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[QUOTE=lisa24]Yeah, but if a new guy can just come along and make you question the relationship you are already in, do you really love the guy you're with? Maybe the current relationship isn't as strong as she believes it to be.

Maybe I want to much, but I believe when one is in love with a person, someone else can't just come along and make you start questioning your feelings.[/QUOTE]

While I think Bave is right that this happens often and easily, I agree with you, Lisa, that it wouldn't happen if you were truly in love and devoted to spending your life with your partner. But unfortunately, there's a big difference between how love and relatonships should work ideally and how most of them work in reality (by falling short of most people's romantic ideals). But when you do find the right person, there won't be anyone in the world who could make you question your feelings and consider ending the relationship. The very notion of the "right" person for you implies that that person is better suited to you than anyone else, a fact that you should be very aware of if it is in fact the case. If you're convinced that you are with the best possible partner for you, no one would be able to come along and convince you otherwise. At least this is how I feel now that I've finally found true love--I know that there is no other guy who could even begin to compare to my man, and I wouldn't even consider being with someone else. But I have also been seriously in love with other guys who I wasn't so sure about, and each of those times, another man did come along and raise questions about whether I was really with the right person. Deep down I knew that if I even had to think about what he said, then the other guy was right, and that's why I moved on to someone else each time rather than pursuing these less than ideal relationships any further. I felt a little bad about cheating/swapping one BF for another, but I believed that I only did so because I had not found the kind of relationship I wanted in the long run. I hoped that once I found the guy who I knew I could spend a happy, loving life with, I wouldn't ever consider being with anyone else. Thankfully, this did turn out to be true, and honestly, looking back, I don't regret cheating or moving on so quickly, because refusing to stay in less than ideal relationships freed me up to be completely open and available to meeting my ideal mate. I know I could and should have handled those breakups in a more mature and honorable way, but in the long run, I'm just glad I got out when I did rather than hanging around, trying to make a guy into something he's not and trying to make a relationship work when deep down I knew it wasn't what I wanted.

BlueEyes, all I can say is that I really feel for you and I hope things turn out well. You're going through a tough, uncertain situation, which is understandably very difficult and stressful. It's always hard to let go of someone (temporarily or permanently), but if you have any doubts at all about whether this is the guy for you--the guy you would eagerly and happily spend your life with, the guy who makes every other guy seem like an unappealing loser in comparison to him--then my advice would be to move on. It's only fair to both of you to have the opportunity to find people who will make you both happy in the long run, rather than closing yourself off to these potential partners by staying in a relationship you're not sure about. I do think you've made a smart decision to spend some time alone...sometimes relationships just need a little space and breathing room. My fiance and I recently had some problems, mostly related to his family, and rather than live on top of each other in such a frustrated state of mind and risk saying something we'd regret and couldn't take back, we decided to spend some time apart. It didn't take long before we realized that any problems we had were minor and didn't pose serious obstacles to our relationship--the space gave us the necessary perspective to see our problems objectively and realize that we loved each other way too much to let anything come between us and/or split us apart. I'm actually really glad for the break, even though it was very difficult to cope with at the time. We had a chance to get all our issues and concerns out in the open and reaffirm our love and commitment to each other. It means a lot to each of us that the other was so devoted and committed to working everything out once we had some space and perspective--we realized that we'd do anything to be together, and I think we're closer and happier together now than ever before. So, time and space isn't always a bad thing, though I'm not so sure I feel the same way about "breaks" in which a couple is free to date other people. I don't know if I could handle that and be able to feel like everything was okay even if I reconciled with a guy after an official break...but staying apart for a temporary period while still remaining committed is not as risky and more beneficial in my opinion.

BlueEyes, I hope you are coping okay with the separation and taking advantage of this opportunity to seriously evaluate your feelings about your BF and decide whether or not your relationship is worth continuing. I know it's so hard and sad to be alone when you're so used to your BF's company, but this space hopefully will allow you to realize how you want to proceed with your BF. One way or another, it should be beneficial for you to spend this time apart--either it will make you certain that you were silly to consider leaving your boyfriend once you have a chance to miss him and appreciate all his good qualities, or you'll come to the conclusion that you're not getting everything that you want and need from your current relationship. If the first scenario proves true, you will hopefully reconcile with a renewed enthusiasm, devotion, and certainty that your BF is the man for you. If you decide that he's not the one with whom you want to spend your life, then you can begin the challenging but ultimately worthwhile process of moving on and freeing yourself up to meet the guy who will be everything you want in a life partner. It sounds like you're stuck in an unpleasant kind of limbo right now, and I really hope that this separation gives you the certainty and confidence you need to make whatever decision is best for you. Try to take advantage of this time to think carefully about what you really want from a man and if your current BF fits the bill--hopefully your gut instincts will answer this question for you and make your decision clearcut straightforward. Take care and good luck!

Best wishes,
Stacy :)





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