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[QUOTE=ScruffyGuy]You have an excuse for everything, it appears.

The examples I listed of some of the many ways you could have handled this situation differently are just that -- examples. There are many OTHER ways you could have dealt with it, too. The point is that your behavior WAS, in fact, inappropriate.

But you won't admit that. You just make excuses.

Therefore you will gain nothing from the help of the folks here. Pretty much you want to be told that you are right, that you did nothing wrong, that your boyfriend is at fault and that you hold no responsibility for what happened.

Hmmph! "Girls and their egos!"

Men aren't the only ones with egos. Tell you what -- save this thread and print it out. Go back and read it in two or three years when you have matured somewhat. Then consider the issue of ego once more.

You want your boyfriend to come and rescue you, but you don't want to have to GO GET HIM, you don't want the two of them to fight, you ASSUME that the drunk guy is going to get violent (you make a blanket statement that men are apt to get violent when drunk), you don't want to be insulting to SOME DUDE but IT SEEMS IT IS OK FOR YOU TO ACCEPT HIS ROSE AND SHOVE THE ULTIMATE INSULT RIGHT IN YOUR BOYFRIENDS FACE!!!

THAT is some messed-up priorities -- you can't "insult" a stranger but you CAN insult your boyfriend, whom you claim you love so deeply.

I'm not buying it for an instant.

Time to grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Time to eat some humble pie and a side order of crow and APOLOGIZE.

And yes, it IS completely UNACCEPTABLE behavior to do what you did.

UNINTENTIONAL FLIRTING IS STILL FLIRTING.

Why not see the scene as it played out in your boyfriend's eyes? What did it look like to HIM?

You are trying to tell me that you could not have come up with some sort of polite and dignified means to remove yourself from this situation? Every possible method I gave to you you shot down. If I list even more ways in which you could have DONE THE RIGHT THING, you will shoot those down, too. You are taking hypotheticals and making excuses even for that which DID NOT ACTUALLY HAPPEN!

THAT is wild. You want to make excuses for stuff that never even happened. Hey, may as well -- you are making excuses for what DID happen -- it gets easier and easier to convince YOURSELF that you had NO OTHER OPTIONS when you find excuse after excuse after excuse, doesn't it?

Eh. I give up. Until you admit your mistake, there's no way to help you. Clearly, you want to believe you did no wrong -- you have been "misunderstood" by your boyfriend's horrible male ego.

OK, then. Go ahead and think that. It will ease the guilt for you -- but it won't get your boyfriend back.

If you can admit your mistake, then maybe we can talk about WHY HE CHEATS. Better yet, WHY YOU FORGIVE HIM FOR CHEATING and why you WANT TO BE WITH A MAN WHO CHEATS.

This relationship needs a LOT of work -- and you are HALF of the problem.[/QUOTE]

I don't know Scruffy--I usually agree with your insightful posts, but in this case I don't think the original poster was making excuses so much as refuting certain unfounded assumptions that apparently both you and her ex made. I really don't think she did anything wrong...nearly every time my BF and I go out, some drunk loser guys try to hit on me and my best friend, who along with her BF often comes out with us. We usually just laugh it off and try to ignore them, and neither of our BFs ever get upset or blame us. Just because a drunk guy won't take no for an answer doesn't mean she wanted his attention, that she was flirting, that she gets into these situations often, etc. It just means he was being a stupid drunk and making a fool of himself by pestering a girl who clearly wasn't interested. Quite frankly, I'm shocked that your BF reacted the way he did--clearly there are some other issues in your relationship, because I just can't imagine a normal guy who was happy with his GF blowing this so completely out of proportion. Sorry guys, but guys hit on girls regardless of whether or not the girls are available or interested--it just demonstrates that the guys are stubborn and dense and does not reveal anything negative about the girl. To me, the poster's ex seems either incredibly jealous, insecure, and way too easily threatened OR he was just looking for any excuse to break things off. Neither option casts him in a favorable light--personally, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with an insecure guy, and I definitely wouldn't want to be with someone who would break up with me over something so silly instead of having the courage to address whatever is really bothering him and try to work things out. I really feel for the woman who started this thread, and I think she deserves a lot better than the ex she described. To throw away a relationship of 3-4 years over her accepting a flower to get some drunk guy to leave her alone seems really bizarre--I just can't believe that's the only reason for his decision to end things. But regardless, if it's really over, I think he did you a favor, because a guy like that is quite unlikely to be able to sustain a happy, healthy relationship over the long term. I really hope the poster is doing better and moving on...please keep us posted and don't hesitate to rely on the people here for support.





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