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Relationship Health Message Board

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Hey guys - wow, haven't been around in 3 whole pages! I'm glad others are getting some valuable things from this thread as well.

Snails - Thanks for the great, long post. I think you're right, I do bounce back and forth regarding what happened, I guess because I'm just so da** confused. I really have no idea what happened. Whether he really cared about me, or loved me, or what I just don't know. One minute he's all lovey dovey, then I said something about Karma, and he said "What? You believe in karma?!" I said "well, I think sometimes our bad behavior does have a way of coming back to get us, yeah." And he was all cold to me for the rest of the night. About 3 months in, he says he loves me and wants me to say it back, so I go through a week of soul searching to see if I'm ready to say it back, decide I am, and when I do, that's when he tells me he doesn't love me anymore. I say "well, just last week you said you loved me and wanted me to say it back" and he says "I don't want to overanalyze everything to death!" Then for the next two or three weeks, it's "I'm fond of you, I care about you." Then when I got to a point of "well, I love you, and if you don't love me anymore, then we may as well call it a day" then he's "oh, yes, I love you" again. Then he wants space, then he doesn't. Then he breaks up with me. Then 2 months later he's "I don't know what I was thinking, I'm so sorry I put you through it" then three weeks later, he dumps me again. And on and on. God I just feel so played, and so stupid. I wish I'd never met him. Ever since I was about 11 or 12 years old, I just always had a feeling I'd never find love and I would grow old alone, even though that's the one thing I feared the most, and still do, but I think my intuition is right. I'm just going to be alone. the truth is, I don't even want to look at other men or date or anything. The thought of trying to develop feelings for some random guy I pick up of some dating site makes me ill. I don't know who messed up, him or me, or both, or if it was never meant to be, or if there's really no such thing as "meant to be," that all we get is the choice to stay and make it work or go, and one of us just made the wrong choice, or what, I don't know. I just feel like, he was the only guy who was ever interested enough to even ask me out and take me out on more than one date, and he was the only guy I ever met that I was interested in that liked me back, and he really loved his first girlfriend, and shacked up with the elephant within months of starting to date her, I was the only one he didn't really want, the only one he left and treated with such disrespect, so it must have been me. I must have deserved to be treated that way, that's the only conclusion I can come up with with him sitting in some nice house with a wife he loves and two beautiful step daughters. Maybe he's not blissful, but I think I knew him well enough to know he never would have married her if he hadn't really been happy with her. I'm the loser who 7 years later, turning 40 in two days, still alone and childless with a life that means absolutely nothing to me. So why should I have high hopes of finding this great, wonderful love? It's just stupid. I dont' even really want to move on. Move on to what? What I'd really like to do is just curl up in a little ball under my covers and never come out again. I don't even really laugh anymore. I guess that's why I'm still so stuck.

As far as the on line thing, the one guy I was really hopeful about still hasn't responded to my email, and I got three more hits, none that look really interesting.

Ugh, sorry guys. I guess that's why I haven't been here in a while. I've been feeling like this for a few days now, and don't really have anything positive to contribute and don't really feel in the frame of mind to accept positive support of helpful suggestions, so I thought it best to stay away. But I hope all you gals keep posting and keep supporting each other. Lisa, Sophia, Glamourgal, all you ladies seem to be making strides toward feeling better and looking forward, and I hope you continue.

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