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Relationship Health Message Board


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Ok I dont even know where to start, but I will try to be quick with this one. I have been friends with this girl since we were both 2 years old. We are more like sisters and that definetely is the case when we have our petty fights. Well, we have always been different (I am more outgoing, she lives in a bubble) and for most of our lives it worked out fine, now I think it will for sure ruin us. I have always had boyfriends and she has always resented this. At 22, she has never ever been in a relationship. I feel horrible for her, but she is so insecure and does nothing about it. She is a little overweight and I feel this is the cause of her insecurities about being open to guys. I have tried so many times to get her to do something about her weight. I dragged her to the gym and while I worked out she watched her favorite show on the tv in there. She also had a membership to a womens gym and went ONCE and paid the entire year! You have to drag her to any event where there will be more than me there. She is extremely antisocial. She is also a very difficult person, as if it does not go her way it is the highway. I am so tired of all this. I am a people person and I would love it if she could join in my life, but she doesnt. It has to be just me if we are to ever hang out. I hate it. I will admit that I am always with my bf, but there is a very good reason for that. He is not a girl! I hope I dont offend anyone out there I thought that would be ok to say since I am a girl too. Ok lets see I am totally rambling...My point here is that I am about to throw in the towel with her. There are times I feel that having female friends is more painful than pleasurable. My bf and guy friends are the coolest, drama-free, go with the flow people. Dont get me wrong I love my friend, but it is ALWAYS drama, drama, drama! One time we had plans to do some scrapbooking and all I said was I cant stay too long because I have to do laundry at my parents. Her response, "Then forget it". I cant take it anymore. Is there ANYONE out there that can relate? Please write if you do (even if you dont).
[QUOTE=Sillygrl]Ok I dont even know where to start, but I will try to be quick with this one. I have been friends with this girl since we were both 2 years old. We are more like sisters and that definetely is the case when we have our petty fights. Well, we have always been different (I am more outgoing, she lives in a bubble) and for most of our lives it worked out fine, now I think it will for sure ruin us. I have always had boyfriends and she has always resented this. At 22, she has never ever been in a relationship. I feel horrible for her, but she is so insecure and does nothing about it. She is a little overweight and I feel this is the cause of her insecurities about being open to guys. I have tried so many times to get her to do something about her weight. I dragged her to the gym and while I worked out she watched her favorite show on the tv in there. She also had a membership to a womens gym and went ONCE and paid the entire year! You have to drag her to any event where there will be more than me there. She is extremely antisocial. She is also a very difficult person, as if it does not go her way it is the highway. I am so tired of all this. I am a people person and I would love it if she could join in my life, but she doesnt. It has to be just me if we are to ever hang out. I hate it. I will admit that I am always with my bf, but there is a very good reason for that. He is not a girl! I hope I dont offend anyone out there I thought that would be ok to say since I am a girl too. Ok lets see I am totally rambling...My point here is that I am about to throw in the towel with her. There are times I feel that having female friends is more painful than pleasurable. My bf and guy friends are the coolest, drama-free, go with the flow people. Dont get me wrong I love my friend, but it is ALWAYS drama, drama, drama! One time we had plans to do some scrapbooking and all I said was I cant stay too long because I have to do laundry at my parents. Her response, "Then forget it". I cant take it anymore. Is there ANYONE out there that can relate? Please write if you do (even if you dont).[/QUOTE]

OH WOW!! :eek: Reading this gave me the weirdest, strongest sense of deja vu--your story sounds exactly like my experience with my college roommate from freshman-junior year. I have always had mostly guy friends, who are easy-going and loyal and fun, and then sometimes one "best" girl friend who always ends up becoming loony, jealous, and back-stabbing. But I had to room with this girl who hated me on site...we never were that great friends, because her personality sucked, but I lived with her because we got along pretty well as roommates. But she considered me a very close friend, because she didn't have many, and her other friends were really annoying and mean to her. Boys found her crass, overtly sexual, and just generally obnoxious and unplesant. Girls found her whiny, melodramatic, self-important, deluded, but she did at least have some girl friends at college. She was also fairly overweight and was also just inescapably unattractive in terms of her face and body proportions. She had never had a boyfriend, despite many failed aggressive pursuits, and I always was either in a serious relationship or seeing a few guys at once. On one hand she was happy to be my friend because she thought it made her seem cooler and more attractive (I didn't realize that she was exaggerating our friendship to everyone until shortly before things went bad), but she was also really jealous and bitter towards me. I liked her okay, but she just didn't have a lot going for her except brains. And even in school, I did better--she didn't like me for that, for having more money and nicer stuff than she did :rolleyes:, for having more friends and partying more, for having guy friends she wanted to hook up with who didn't even want to be her friend, etc. It was kind of sad, but I was always nice to her and tried hard to avoid making her feel bad. I would be as encouraging as possible, and when one of her crushes inevitably rejected her, I would be supportive and even make fun of him to show that he wasn't good enough for her anyway. :rolleyes: I tried to be a good friend, and she was ostensibly also a good friend to me, but I knew she resented me and deep down, wanted to sabotage me and see me sad/disappointed/failing.

Wow, I have to stop and say that I feel really badly for you. This is such a tough situation--mine ended terribly--and I can't imagine how difficult it would be to go through being friends with this girl throughout your whole life! It's so hard to try and be as good a friend as you can but feel like you're fighting an uphill, unwinnable battle. And I remember so well how frustrating it was to deal with her resentment of my guy friends and ESPECIALLY my boyfriends. I truly hope things work out well with your situation, or at least end peacefully. But girls like these are so melodramatic and self-centered that it's nearly impossible for the friendships to end well. I agree with you about feeling like throwing in the towel--I've now had several female friendships fall apart due to the girl's insecurity, jealousy, and need for drama.
I like guy friends so much better, though I have finally managed to find one decent female friend now that I'm in my mid-twenties. I hate to say it, but I think you should cut her off as soon as possible. Having firsthand experience with this on numerous occasions, I know how badly it can turn out otherwise--one friend decided she hated me and spread lies about me all over school, one girl told me she had always wanted my boyfriend and had been trying to seduce him for years behind my back. Then, like she was doing me a favor, she complained that he had never returned her affection.

But the worst was with that college roommate of mine, who I'll call E. Unbeknowst to me, E had had a crush on a guy in one of her classes for a whole semester (let's call him P). Just as with the other guys she had liked in the past, he didn't like her back but was still friendly to her on occasion. Then over winter break, she ran into P in a bar along with his male roommate. She must have been trashed or someting, because she threw herself at her crush's roommate ("M") and went home with M that night. E was really excited when she started dating M because she'd never had any sort of romantic/sexual relationship before. I heard all about this from out of town; as soon as I got back into town, I met M, who at this point had become E's boyfriend. P was still single and as always, completely uninterested in my roommate. But E did NOT want me to be with P, and M did NOT want that either, because M believed he could persuade me to join himself and my roommate in bed :eek:--YUCK!! See, M was resentful and bitter toward P in the same way my roommate was jealous of me, and M didn't want P to get a girl that M wanted for himself (even though M had a girlfriend already). M actually told P of his plan to "trade her in for" me--EWWW! Anyway, P and I were both expressly forbidden by our respective roommates to date each other.

But sure enough, the first time we met, the chemistry was palpably intense. We couldn't stay away from each other or stop touching--by the end of the night, I was in his arms, and really wanted to spend the night with him. But my roommate was with M glaring at both of us, and so she dragged me home glowing and happy. P and I soon started hanging out whenever we could, so M and my roommate decided to try and sabotage our relationship, so they made up lies and told one of us that the other was a player, cheating, just out to break hearts, deceitful, manipulative, etc. We managed to ignore this, so then E decided to plead with P not to date me on the grounds that always had a BF and she wanted to be the only one with a guy now. She said it she wouldn't enjoy the relationship as much unless I was alone and presumably, unhappy. But there was nothing they could do to keep us apart, and eventually they started pushing us together so they could have time alone. Then M, who was manic-depressive and possibly schizophrenic and had stopped taking his meds :eek:, pretty much lost it and had a breakdown--he sold all his possessions, broke all the furniture and computers, built shrines made of candles and pizza boxes, wrote irrational messages all over the walls, etc. It was scary, so P called M's dad to take him and get help; M needed to be restrained by the police due to his violent behavior at the hospital. Then E decided she missed him too much for him to stay there, and broke him out of the mental hospital early, not once, but A 2ND TIME after M's dad had brought him back to finish his treatment. It was just a nightmare...we didn't know how to deal with this guy, and my roommate E was acting almost as bizarrely. I wish I would have just ended our friendship before everything got so incredibly dramatic and intense, but hopefully at least you will see from my story what can happen if you continue to let such an unstable, unhappy person play a role in your life. I will be wishing you well--good luck and please keep us posted!





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