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[QUOTE=bave]Need more info.

Why is he a jerk? How long have you been together? Does his mistreat you? Does he cheat on you?

Generally I would say that you need to talk to him. But that is assuming he genuinely cares for you, is mature enough to handle it, and can listen. Can't just say that you want more, but need to say you NEED more and its not negotiable and he at least needs to make a real effort.[/QUOTE]

we have been together 2 1/2 years...living together 1.
we are sort of on a break right now...he is staying with his parents at their vacation home for the next couple of months as we have been having problems.
we have talked soooo mcuh and it seems like there is no end to it.
the only thing left is to spend time apart... we are still in contact..he phones everyday....i discovered that he posted his profile on an online dating site looking for people in the area where is staying....this makes me super angry but i dont want to let him know i know...as the evidence was collected in an unethical way... and we are technically on a break....i just dont know what to say when he phones....i usually end up crying so i have started ignoring his calls...i feel like he thinks he can always just come back to me no matter what... we are supposed to reconvene in a month and spend some time together to decide once and for all if we are going to be together....in the meantime i just want some suggestion on how to make him realize he misses me and cant live without me.
I guess I could be a bit more specific--psycho stalker in that he suddenly didnt want me around other men. I worked and went to school and it drove him nuts to think of me around guys all day. I guess it was ok back when he didnt really think of me as pretty or confident, but when he realized HE liked all those things about me and thought I was good looking, other guys must think so as well...

I was with this guy, on and off, for years. I met him at a low point--I was 16 and a skinny little thing with NO confidence, having a bad time in my life. We had an unhealthy, miserable little relationship and after about a year, he moved away. His friends always asked him why he loved me because I wasnt exactly a catch or anything. He on the other hand was physically ideal, at least in my head. tall, blonde, athletic. I was one of those people that you could look at and just see the insecurity wafting off of me in waves...

He moved back, we hooked up, he found someone hotter, moved away again, kept coming back to me and finally I moved away with him. I practically worshipped this guy and he really said he loved me, and in a way, I think he did. I got pregnant and things got ugly and when I was 7 months preggers, I left him. Well, kind of. He was having fun and not exactly there for me, so I cut him loose. I secretly hoped he would come back saying I was having his baby and he loved me too much to let me do it alone, but of course he didnt. He found new girlfriends and I got to be the undesirable single mom.

I did the single mom thing for a couple of years, we lived in the same relatively small town and from time to time I would see him somewhere or hear about him. I was so angry. I was miserable. I was caring for a baby, going to school, working, and hating him for not being there. I finally contacted him in kind of a nice way--I sent a note to his work saying I wanted him to call me and he did. We met after that, and rekindled the relationship. My daughter had just turned 2 and didnt know him.

I decided I would get him back,and either stay with him or hurt him like he did me by making him want me more than ever and then ditching him. Well, somewhere along the line, I decided to stay with him because I still wanted him. I blossomed alot during that time. I dont know what it was exactly but I lost my anger and resentment (which was so palpable I swear you could SEE it when you looked at me) and gradually came to feel alot better about myself. I began taking an interest in my appearance, and just kind of evolved over a period of time. He noticed, loved it, and began constantly telling me he loved me, I was beautiful (never heard that before!!) and he wanted to marry me.

I felt really good about myself, and stopped being the insecure girlfriend i used to be. It made him the man I always wanted him to be. His friends thought I was hot and he was proud. I became something he owned, and he became insecure. I stopped caring so much about what he thought of me, as I felt like I was finally worth something. He noticed that too and got hideously posessive, adn the more he did that, the more I withdrew. I guess I acheived my ultimate goal of hurting him back, but by that time, I truly didnt want to hurt him. I just wanted to get out in one piece. I knew him for a long time, and we had a daughter together, and I was empathetic enough to feel sorry for him. He finally moved away again (he seems to do that alot!) and I started dating my now-husband. He came back one last time and contacted me and I told him I had moved on and was getting married. He was so furious and threatened me in ways that terrified me and after that, he went away again and it was all over.

So, in relation to your situation, confidence won him back. And the more I grew and blossomed, the more I pulled away, and the more he chased me and wanted me. I also think that the confidence and independence I developed during that time led me to my husband. When you are in a good place with yourself and are really living your life, things tend to come to you...

Those times that you feel low and want desperately to have someone, have you noticed, those are not the times you find love? Whenever I look back on things, I realize most of those cliches are true, though they seem so simple at the time.



Loooong story, but I guess its the classic watch-what-you-wish-for-it-may-come-back-and-bite-you-in-the-rear story. :angel:
[QUOTE=juicylicious]we have been together 2 1/2 years...living together 1.
we are sort of on a break right now...he is staying with his parents at their vacation home for the next couple of months as we have been having problems.
we have talked soooo mcuh and it seems like there is no end to it.
the only thing left is to spend time apart... we are still in contact..he phones everyday....i discovered that he posted his profile on an online dating site looking for people in the area where is staying....this makes me super angry but i dont want to let him know i know...as the evidence was collected in an unethical way... and we are technically on a break....i just dont know what to say when he phones....i usually end up crying so i have started ignoring his calls...i feel like he thinks he can always just come back to me no matter what... we are supposed to reconvene in a month and spend some time together to decide once and for all if we are going to be together....in the meantime i just want some suggestion on how to make him realize he misses me and cant live without me.[/QUOTE]


why why why do you put urself through this? is it worth it? is he the most wonderful man in the world that he can make you feel like crap all the time? there are guys out there who arent jerks, you gotta look for them but they are there, i promise!! id say leave him for good and get on with your life!!





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