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[QUOTE=SophiaM]Nini, thanks for starting a new thread. Funny you mentioned the "pining for ex" part. I just got back from a date with a not-yet-divorced guy. I had a good conversation but he's totally not my type. I met him before, as you might recall but never even considered him in this light since he was married. So now I know, he's definitely not my type and I would never be able to kiss him or anything. I miss my ex boyfriend so much, almost to the point of physical pain. I was so into him and I had this connection with him which I can't seem to get with anyone anymore. I want to kiss him and touch him, and make love to him. I am just not attracted to anyone else. The more guys I meet, the more I realize that I just want to be with him and nobody else. And yet, he obviously doesn't miss me since he hasn't called in nearly three months. See, Nini, how can this be so? How can we think these guys were "the one" for us if they are completely fine without us? Mine is not married at least, so I still have some hope. But, my question is, how could we be SO wrong? How could our guts and intuition be so wrong? Some people said that they just had a feeling this person was for them and they did end up marrying that person they felt so strongly about. Well, I feel more and more strongly that this one ex boyfriend of mine is the one for me, but he's not trying to get in touch with me. I feel like I'm going crazy and can no longer trust my feelings and perceptions. Maybe someone who I should be with is actually a guy I'm physically repulsed by? :eek: If only the thought of it didn't make me so unhappy. I think I am completely at a loss. Right now I feel pretty depressed and really sick of dating. I just can't do it anymore.

So what happened with the guy who you were sort of interested in? Did he ask for your number?[/QUOTE]


Oh Sophia, I just don't know. :confused: If we're so wrong, then why are we so bloody unhappy without these guys? Finding happiness on your own, I just sort of feel, been there done that, you know? Out of 40 years of life, I've only had 2 that weren't spent almost totally alone, or at least that's how it felt. I'm just sick and tired of it. I don't get the point of a life lived alone anymore, and I don't even want to. I know what you mean, missing your ex, his arms, kissing him, holding him, etc. I hope it doesn't hurt for you quite as badly as it hurts for me. I'd really hate to think of anyone in the world feeling this bad. But since you were the one who told him not to call again, have you considered contacting him? Have you really done a lot of soul searching and learning the lessons about the part you may have played in things going wrong? Was he really a jerk? If I had known then what I know now, I think I probably would have contacted my ex before he met the elephant, or at least before he shacked up with her, and just laid it on the line, where I went wrong, what I didn't get from him but wished I had, and how I still felt about him. I did the "moving on" thing, colored my hair, bought some new clothes, started going out, threw myself into work and my music, bound and determined to move on and get over him. HA! Fat lot of good it did. But all that time, I think way back in the dark recesses of my mind, I always believed we were meant to be together, and one day we would find our way back to each other. Maybe I just have a really unrealistic view of love, but I always imagined having a Paul and Linda McCartney, Pat Benatar/Neal Geraldo, Johnny and June Carter Cash kind of thing. Partners in every sense of the word, together almost every minute, after decades of being together, still holding hands, totally devoted to one another until one of them dies. June and Johnny Cash even died in the same year, that's how much they couldn't live without each other. I always dreamed I'd get to have that. I don't know if we just have to change our view of romance, or if we just have to try harder to "move on," or if we were just destined to love someone we can't be with. I have no idea how much of it is in our hands, and how much is in God's. But one thing I do know, no matter what I do, I'll always have a hole in my heart until and unless I have someone to love. As politically incorrect that is to say these days, it's just true. I'll never feel really, completely happy and fulfilled alone. That's simply not who I am, and it never will be. The best I can hope for is doing my best to endure a life I really don't want to live, and that doesn't sound too exciting to me.
Anyway, sorry I got off track a little, but why I was asking about how much sould searching you've done about your ex and where it ran into the ditch, have you considered contacting your ex, maybe just one last time, to just lay it all on the table about what you did wrong, what you think you could do better, and what you needed from him, and how you still feel, and let the chips fall where they will? If I could rewind time 7 years, I think maybe I would have done this with my ex. Maybe it might not have been such a good idea with me, since he dumped me 3 times and obviously never really gave a crap about me, but if you think your ex ever really loved you, maybe it's something you might consider, just so you can say "I was honest, I laid it all on the line, and I have no regrets." Normally, I wouldn't suggest going back to an ex who has dumped you. But if you still feel this strongly about it, maybe it's worth examining one more time? Could you live with it if he looks at you and says "eh, no thanks." I don't know, what do you think?
nini, i know it's easier said than done, but 40 doesn't have to be a death sentence. lately i feel surrounded by exactly the opposite sentiment, in fact. my brother, who is 37, is dating a 53-yr.-old. my 41-yr.-old friend just moved in with her 27-yr.-old boyfriend. my other 34-yr.-old friend is dating a 22-yr.-old guy, and she has 2 young kids! the most amazing of these anecdotes is my co-worker: she's 53, married to a 41-yr.-old (and has been for only 9 months; it's her first marriage), and before she married him, she dated a man 8 years younger, and before HIM, a guy 16 years younger! she looks amazing, and says she couldn't be happier.

please try not to get too hung up on a number. holidays, birthdays, all of these things- they can only mean something horrible if we let them. a woman i know was feeling depressed over thanksgiving, so she went to england- because to the english it's just another day! sometimes that seems like a good route to take, theoretically!
[QUOTE=opielonghorn]nini, i know it's easier said than done, but 40 doesn't have to be a death sentence. lately i feel surrounded by exactly the opposite sentiment, in fact. my brother, who is 37, is dating a 53-yr.-old. my 41-yr.-old friend just moved in with her 27-yr.-old boyfriend. my other 34-yr.-old friend is dating a 22-yr.-old guy, and she has 2 young kids! the most amazing of these anecdotes is my co-worker: she's 53, married to a 41-yr.-old (and has been for only 9 months; it's her first marriage), and before she married him, she dated a man 8 years younger, and before HIM, a guy 16 years younger! she looks amazing, and says she couldn't be happier.

please try not to get too hung up on a number. holidays, birthdays, all of these things- they can only mean something horrible if we let them. a woman i know was feeling depressed over thanksgiving, so she went to england- because to the english it's just another day! sometimes that seems like a good route to take, theoretically![/QUOTE]


Oh Lord!! A first marriage at 53??!! What's the friggin' point!? No, goodness, with respect, if I have to wait till 53, when life is almost over, to have a little happines, God, just put a bullet in my brain right now!!





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