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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Having sex right away worked for me and my wonderful partner Patrick of 3+ years...our respective roommates tried to manipulate us into not getting together, but the chemistry was instant and by the end of the first night we met, we were cuddling, hugging, and grinding together. I would have loved to kiss him and even spend the night, but my roommate was glaring at me (she had a crush on Patrick and didn't want me anywhere near him, even though she was dating Patrick's roommate, who felt the same way and forbade Patrick from moving in on me). Nonetheless, we were like magnets--we wanted to see each other all the time and when we did, we needed to be constantly touching each other. To appease the roommates, we held out on sex for almost two weeks, which felt like a lifetime! I was dying to get Patrick into bed from the moment I first saw him smiling at me as I walked into his apartment. We have an amazing, committed relationship that has been great from the start, and we've been living together since a few weeks after we met. I would have DEFINITELY slept with him the first night we met if we had been alone, and it wouldn't have changed our relationship one iota. When you find the right person, and the chemistry, affection, intrigue, passion, emotional and intellectual connections, humor, comfort, familiarity and attraction are all there--why wait? In my opinion, I'd be very concerned if I could wait indefinitely to sleep with a guy--that would mean there wasn't of a spark between us. Anyway, I don't think you can ruin a relationship by having sex too early--if it does happen, the relationship wouldn't have lasted anyway. I've always been this way and unlike most girls I know, I've had half a dozen committed, devoted, loving long-term (like a few years) boyfriends. I'm in my mid-twenties, by the way. Please don't stress out and worry that you did something wrong...if this guy really cares for you and you care for him, everything will work out as long as you treat him with kindness, honesty, and respect. Nothing else is worth stressing over, and doing so could jeopardize the stability and happiness of your relationship. I also wouldn't advocate saying "I love you" before he does--I never would, because I think that it forever screws up the balance of power in the relationship. However, I'm also much more forceful than most people about standing up for equality in relationships at all costs. In any event, I hope things keep going well between you and your BF--good luck! :)

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