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Re: Insecure me
Mar 13, 2005
[QUOTE=tiggie]I'm afraid I've always been insecure with my partners, but I just don't know how else to behave, for example at a recent party ( which I hate going to) my friend wanted to put on a belly dance performance for everyone. So the 3 of them danced very sexy belly dances in very revealing costumes in front of us. Of course my partner was mesmerized and almost drooling, and I just feel so damn insignificant and terrible. I'm shy and not a extrovert at all ( secretly would love to be), but what happens is I completely shut down from my partner when situations like this happen, thinking well what have I got to offer compared to these girls. I know logically it doesn't make sense but it's an automatice reaction. I know my partner loves me, and would love it if I was probably a sexy belly dancer strutting my stuff, but I end up completely withdrawn and can be like that for days. Meanwhile my partner has no idea what's wrong and I'm always too embarressed to say "because you were probably secretly getting off watching my friends and I pale in comparison"
How can I overcome this. It happens nearly everytime we go out. I know it's a problem with me but does anybody else react like this?

I would get very insecure at times with my ex when we were together. I don't really know how much of it was him just not being as attentive as I thought he should be, and how much was me just being a pouty sourpuss, but I realized since then that his only obligation to me was to treat me with honesty and respect. It wasn't his responsibility to make me feel secure less threatened by prettier women and such. It became a big problem in our relationship and was one of the things that broke us up, I think. You can't rely on another person to help make you feel ok about yourself. I think if youl had a more developed sense of self and more self esteem, this would be less of a problem for you. Perhaps you might want to check out some books on self esteem, or even talk to a counselor or someone about why you feel so threatened and so not ok about being who you are. It's worth looking into, I think.

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