and do what is best for you, rather than keeping your plans quiet because you think it will be easier on your GF.

My ex popped our breakup on me right after I woke up thinking that we were so lucky to be happy again together, then he held me and told me that he was incredibly sorry and guilty, but that he just couldn't stay in the relationship anymore because he was completely miserable and clueless about what and how he could make himself happy. I'm still heartbroken and feeling like my true love and best friend was suddenly ripped away from me...but I am also making a strong effort to be as positive as possible and focus on future opportunities with a wide variety of hot and cute guys ;). Honestly, if you feel like the trust is completely gone, the only thing you have left is control over your dignity and your decisions (and focus) from here on out, and the more you can focus on the positive opportunities in your future rather than mourning your past with this girl. Remember, she is the one who deliberately and consciously chose to endanger your relationship despite your considerable generousity when it comes to understanding and forgiveness. You are fortunate in that the ability to move on and get past this unpleasant and disheartening situation as quickly as possible is within your reach. You do and certainly can control the way you view the past--of course it's difficult to stop thinking of a particular relationship when you're still involved with that person, but it's still best to focus on your negative thoughts and relief that you will no longer have to deal with her most exasperating, annoying qualities and associates. Also, instead of dwelling on the past anymore than absolutely necessary, please call on your close family and friends for support to make you feel great!! I would love to take care of myself and be completely umfazed and productive throughout this experience, so I'm not too disappointed so far. I can't help but worry about my ex's sensitive and easily devestated tendencies now that I am feeling a lot stronger and mostly back on his feet. Even though he's seen it coming for months longer than I have and I should have realized that his family would eventually succeed in separating us so they could have Patrick all to themslves and entirely dependent on their whims and control, it still seems surprising that no matter what happened, that I was shocked and taken aback when he left me for good :confused:. Please try your best to avoid making the same mistakes Patrick and I did despite the fact that we still love and care very deeply for each other...the best way to split from someone you still adore while your heart is breaking and being ripped out of your chest. Edved, I really think that this relationship holds only an extremely slim opportunity for you to be content and fulfilled by your current partner...I don't like to tell people what to do, but I think you have decided on your own that you'd ultimately be happier and better off without your current GF in your life. I wish you all the best of luck in making positive changes in your life if you're not currently happy...even if it seems impossibly tough to move on and go back to being alone, there is no loneliness worse than being trapped in a relationship with someone you no longer trust and barely love...I just think that the sooner you break it to your GF and move on, the better off everyone will be. But I will be hoping things turn out for the best, whatever that happens to mean!! Take care and hang in there...:)





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